UPDATE: Distraught Father Charged with Murder of Child He Forgot in Car

More children have died because of being left in car seats, in the BACK seat, since the laws dictating such, than died because of air bags in the front, which can now be turned off. Time to reverse the law.

Same situation in Alabama last year… http://blog.al.com/spotnews/2014/05/mother_of_baby_who_died_in_car.html

No charges filed. Interestingly, in the comments section someone wonders if a man would have been treated the same… Now we know…

When my daughter was very young, I was completely paranoid about forgetting her in the car. More than once I spaced out on the way to work and realized she was asleep in the back seat halfway between where I should have turned for daycare and the office.

I feel so bad for the family. I hope he is released soon.

okay, does anyone know whether the back seat actually saves more lives than it costs? (Personally, I put mine in the front so they can keep me company, and so they won’t choke to death while I’m driving.)

I share the sense of heartbreak for this dad. However, I struggle with where we draw the line. We prosecute people for negligent homicide or manslaughter in cases where the death was due to a person’s failure to take *reasonable* care for another person’s safety. If this man is innocent of any such crime, then what about the man who “accidentally” shoots his nephew with a gun that he didn’t know was loaded? Or the woman who accidentally backs over the neighbor’s kid who she didn’t see in the driveway? Where is the line?

I agree with SOA. This is *NOT* a Free Range issue!!! Free Range is about pushing back against paranoid fears about made-up or exaggerated risks that people use to limit kids’ freedom and growth.

If Free Range means anything, it’s about being able to identify the real risks and not giving in to the paranoia about the exaggerated or made-up risks. In this case, the risk of leaving your kid locked in a hot car are REAL, they are not made-up.

My heart goes out to this father but I do think that the charge is appropriate. It is only a charge at this point. It will be up to a jury to determine guilt. If the story as reported here is accurate he should be found not guilty. I hope that he is not guilty but that is too important a matter to be decided by those of us on this blog.

From that article… key take away:
Humans, have a fundamental need to create and maintain a narrative for their lives in which the universe is not implacable and heartless, that terrible things do not happen at random, and that catastrophe can be avoided if you are vigilant and responsible.
We are vulnerable, but we don’t want to be reminded of that. We want to believe that the world is understandable and controllable and un threatening; that if we follow the rules, we’ll be okay.

I disagree with the way you’re describing “accidents” —  as if there is no human agency at work and it’s simply a force of nature. The kid falling off her tricycle is an accident; the driver who hits the kid in the driveway is negligent. It may have been unintentional, and it may be less of a crime than speeding or drunk driving, but it’s still negligence.

@SOA – The issue is not whether or not the man was responsible for what happened. He clearly was. It wasn’t about whether or not he could have prevented it, because he could have. The issue is that he cannot possibly be punished any more than he already has, with the loss of his child. The purpose of imprisonment is either to A. Create a deterrent to crime (there is no deterrent greater than losing a child) B. To rehabilitate (there is nothing to rehabilitate here – he learned his lesson – he lost his child) or C. To remove dangerous criminals from the street so they don’t harm others (and it is hard to imagine he is dangerous or will ever do this again).

I agree this is not a Free Range issue, but this is Lenore’s blog and she sees some similarities between the mentality that drives people to imprison this father and that which drives us to judge other parenting behavior and create laws that do prevent Free Ranging.

Tony, I get what you are saying, that it is just a charge. I guess what I think is unfortunate, and it is just the way things are – this charge is going to cost tax payers a lot, and it is going to cost this young family a lot. I realize that the responsibility of parenthood isn’t to be taken lightly. But I do think he deserves to, for instance, be able to attend the child’s funeral. To grieve with his spouse. And the judicial system today deals out a lot of financial ‘punishment’ even if someone is found “not guilty”. It is also another case where a child has died because of laws that require that children be restrained in the back seat, and a lack of technology to warn parents when children are left in the back seat and forgotten – the main way that children die in a hot car – accidentally trapping themselves without the knowledge of an adult, or accidentally left in a five point restraint by a parent and then the child is rendered incapable of escaping (or the child is too young to unbuckle anyway). I feel this is different from the cases where a gun is supposed to be secured and isn’t, because parents don’t have a choice in restraining their child in the back seat if they ever want to leave their house. They have to transport their child. They are compelled to follow the law. They have no options for a system that would remind them. Owning a gun is optional, and certainly having it out when a child is present is optional. The statistics are clear: these kids started dying when carseats moved to the back seat. No matter how many campaigns, no matter how many parents sign on and swear to never intentionally leave a child in a hot car, kids are going to keep dying as long as parents forget. And tired new parents are going to continue to forget until the technology/law changes.

@SOA, given that it doesn’t look like rates of these sorts of deaths have changed since they started being tracked in the mid-90s–before people were given prevention tips (although, honestly, I have personally never seen a PSA or gotten a flyer from my pediatrician or been provided with any information about this, so I’m not sure this is something as in the forefront of every parent’s mind as you think)–I’m not sure these tips about things like leaving your wallet in the back seat actually make any difference. Personally, I’ve forgotten my wallet, phone, or bag in the car many times, but I’ve never forgotten my children, so I’m not sure that making sure I always left my bag in the backseat would be a useful preventative measure.

Not putting your wallet in the backseat so that you don’t forget your child is not an act of criminal negligence.

If they can make the car beep when we don’t put our seatbelt on, why can’t they make it beep when a child is left in the car with no driver?

I have seen the PSAs about this in several parenting magazines. I think they put one out every spring/summer with an article about preventing this. I see things about it on the news or on tv or on internet articles basically giving the tips on how to prevent it every time it happens again to another child. I did not come up with those prevention tips on my own. I repeated them verbatim from the many articles or news stories I have seen over the last 7 years or so about preventing this.

I forgot one other one I remember hearing to add: tape a large enough not to miss picture of the child on the steering wheel when the kid is in the backseat so you will notice it while driving. And another one. Always make a habit where you exit your car and walk to the back window and look in before walking away from the car. If you do that every single time you exit the vehicle much like remembering to lock the car door, it will become second nature and you will always do it.

SOA – Like anon mom, I’ve never see all these PSAs you are talking about. Many, many parents don’t actually read parenting magazines or spend time on parenting websites or even watch TV regularly. I do none of these things.

Further, the idea that you can prevent forgetting something that you never in a million years think that you would forget is ridiculous. No tricks are going to help you remember something that you never thought that you would forget. And this is proven in the fact that it has not stopped happening although everyone knows about the possibility. You’d have to live on a deserted island for the last 20 years not to have been exposed to incidences of this occurring.

And, no, I don’t think most people would be pushing the prosecution of a babysitter if the babysitter likewise simply forgot. Prosecuting people for unintentional acts doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t bring the child back. It doesn’t make it less likely to happen again. It is just blibd vengence.

