Hi zhzibidyby
Readers — This letter to the editor of the News Journal in Longview, TX, made me sad AND sick. Mostly I am disheartened by the way we so easily jump to the idea that if there’s a male near a kid, there’s something suspicious about the male. – L.
An open letter to the person who called police on me at the water park:
I would like to say I don’t have any hard feelings toward you but, unlike you, I try to be honest. I’m working on it because hard feelings only hurt the one who holds them. And I don’t need the stress. I had a heart attack and open heart surgery awhile back.
You may remember seeing me at Kidsview water park Sept. 22. I brought my grandson to play in the water. For some reason you profiled me as a child predator and called the cops. I read in the police report you told them I parked in the “bushes.” There are no bushes in the area of the splash pad. You also accused me, according to the report, of acting “suspiciously” with the children. Lie No. 2. The only person I interacted with in any way was my grandson. That’s it.
I see why you had to lie. Who would consider a senior citizen walking in the park a cause for police action?
I was coming back toward the pad when I noticed four police vehicles in the parking lot and four LPD officers converging on me. Since I knew there was no reason for me to require police attention I panicked and thought something had happened to my grandson. The adrenalin started the angina (severe chest pain) and the officer told me why he was there. Someone had reported me as a pedophile. That was you.
At that point it was a struggle to stay on my feet, between the angina and the shakes…..
Here’s the link to the rest of the letter (it’s the last one on the page). And my heart goes out to the writer, Leroy Wolf.
53 Comments
This makes me wonder how clairvoyant you must be to see a man at a park and know he has sex with children. Do people not know what the word pedophile means? Did the person who reported this man as a pedophile observe him engaging in sexual activity with a child? And most importantly, has this person been charged with filing a false police report?
I am a single dad. When my son was younger, I worked 7-on, 7-off shifts. During the weeks off, I would frequently take my son to the park. I was always worried about having issues, but fortunately I never did. I remember many times when I would be helping my son on the monkey bars, or similar activities, and other kids would ask me to help them. There was always a part of me that worried about someone assuming the worst intent on my part, but I ultimately decided I would rather take that risk.
I want a world where people can be nice and neighborly to other people and their children, and that was my way of working toward the world that I wanted. Fortunately, nothing bad ever happened. Stories like this remind me that the other outcome was always a possibility.
That’s disgusting. I think the people who are so glib about calling the cops on men who are out with their children should be outed to the people they reported. No more of this anonymous witness crap. That would go a long way to deter frivolous calls.
Everybody stop for a minute here and imagine this was your son and your dad. AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Somewhere, someone on some blog linked to this letter is going to say, “Well, better that they were making sure the kid was safe.”
Because potentially inducing a heart attack in a perfectly innocent grandfather playing with his grandson is a fair price to pay to make sure no paranoia goes unfed.
Sad and sick is right. My stomach knotted up while reading this and thinking what this poor grandfather must have been feeling. But I also have an issue with the headline “mistaken identity.” Had there been a report of an actual pedophile in the area? Did this grandfather