I, personally, have never had it pounded into my head that I should call my husband each day to make sure he dropped the kids off where he was supposed to. It would never even occur to me to do such a thing, and even if it had been pounded into my head, I still wouldn’t take that allegedly reasonable step. It’s insulting.

I think there are imperfections by a reasonably large percentage of parents over the 18 years and in many cases longer that people raise children. They aren’t bad people, just human. People have temporary lapses of memory about something, if not the child in the carseat, during these long time spans whether they like to admit it or not. So far they just haven’t experienced such tragic consequences. Some people develop new psychiactric problems, and as a society we are very harsh in dealing with those problems until the person manages to see a doctor who might not have any openings for 6 months. Some of us might just have a day when we are really exhausted and fall asleep when we should be awake watching what is going on. Some people do not follow CPS laws like supervisory guidelines and may not even know they exist. I think that generally we are not “better” than this man. We just haven’t had this unfortunate experience. I don’t really think criminal charges for this man are appropriate and I think that if we push for criminal charges every time there is some bad luck we will lose the few freedoms we have left. When people think they wouldn’t do something that doesn’t always mean that they wouldn’t do something else that could have bad consequences or that the decision to do whatever it is shouldn’t be the parents despite the bad consequences someone else experienced. As it is, it is illegal to leave the child in the car for just a few minutes and that is a free-range issue. Laws are set up so that parents are at risk w/CPS even if the accident happens while the child is at school or a school sponsored sporting activity. The parent is guilty of having allowed the child to participate. We criminalize parents too much for anything and everything and then we wonder why children should grow up in an antispetic bubble. I think the rights are being lost at an alarming rate and that is bad for everyone, not just this child and father. I think we should generally sympathize, rather than criminalize. This man has lost his child.

@Bill K, I am by no means a legal expert, but I think that intent is an element of some crimes but not others. However, I had thought intent was an element of murder, so the charges here are confusing. However, overcharging people, sometimes wildly, is extremely common, and that’s probably what we’re seeing here.

re: whether this is free range material–free range to me means fighting back against government/society when they try to reduce my freedom to raise my children in what I consider to be a sensible way. You could stretch this to say that the government is overstepping its legitimate authority by charging the father with murder.
Or maybe the DA feels for the father and is charging him with murder so he’ll get off scott free.

chase, not chance

Anon mom – All crimes require some intent. However, that intent is usually just the intent to commit the act that is a crime. You don’t have to intend to commit a crime or even know that you did.

So, cruelty to children requires some level of intent, but doesn’t require bad intent – you don’t have to intend to be cruel. If I were his attorney, I would certainly argue intent – he didn’t intend to leave the child in the car. I’ve never had one of these cases so I don’t know what level of intent would be needed.

I think Dolly hit it on the head and it would not surprise me if this case ultimately resolves at manslaughter.

Dolly, let me just say that I’ve been a parent longer than you have, and the first time I heard about these tips that are supposedly pounded into every parent’s head was yesterday. That was only the teddy bear one; the others you listed are completely new to me. I don’t read magazines at all, and I don’t watch any TV except pre-recorded shows, but I do hang out on parenting message boards, and have for over a decade. So maybe you can stop insisting that surely everyone else knows everything *you* know.

Also, you seem to think this problem would be alleviated if those selfish working moms would give up their BMWs for the sake of their kids. I’m a SAHM, always have been, and I homeschool my kids, so I am always around them. I once forgot my son in the car. We were visiting friends and needed something from the store. My husband and I left the kids at the house, but decided to take the baby at the last minute. He was asleep in the back seat, and we were chatting and enjoying the moment, and we just forgot. Thankfully, it was a five minute shopping trip. I was horrified, of course, but if I remember correctly, he didn’t even wake up.

Finally, I can’t even believe the suggestion that jail time is what’s needed to get parents to think twice. You honestly believe that going to prison sounds like a worse fate than losing your child?? Are you KIDDING? Really?!?

At most, this father is guilty of neglect, unless he had chosen to impair himself somehow, by being drunk or high on the way to work. Not one report has indicated such. Why do people think that jailing this man would be any more punishment than what he’s already suffering? What is the point of prison? To punish and re-educate so that the perpetrator will not commit the crime again, and to deter others from considering such a crime. How, in any way, will society benefit from the incarceration of this man? There’s no need for deterrent — no loving parent wants to do this! There’s no need to punish. He’s already punished. Forever. Re-education? You think he’s going to make the same mistake again? No. The entire case is a waste of taxpayer time and money. Let’s spend it on actual criminals, please.
As for those who are angry and want him punished because he didn’t take the “simple steps” he could have to not forget his child, like having the daycare call (why didn’t they, and why would it be his fault if they didn’t?) then I say they can rest assured that he is suffering well out of proportion for his lack of preparation. He’s suffering a $100,000,000,000 penalty for his $100 crime of not having a memory aide. Feel righteous, Judgy McJudgalots, (who I am sure have never made a mistake, ever) he’s suffering.

Similar story here in AZ.

http://www.azfamily.com/news/Father-of-child-who-died-in-hot-car-arrested-221749571.html

The case is a little different, because of substance abuse, and that’s possibly what led to this. But this could have been alcohol, or particularly strong medication as well. This father is getting 4 years. Now. If there was a pattern of abuse, and that led to the child’s death, then that’s outrageous. But this… well. There’s a line here somewhere. I feel like maybe this dad was willfully irresponsible (getting high at work? Really?), and he does deserve punishment for that. But if he had just forgotten, like the Atlanta case, I’d be totally on board with a sentence of “live with your mistake”.

[Erin, please get in touch (I am in Marietta, too).]

Add to this tragedy, as so eloquently stated by Lenore, that “[v]engeance does not bring anyone back, nor does it prevent any more deaths, nor can it possibly teach this dad any lesson he has not already had seared on his soul[ ]” is that other children are NOT safer by subjecting other parents whose children are UNHARMED to investigation by CPS, to having their children taken from them, or to being arrested (whether or not later charged with a crime) for running in to pay for gas and pick up a snack while a child sits in a car or for going into a store to pick up dry cleaning or make a return while her child is in a locked car with AC running happily watching a video on an iPad. Yes, let’s caution parents whose children are UNHARMED; let’s use common sense about what actually puts a child at risk of harm before we criminalize every occasion where a child is left alone at home or in a car for a matter of minutes as a risk assessment under the watchful and loving care of the parent. Do not allow disasters such as this one to curtail all parenting decisions and make all decisions of what is acceptable and not to be made by some seemingly omniscient governing body empowered by people whose hearts may be in the right place, but whose flawed reasoning claims that laws and criminal charges will prevent injuries to children (which is not true). Let’s not become a lynch mob society where children who are unharmed, but were in a position some might consider “too risky” as the grounds upon which parents are stripped of the freedom to make decisions for their own children (so long as not harming them). LIKE, JOIN or DONATE to the National Association of Parents where the Constitution aligns with Free Range Kids in all respects. https://www.parentsusa.org

I hope someone can find the epic piece (NYT? Atlantic?) written last summer which really delved in to this topic. It’s difficult to read, an understatement, but afterwards my heart and mind were softened to a raw degree for these fellow parents. And it’s true, it could be any one of us. Straight up.

Usually, I can ignore you, SOA, but today, I’m giving in to self-indulgent desires to lash out.

Oh my God what you wrote just left me seething from the sense of self-righteousness and derision for someone who made a MISTAKE for God’s sake and all I can think of is how much I want YOU to get your f’ing comeuppance, the kind of thing where you stand back and say, “Jeepers, all my life I’ve been judging people when they made mistakes or seemed to slight me, and now here I’ve gone and done something even less forgivable. Who was I to judge?”

To the person who asked why we don’t have a warning system in place, like they do for seatbelts, apparently a NASA engineer designed one (after a coworker forgot a child in a hot car) but no one would manufacture it and no car companies would include it. Because of liability. It would save lives, but companies are worried about the liability if parents relied on the warning system, and then if even once the device failed to warn them and a child died, then the companies would be liable for that death.

Talk about worst first thinking. If 40 kids die each year from being forgotten, and what if it took 5 years before an incident of the device failing resulted in the death of a child. That would be 200 kids saved before that one death who would have been forgotten and died anyway without the warning system in the first place. But companies would rather those 200 kids died than take on the liability of the 1 death that remained.

JKP,

Sorry but I am getting sick and freaking tired of all these devices people want installed on cars.

I am not being cold, but I look at my truck and figure it would be about 5 grand less, without all that crap. Crap on there because other people screwed up, or just had bad luck. Yet everyone that buys a vehicle has to pay thru the nose.

And a lot of these things are actually not anywhere near as effective or worth the bother.

Take for example tire pressure monitoring systems. Unless you are driving an ultra high performance car, these systems are a pain in the ass, expensive and often misleading. Luckily they are not mandatory up here yet. I have been in the tire business pretty much all my life, and me and a lot of my fellow tire techs actually believe that these systems have led to more problems than they solve.

And as for Dolly/SOA, she will get hers one day. She will get judgemental with the wrong person and will get taught a harsh lesson.

Huh. So someone who needs to work to support their family (and seriously, who of us DOESN’T need to have at least one income?)shouldn’t, because having a job and oh horrors! thinking about their work might make them forget their child in a car?

Un.be.lievable.

Okay, I periodically teach a new parents class. The one where we go over when to call for an ambulance, what to do if your child chokes, etc.
We DO mention the bit about not leaving children in cars for too long, because we live in a pretty hot part of Australia, and we have had kids die from it. It is just a mention though.
And not ONCE have I or any of the other educators mentioned any of these tips Dolly tells us that everyone must know (I haven’t come across most of them). And I am a TRAINER. It is my job to know what sort of thing we like to teach people now.

And I agree with Warren about a car kid sensor. There is enough stupid crap on cars; we don’t need more. And the whole cause of this is a brain that goes on autopilot. More sensors just allow us to zone out more … until that sensor breaks and the kid gets left in the car because we’ve trained our brain not to worry about a kid unless we hear a certain beep.

I’m really appalled by the idea that 1) working parents are selfish people who put fancy SUVs and big houses above the welfare of their children and 2) somehow random people on the internet care more about children than their horrible parents, who will only care for their children properly if we threaten them with the harshest possible punishments for not doing so.

In every family I know where both parents work, either they have to for financial reasons or they both want to, because they enjoy their work. I don’t know anybody who is so stressed about their job and can’t handle the pressure but keeps going solely to maintain some sort of luxurious lifestyle.

And, this father loved this child and cared more for the child’s safety than anybody here. Period. As outraged as some internet stranger might feel reading this story, they will find a new story to be outraged about in a day or two, and never think about this particular child again. The father is going to think about this child every single day for the rest of this life. It is the height of arrogance to believe that somehow other parents need to be motivated to be decent parents via legal threats because their love and concern for their children is just not enough.

I am appalled by the assumption that working parents do so for big fancy cars and houses. I work for food and a roof over our heads. If I stayed home, we would not have a home. Then I guess I’d be judged for not providing for my kids. Can’t win, apparently.

At any rate – I agree this is a free range issue because it seems we expect parents to be absolutely perfect. Never forget anything, never let down your guard, never make mistakes. Parents are held up to impossible standards.

“I’ve never even heard of a house burning down because the stove was left on”

A basic google of “house fire” and “stove” will give you hundreds of incidents. Increase the parameters to irons, curling irons/hair straighteners, space heaters and random other hot household item that people regularly accidentally leave on and I am sure you will end up with thousands of incidents. Far more than children who perish in hot vehicles.

“Or maybe the DA feels for the father and is charging him with murder so he’ll get off scott free.”

More likely the DA charged him with murder so he’ll plea-bargain down to something with a penalty of probation (which will also require payment of large fees to the court, usually thousands of dollars) plus “parenting classes” conveniently run by an agency associated with the court (more thousands of dollars).

This way the DA gets to look like a hero (“we punish child neglecters!”), the DA’s office gets yet another conviction on its record, useful when they want more funding or as election campaign fodder (the average conviction rate is around 96%; do you really think that many criminal charges are valid?), and the court makes a little cash (in Los Angeles County, I conservatively guestimated the conviction-related income at around $200 per minute per judge).

But that accidents happen? that even the most responsible people sometimes forget even the most critical things? We can’t have that, then there’s no one to blame!!

And that’s why this IS a Free Range issue — because part of being Free Range is admitting there ARE risks in life, one of which is simple forgetfulness, and not going off the deep end in some futile attempt to eliminate every risk or punish the parents because their children aren’t chained to their ankles 24 hours a day.

There is a father here in FL who is being charged as well, for the same thing. http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/breakingnews/os-father-charged-infant-death-truck-20140620,0,384900.story

It’s horrific, sad, tragic. My first thought is usually “how do you forget your baby in the car?”, and my next is remembering the days of having a newborn & a 2 year old, and being tired, overwhelmed & all that goes along with those days…and I know it could have happened to me, as well.

Unless there is some other factor (drugs, alcohol, other abuse shown), I do not think these people should be charged.

That s so sad. Are the daycare centres not calling about their charges not showing up? With all the safty concerns and rules a curtisy call about the kid not showing seems logical.

@ Donna

I just did as you suggested and googled house fire and stoves, and got almost nothing. I did however take a look at what the US DHS had to say and they agree that cook fires are indeed the most common house fire and fairly injurious, however they are among the lowest causes of structural fire and property loss. I’ve known people who’ve lost stoves to fire and had to do kitchen repairs do to fire; but the whole house? I can’t say I know anyone who has lost a home by neglecting to turn off the stove at night. It could happen, it’s just not common. And yes, fires can and do kill more children a year than roasting cars. However, we usually don’t charge manslaughter, or negligent homocide when children die in housefires. Maybe it would be more sane to leave the man at the mercy of his own guilty conscience and a grieving mother.

Also, hancock, maybe you should read the petition Keight Dukes posted which has a very eloquent statement by a different mother whose husband did this (child miraculously survived but is severely brain damaged). She doesn’t have the slightest animosity or hatred toward her husband, is still married to him and protested the criminal prosecution of him. In every article I’ve read, THAT is much closer to the response of the other parent than your vindictive mother belief.

I read an article on CNN about it, and it appears that they think foul play was involved. The impression I got was the child may not have died from heatstroke.

They aren’t releasing details yet, but, yeah… 🙁

I think one of the fair points made about all the ‘preventative bells & whistles’ offered as keychains or sensors or whatever, is that so few people consider themselves at risk for this kind of mental vulnerability, that no one would buy the devices. Then what’s the solution ~ to mandate it? tragic truth, this happens. May all of our creativity and mercy be brought to the cause, it’s just horrible to imagine and unimaginable for the families who suffer it.

With respect, I must strongly disagree.

Personal responsibility is never diminished by how upset and distraught the person responsible for a child’s death may be.

He has been charged with murder which requires intent (usually). He will likely be convicted of manslaughter (sometimes called third degree murder) depending on state laws and the jury.)

His degree of culpability *must* be determined. Questions must be asked and answered and the State must do it on behalf of the child to make sure the death was an accident and to remind people who have a helpless life in their charge that *they* are responsible at all times.

Let me ask a rhetorical question: If you left your child with a babysitter or a daycare operator who then “forgot” your kid in the car and the child died, would you be satisfied with his or her tears and distress and protestations of remorse?

Or would you demand justice and prosecute the person responsible for the child’s death through neglect? How much more responsible is the parent for their child’s well being than a hired caretaker?

How about someone who ran a red light and smashed into the car, killing the child. Should they only be punished with the red light ticket since they did not know there was a child in the car they hit and they certainly intended no harm to others?

Clearly not their fault and if they feel sad about it, is that not enough?

I suspect few people would accept that argument.

No, responsibility cannot be waived merely because he ‘forgot” he had a child in the car and is now devastated. However bad *he* feels, the child remains dead, dead, dead, now and forever.

Jim, punishing a person does not bring the child back, either. Whether this man is convicted of murder or not, his child is dead.

What purpose beyond vengeance does punishing a person for a genuine accident serve? As others have said, there’s only a few good reasons for locking somebody up. You might lock them up because they pose a danger to society, which isn’t the case here; I don’t think anybody would fear that society is in dangerous because of this man and our safety requires that he be behind bars. You might lock them up because they committed a serious wrong and need to be rehabilitated; what exactly does this man need to be rehabilitated from? Or, you might lock them up as a deterrent to them or others from committing the same act again, but accidental forgetting is not something that you can actually deter.

Every time a horrible thing happens, we don’t have to make somebody else pay. Accidents happen, and calling for vengeance does not make the world any safer or accidents any less likely.

I find it so sad how judgemental people are being here of all places. We are all human. There but for the. Grace of God go I. Admittedly. My husband & I are on opposite ends of this discussion. But we all can forget. Yes, sometimes life is stressful: heinous bosses, money struggles, lack of sleep. I started drinking coffee the day I almost fell asleep bringing my child to daycare. He was a terrible sleeper so I lost sleep but I had to work. Could I have forgotten him in my fog? Maybe. I don’t know. We need to stop demanding parents be perfect & lend a hand instead.

Now I’m hearing there was evidence of something much more sinister that the cops are not releasing.

Maybe the guy abused his child and then pretended that it was heat that killed him.

If that is the case, it should be fairly easy to prove and hopefully we will know soon enough.

For the people wishing me to “Get mine” that is nice that you are wishing for something horrible to happen to my kids. You are a pillar of humanity.

As someone else said I am the first to offer help. If a parent friend of mine called me up and said “I am exhausted have not slept in days, I am worried I might fall asleep driving my kid to drop off at daycare” I would offer to drop them off for them. Or come watch the kid so they can get some sleep. So I walk the walk of the talk I talk. I want this to never happen to any kid. So if someone asked me to help them, I would. If they asked me to call and check with them every morning to make sure they dropped the child off at daycare, I would.

I said this before, but this is a very easy way to dispose of a child where everyone will give you sympathy and love and support and you will get away with it. Now I realize the chances of this are very very very slim, however some people do kill their children. It is a thing that rarely rarely happens, but it still happens. So at the very least they should at least investigate it to make sure it was truly an accident. Let’s not give people a scot free way of getting away with disposing of a child and making it look like an accident.

Those who feel it could not happen to them should read this story:

http://www.kidsandcars.org/jenna-edwards.html

Of course if your kids are 7, it probably won’t happen to you. And also, because this is really very rare, it probably won’t happen to most of the great parents you know. Thank goodness! But it happens to good parents.

As I mentioned on another thread, the incidence of this type of tragedy skyrocketed after passenger seat airbags were introduced – because that forced parents to put their kids in the back seat. Now the law requires this, at least in some states. “Out of sight, out of mind” is for real.

People like me and SOA are unlikely to forget our kids because our normal is to have our kids with us when we go out. That doesn’t mean we are better parents than anyone else.

Jim, which mistakes would you NOT punish for, then? If I turn my head and my child dashes into the street and is hit by a driver who doesn’t see them, should I be charged with murder (or is it just the driver who you’d want to see punished as a murderer)?

Every time we have a loss, another person doesn’t have to pay. The issue is not whether somebody is crying/wailing/saying sorry; the issue is whether they acted with any harmful intent or were even negligent in a criminal sense. Yes, if you were to shoot my child in the head and then tell me how sorry you were and cry and wail, that wouldn’t mitigate the need for punishment. But, if you were driving down the street safely and my toddler ran in front of you and you could not stop in time and killed him, no, I don’t think you deserve punishment, not because you are sorry or are crying, but because it was an accident. Accidents do not warrant punishment.

“So, out of curiosity, you do not favor jailing or punishing drunk drivers who kill? Surely they are not responsible for their actions or the affect of those actions if I understand you rightly?”

How exactly are drunk drivers not responsible for their actions? They intentionally got drunk and then decided to drive a car. They are responsible for the result of those CHOICES.

How does the CHOICE to drink and drive have anything whatsoever to do with forgetting something?

That said, I’ve been hit by a drunk driver (drugs actually) in a collision that would have at least seriously injured my child if we had been in a sedan instead of a station wagon. Yes, it was heart stopping to look into my backseat to see my license plate, still attached to the car, two inches from my child’s head. I wasn’t gunning for her to go to jail. In fact, I never even followed up on the case once the insurance claim was done and I have no idea whether she was convicted or not.

What is it that you think prosecuting someone for an accident accomplishes? It doesn’t bring the dead person back. It doesn’t make other people less forgetful. It doesn’t override the child’s death as motivation for the actual parent to be less forgetful in the future. It doesn’t give meaning to the death. It does absolutely nothing. And costs hundreds of thousands of dollars. For absolutely no value.

“We want to believe that the world is understandable and controllable and unthreatening, that if we follow the rules, we’ll be okay. So, when this kind of thing happens to other people, we need to put them in a different category from us.”

“We don’t want to resemble them, and the fact that we might is too terrifying to deal with. So, they have to be monsters.”

Exactly. Once we are willing to acknowledge that we are not separate from, or in a different category than, people who do things we don’t like or aren’t comfortable with, that’s when compassion can begin. And compassion is freedom, because you begin to understand that although there can be tragic strategies and tragic outcomes, we are all just doing the best we can to meet our own needs with the consciousness we’ve got.

I realize I hadn’t refreshed this page so missed the posts about there possibly being more to the story.

I had not signed the petition because the only thing I knew was the little bits that had been printed/reprinted. Not that I ever expected it to turn sinister, but perhaps some patience makes sense when you aren’t directly involved. That’s the only takeaway from this I have…the rest is just terribly terribly tragic to think about.

The AAP now recommends keeping a child rear-facing until they they reach the weight limit for the car seat. The minimum recommendation for forward-facing is 1 year and 20 pounds. One of the new things for parents to brag about is how long they keep their kid rear-facing. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s people out there with their 4yos rear-facing (and I’m equally sure they all mention it at least once a week on Facebook).

I honestly don’t know how people’s kids fit rear-facing until even 2, but I’ve always had big kids and small cars. My kids start getting cramped and fussy rear-facing around 9-10 months and it’s a struggle keeping them backwards for even a full year. Plus, I have three kids across the back of a compact car. I guarantee you that any kid rear-facing at 2 would be kicking his nearest sibling in the head, repeatedly.

If it works for somebody, that’s great, but I find driving with fussy, screaming, fighting kids more of a safety issue than turning their seats forward at 1.

To answer the rear facing question, I believe most states now require rear facing until 1yo and recommend it until at least 2yo (unless they get too big for a rear-facing seat). There are some people who will rear face as long as they possibly can. I recall seeing some internet post where there was a whole series of photos of happy kids rear-facing, and they went all the way up to 6yo if I recall correctly.

There is some debate as to whether it’s actually safer after a certain age, but most people won’t listen to that. 😉 The truth is that there is no position that is “always” safer for a child. And once they are buckled into some sort of modern-day restraint, and being driven at a legal speed by a licensed driver who is not drunk or extremely foolish, the risks are pretty low regardless.

I just have trouble believing that some of these 3-5 year olds I’ve seen pictures of rear-facing are within the weight and height limits. Like I said, I have BIG babies (they tend to be very tall and very, very fat until about 16-18 months, and then start slowing down to more normal growth rates), and two of my three were barely within the weight limits for their car seats at 1, as they were around 32 pounds. But keeping a kid in a rear-facing car seat past the recommended size limits seems silly.

In our state you have to be 8 or 4’9″ to be out of a booster, whichever comes first. I think that’s a bit excessive, but then some of my fondest childhood memories involve being crammed in with two or three other kids into the rear-facing third seat of a station wagon.

@Anonymous Mom We have many seats with 40-50 lb weight limits with height limits that go to 40″ and higher (torso height is more important, and we have shells that accommodate up to 28″ from butt to head) that do accommodate most kids until 3-4. It’s actually pretty hard to find a convertible seat a child will outgrow before 2. 40 lbs is the 95th percentile for a child who just turned 3. A few years ago there weren’t as many with high limits, but now? There are a ton.

I’m very pro free range. I’m also very pro car seat safety. I believe in preparing for actual risks, not hypothetical. In 2011 car crashes killed over 1,300 kids under 16, therefore I believe in making minor adjustments to how we do things (such as rear facing until at least 2, using a belt positioning booster until the seat belt fits properly, putting kids on school buses when possible, having big kids always wear a lap/shoulder belt properly, etc). Very small changes in how we do things can save many children from serious injury and death, and these are actual deaths and injuries, not hypothetical stranger danger.

I also don’t think it was primarily airbags that caused the apparent increase in deaths, I think it’s more likely that it was power windows and air conditioning. Air conditioning allows us to ride in closed up cars- closed up cars are solar ovens on hot days. Before people had to go into the back seat to roll up or close a window, and if they did would see the child. If they didn’t roll up the windows, the child had better ventilation and was heard better. We also have more sound proofing going into cars, so it’s harder for a passerby to hear a crying child. I think these likely contribute to it much more than just putting kids in the back seat.

SOA – Where did I say that I would demand that the nurse be fired? I’ve actually had a medication overdose following surgery that landed me in the cardiac care unit and did not demand that anybody be fired (I did demand that I not be billed for my time in the cardiac care unit).

However, if I were her employer, I would probably fire her. Just like I wouldn’t be surprised if my boss (when I had one) fired me if a client went to prison for life because I forgot to do something important. It has nothing to do with not expecting mistakes and more to do with the liability and reputation of the employer.

But being a parent is not a “job.” And I detest all those stupid Facebook posts proclaiming it one. You can’t equate an employer reacting in a way to protect its liability and reputation to the right to parent your own children.

The freaknomics guy talked fast and made a video. He didn’t prove anything. He did not publish his results. You don’t do a study that counters decades worth of research and not publish your results UNLESS your results won’t hold up to the muster of peer review.

There are an abundance of studies, academic studies, in multiple countries, showing that proper use of child restraints saves lives. They just don’t come with flashy youtube videos.

Nicole – Didn’t publish the results? Funny since I read about it in a BOOK. I’ve never seen the youtube video, but I’ll look for it.

But they weren’t looking for peer review. They are statisticians who performed actual crash dummy tests – as opposed to just looking at car wreck statistics which is how most of the studies are generated – as part of research for a book about a lot of different things. But they also have no vested interest in any of this, unlike studies that are performed and conducted biased parties. Yes, they sold books, but their book sales weren’t based on this one chapter. I don’t even recall the study being hyped to sell the book.

Further, their takeaway was never that we should rely only on the seatbelt, but that safety of children can be improved and made cheaper by cutting out the middle man. Their argument was basically that things built with a car are better than things made by 3rd parties that are then installed aftermarket by lay people (parents) in many different cars all with different seat designs, particularly considering the vast majority of people install their carseat incorrectly. They advocated INCREASING safety (and economy) by getting rid of carseats over 2 in favor of mechanisms designed into the vehicle (built in booster seats and adjustable seatbelts are the two I remember) not ditching caring about child safety all together.

But, again, I don’t expect anyone to change their mind. Most people have bought the carseat industry’s stance hook, line and sinker.

The issue I mostly have with the new carseat laws and recommendations is that they really make it extremely difficult for families to have smaller cars. We are currently looking into buying our first car with three rows of seats, after ten years of parenting. For the last 3 years, we’ve had three kids across the back of a station wagon and then a compact SUV. Right now we’ve got one in a car seat, one in a booster, and one who just needs a seat belt, and it’s not too bad. But for a while we had two in car seats and one in a booster, and that was tight. We found exactly one brand of carseat (what was then the Sunshine Radian–I think the company was either bought out or renamed and now the same carseat is called something else) that would fit two in a row plus a booster. But the design is such that, when rear-facing, it takes up a LOT of horizontal space, so in order to fit it the passenger seat had to be moved as far forward as possible (which was uncomfortable for me, at 5’8″, and completely impossible for my 6’5″ husband, to sit in).

I’m just not convinced that people needing to buy larger cars (which are both worse for the environment, in many cases, as well as capable of doing more damage to other cars in an accident) in order to fit the requisite child seats is a great trade-off, in terms of public health and safety. It shouldn’t be so hard to fit a family of five into a compact car (and one on the larger side, at that) that is supposed to seat five.

Just an FYI about space and boosters. Just this past month I found some inflatable boosters at Walmart that are much narrower than any I’ve ever seen before. They don’t have the arm rests. I bought them because I am looking to hire random strangers (OMG) to drive my kids short distances between summer camps this year, and the law requires some sort of booster until age 8.

According to the labeling, they meet all legal requirements bla bla bla. Plus they are a lot easier to move around than my kids’ regular high-back boosters.

My kids do like their high-back boosters that I bought when they were 4. They like the fact that they can fall asleep sitting up. (Spoiled brats.) When I mentioned that they won’t need them after turning 8, they protested, LOL.

I have done a lot of research on car safety because I am a rebel when it comes to laws and goody-goody sanctomoms telling me this is what I need to do. I am cool with boosters, and they are not horribly expensive. I just wish it was easier for every parent to get objective info without the overblown guilt/fear factor. It took me years and years to get the plain facts of why this or that is considered better. “Because don’t you care about your child” is not an answer.

I often roll my eyes when anyone thinks that the type of vehicle I choose to buy is their business.

Google BubbleBum Inflatable Car Booster Seat for a skinny (backless) seat that supposedly meets the minimum requirements for primary school kids.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t pay full price. But again, I was focusing on convenience and might have paid a little extra for it.

I live in the Atlanta Metro and the response to this tragedy has been beyond disgusting. (Want to lose faith in humanity? Read the comment section of news posted on facebook).

I don’t know what the answer is, truly. I agree there is nothing anyone could do to this man that could be worse than living with the guilt. And I doubt there is any vile thing a person could say (though they are trying…) that he hasn’t said to himself.

My only real problem with the presentation of the story in our local media is how they have repeatedly reported he was ‘uncooperative’ with police, was he? Or was he completely distraught? Sad sad sad.

I recently went to a car seat clinic because they were selling $10 car seats, and my mom is moving here in a few weeks and it will make life SO much easier if she has car seats in her car. Plus I started driving a really old car and I wanted to know if I was using the metal clasps right (I wasn’t). The lady asked me when I planned to forward face my one year old. I said I don’t know, maybe like 2. She asked me why and I said cause I thought that was the new recommendation. She had the nerve to say to me “Well, that is the minimum recommendation. Do you love your kids the minimum, or more?”. I thought it was a stupid question, so I said “Well, it kind of depends on the day…”

How appalled would she be to know that I actually uninstalled his car seat and forward faced it in my mom’s car a few days later? Yes, I do believe rear facing is best. However, my mom has a Fiat 500, and with him rear facing, the passenger seat is unusable for all but the shortest of people (I am 5’2″ and my knees were literally touching the dashboard when he was rear faced.

As far as this story, if the father truly did have a horrifying memory lapse, I think imprisoning him is wrong. Not only is it legally questionable in my opinion, but it hurts everyone involved. He is locked away for something that devastated him. His wife is left without a husband. If he has any children, they are left without a father, which statistically leaves them more likely to live in poverty, and become involved in illegal and/or dangerous behaviors. And the taxpayer have to pay to house a completely non-dangerous person for the next however many years. Even when he gets out, he will have a HORRIBLE time finding a job, since he will be a convicted felon for the murder of a child.

@rachel @ wife, then mama: “I thought it was a stupid question, so I said “Well, it kind of depends on the day…”” you just won everything right there. take that, nosy busybodies! lol!

Based on the update…it did occur to me at some point that leaving the child in the car would be a sick way to get back at a spouse who was threatening to leave, or to end a marriage without child support, to cover up child abuse…or any number of other things.

That said…I could totally have seen myself leaving a sleeping infant in a car. I remember stopping at the green lights waiting for them to turn red so I could go, not long after the birth of my last child.

“Let’s not give people a scot free way of getting away with disposing of a child and making it look like an accident.”

By that logic, every accidental death should be prosecuted as murder. More sensibly, what they should do, is what they do with any accidental death — investigate the circumstances, and if the “accident” story doesn’t add up, follow up and file the appropriate charges. If it WAS an accident, treat it like an accident.

The tactic of “we should treat every accident like a crime so people don’t try to fake accidents” is illogical, unjust, inhumane, and most of all, unnecessary, since these situations get investigated.

The thing is I have heard people argue that it is wrong and mean to even investigate and question the parent when this happens. Which while if it was a horrible accident might be hard on the parent, it probably still needs to be done to make sure there was no foul play.

I don’t think an investigation is a problem: it’s this practice of charging first and then investigating that bothers me. The norm seems to be moving from, when there is an accident involving a child, doing an investigation and then charging if the findings warrant it to immediately overcharging the parent or caregiver and then investigating to see if there’s any actual grounds for those charges. It seems like a rather dangerous trend that goes against the basic idea that people should be presumed innocent.

@E
5 hours is just long enough for the police to have talked to the DA. Allowing the DA to come to the realization that he/she has a high profile case in which they can make a name for themself.

I generally agree with you, but not this time. If we presume that this guy made a horrific mistake, then yes, he immediately started his own life sentence the moment he discovered his dead kid. Further, punishing him will not prevent another parent from doing the same thing one day, nor will it teach him a lesson.

But… that isn’t the point. He killed a human and he needs to be punished by society. Not rehabilitated, but punished – and that is what we have manslaughter charges for. Clearly the authorities in this case know something we don’t to charge him with the more serious felony murder charge, but they’ll downgrade that if appropriate or a jury will set him free if they’re wrong. His lack of situational awareness, in my mind, is no different than if he left his loaded pistol out and forgot about it resulting in a tragic accidental toddler death.

I have always been very much for putting our one child who is now 12 into situations where she can fail and learn or exceed expectations, but I’ve never forgotten her and certainly never put her in a life or death situation because I was tired or distracted.

“He killed a human and he needs to be punished by society.”

So, in your mind society should want to punish EVERYONE who accidentally kills someone?

Which begs the question, do you think they need to be punished if they commit the exact same act and fortuitously nobody dies? Say this guy still accidentally leaves his child in the exact same car, in the exact same parking lot for the exact same period of time, but does so in February instead of June and the baby is fine, albeit hungry and upset, when discovered.

That is 100% not the society I want. I don’t want a society that punishes based on coincidence and happenstance, rather than actions and intent.

No Donna, that’s absurd and I wouldn’t want to live in the society you describe either. But this guy didn’t put his kid in a high chair and turn around for a second while the kid crawled out and crushed their head into the floor – that would be considered an accident – a horrible, horrible accident that does not deserve punishment to be meted out by society. This guy, at best, put his kid in a situation that has an extremely high probability of death – and that is negligent, it is criminal, and it deserves punishment.

The kid didn’t drown in the toilet bowl without a lock (which, yes, I think locks on toilet bowls are silly). He left his kid locked up in an oven on full heat. It was NOT February.

To answer your question regarding whether he should be punished if all the circumstances were the same but the child survived – YES, absolutely he should be punished for putting his kid in a situation that has an extremely high probability to cause death or permanent injury, even if by some unexplained miracle the kid survived it.

Would you feel the same if this guy had sat his kid on the edge of the woodchipper and the kid accidentally fell in? What if the guy was driving down 285 and ran over a motorcyclist because he was too distracted by whatever was distracting him – no punishment? What if it were the same situation but it was your kid and he was your neighbor and was supposed to drop the kid off at daycare?

America overcriminalizes victimless crimes. Over 40,000 new useless laws were passed last year in this country. I’m a libertarian, I get it. But this is a gross act of negligence that resulted in the loss of life.

“Would you feel the same if this guy had sat his kid on the edge of the woodchipper and the kid accidentally fell in?”

That is a completely different situation. That is an INTENTIONAL act. The person intentionally put the child on the edge of an object that would kill or seriously injure him if he fell in. That act was wrong whether the child falls in or not.

Unless you want to say that merely putting a child in a car is dangerous, this guy didn’t intentionally do anything dangerous (assuming the facts as we knew them at first which do appear to be changing). He didn’t mean to leave his child in the car for 5 seconds, let alone 5 hours.

“What if the guy was driving down 285 and ran over a motorcyclist because he was too distracted by whatever was distracting him — no punishment?”

Depends on what the distraction was. Him intentionally doing something that is not conducive to attentive driving – texting, shaving, reading, watching youtude videos on his phone – punishment. Most every other distraction, no punishment beyond a ticket for failing to attend to the roadway if you must.

“What if it were the same situation but it was your kid and he was your neighbor and was supposed to drop the kid off at daycare?”

Still no punishment if he legitimately simply forgot he had the child. I’m not saying that I would still have warm relations with said neighbor, but I don’t see where he should go to prison.

You’ll note that the key determination in my view is “did the person KNOWINGLY commit some act and that act led to a death.” Is it something he made a point of doing? Or was it something inadvertent that happened because we aren’t a perfect species?

“What if it were the same situation but it was your kid and he was your neighbor and was supposed to drop the kid off at daycare?”

I would hate him for the rest of my life. I would not want to be in the same room with him. None of it means that he should go to prison for years because of that.

There is a reason why we do not let victims and their families run justice system – desire for vengeance and justice are not the same thing.

Right — there are tragic mistakes…and there is willful carelessness.

This story:
http://www.ajc.com/news/news/breaking-news/man-arrested-after-2-year-old-nearly-drowns/ngRJS/

The man was taking care of a 2 year old, and left him unattended (and without flotation device) at a pool. The child nearly drowned. Anyone that leaves a toddler unattended poolside is not making a forgetful mistake, they are taking a huge, known risk.

If the family’s story is true, though, the father did NOT knowingly leave his kid in a hot car. He forgot the child was in there, and had had no intention of leaving him in a hot car at all. I mean, unless we are going to say that ever taking a child anywhere on a day when it’s hot is a negligent act, he didn’t (again, according to the family’s side of the story) do anything willfully dangerous.

@E – You did misunderstand me. If he had done it intentionally he should be punished. Just like a drunk driver should be punished, because the likelihood of it having a profoundly negative impact on someone’s life is great, even if it didn’t occur.

I know how hot cars can get. I used to go to work with my husband and go shopping, then read in the car until his shift was over (we shared a car so it was the only way I ever got out of the house). Within about 10 minutes of the car being shut it would become uncomfortably hot. Since I am capable of opening doors and windows it wasn’t a problem, but for a small child trapped in a 5 point harness with no way to roll down the windows, it would be hellish. Anyone intentionally leaving a child in this situation for longer than it takes to go in and pay for gas/return a library book/use the ATM, should certainly be in trouble for child endangerment.

Well what do you know a 12 year old invented something to stop the whole accidentally leaving the babies in the car. So there you go. http://www.wrcbtv.com/story/25861939/kids-invention-gets-worlds-attention

It was made by a 12 year old with colored duct tape and rubber bands. He gives you instructions on how to make it for under $10. He is not even trying to sell it.

He won a young inventor contest with it. But way to put down a 12 year old. People are just so adamant about not doing something simple to prevent this and so yes, I will have zero sympathy for them if they mess up and kill their kids. Because they were so stubborn about doing even one small simple step to prevent it.

would you feel sorry for me if I walked out in the street without looking both ways for cars and got hit by a car and died? Probably not. This is the same thing. Personal responsibility.

Dolly,
Could you please start crossing the road without looking? Then we can find out if I feel bad or not.

I am fairly certain that if it turns out that this man DID kill his child intentionally, or through abuse or intentional neglect, the “signatures” of even a million people on an internet petition will not get the charges dropped. On the other hand if it WAS a legitimate accident, and the powers that be see that there is a large amount of people that don’t feel it should be considered a crime, they might consider dropping it.

No, I am not suggesting it as something that people should intentionally do, I am just saying that it probably won’t cause any harm. I wouldn’t start one until I knew more, because I wouldn’t want to look stupid, but people signing it are not hurting anything. I actually shared the petition on Facebook, then when I looked into it a little further, I deleted the post, because I didn’t want to share something that wasn’t true, and made me look foolish if it was wrong.

“I agree this is a free range issue because it seems we expect parents to be absolutely perfect. Never forget anything, never let down your guard, never make mistakes. Parents are held up to impossible standards.”

Making sure a helpless child doesn’t fry to death in a place you left them is an impossible standard now? How dare we judge someone for being stupid and irresponsible enough to let this happen. How could he have known his kid was in the car with him, or what would inevitable happen if thr kid was left behind? Everybody makes mistakes. Sometimes they result in 100% avoidable suffering and needless death, but, ya know, we’re all human, anybody could have made the same error. Right? God, I’m honestly afraid for the kids of every parent here who claimed they could have made the same mistake. Some people really are too stupid to breed.

“accidentally backed over in the driveway, accidentally forgotten in the car, accidentally were able to access the pool, or accidentally got out of the house and ran into the street”

One of these things is not like the others. And none of this has to do with sheltering. It’s basic caregiving. Actually, as it turns out, psychopathic murder, which I suspect is really the case nearly every time this occurs. They just happen to be able to prove it this time. It’s truly sad that you people can’t see when you are being manipulated into misplaced empathy.

Why would you or anyone suggest an accidental death caused by the negligence of a parent ( forgetting their child) is a legitimate defense? It’s manslaughter! I can’t make sense of this at all! Every year parents lose rights to their children because they either couldn’t, wouldn’t or did not provide adequate care and protection for their children! Some may have forgotten to feed, clothe, and change diapers regularly or even watch after their child.. but their child did not die in their care! They still lost rights to them because they didn’t put that child’s needs & best interest ahead of everything else!
If Justin along with the other parents who “accidentally” kill their children by forgetting about them aren’t responsible for their child’s safety and well being, who is? It’s a parents most important job to see to it that their child is taken care of and protected.. If an accident at the parents hands cost that child his life, then they’re responsible and should pay the consequences! It’s their job to remember! Oops doesn’t work as a defense! Forgetting about your child isn’t an option! And believe me, unless this man and others like him, have a medical condition to explain forgetting their child within a half a mile drive, then it’s safe to assume the child wasn’t a priority. And if there is a medical condition to explain this horrible tragedy, then he should have had his wife take the child to daycare! It’s that simple! Our children come first! And if we put them first, we won’t forget them! I wish you or someone would explain to me how you think this man not only forgot his child after feeding him breakfast moments earlier, but at no time throughout the day did he remember that he didn’t take the child inside to the on-site daycare? Apparently he was responsible for taking him to daycare, regularly, because the daycare was on-site! At not time, in 7 hours, did he think – I know I forgot something?

Even if it is true that he forgot his son, that is not acceptable! And what kind of message is sending this man money, signing an online petition etc.. Sending to crazy people in this country? That they can forget their child in a hot car and not only will they walk free, they will gain support, and money!
I’ll say it again, it’s not okay to forget about your child! It’s not ok to leave them in a car, run over them, starve them, leave them in dirty diapers causing severe rash, or any other act that a parent might say was due to their memory loss! It is your job to remember and if you have issues with memory, let your spouse take care of the baby! That is your job too.. Making tough decisions that might inconvenience your spouse and embarrass you for the safety of your child! There is NO excuse..
Furthermore, I would love to understand why people are saying, this happens a lot! As if that makes it okay! It doesn’t! It means that more people should be in jail! It doesn’t mean you’re to look over this mans crime because it happens often! No one is so busy that they should forget their child! Remember why you work everyday.. Remember why you wake up every morning.. Remember why you breathe! Remember those things and you’ll never forget your child! Think of all the things these people could turn OFF or remove from their lives that would help them to remember their children! And then tell me it’s not their fault? Radio, cellphone.. Etc.. If this man had been chatting with his son in the car on the way to work, ( if this was an accident) this wouldn’t have happened! If he had placed the diaper bag on the passenger seat? Turned off the cellphone! Put his child first – this wouldn’t have happened! It is his fault! And I’m sorry, but heartbroken isn’t a legal consequence for breaking the law.. People get jail time for leaving their animal in the car! And had this been a pet, he wouldn’t have collected donations and petition- signatures! He certainly shouldn’t get donations and support after forgetting his child! That poor child’s organs slowly shut down until he passed! Tragic!

I think the important part of this issue is that we (as a society) really need to make some decisions about what an accident is. Obviously, leaving or ‘forgetting’ your child in a hot car can be deadly. However, there was a case not to long ago about that woman who left her son in a car on a moderate day, while she ran into the store. Wasn’t she arrested also? Is there really not a difference in those things, or do prosecutors and police just have no judgement anymore.

This actually brought to my mind the case of Shannon Johnson, where it really was an accident. Her 13-month old son wanted to take a bath by himself, so she let him. After it had happened a number of times, he drowned. Because she went to look at Facebook while he was in the bath (apparently close enough to still hear him, from what the article said), she was condemned, and has since been sentenced to 10-years in prison.

Did she make a mistake? Sure, in hindsight it’s easy to say she did. But am I the only one uncomfortable with a prosecutor reviewing any action I make and deciding, after the fact, that it wasn’t the best thing I could have done? For that matter, are there any of us who wouldn’t be found guilty of something using that standard?

I don’t find much excuse for leaving a kid in a car (unless it’s done deliberately, under thought out conditions), but no bail and life in prison does seem a bit extreme. On the other hand, it seems like we really need to re-learn that there are things besides black and white, and sometimes parents have to be able to make those decisions, even if it turns out they were wrong.

It was also discovered – he went out to his car for freaking lunch break. Hmmmmmm. Checking to see his child is dead? I am sorry but if this is the evidence he will be charged for murder and we will have to suffer the consequences by having every Tom, Dick, and Harry calling 911 when we leave a 15 yo in the care to get a gallon of milk.

I know this is an old post but I really hope this prevents the site from endorsing petitions and fundraising for serious legal situations that we have no knowledge of beyond a few paragraphs in a newspaper.

I’m all for communities getting behind causes, but it’s foolish to commit to something without more information.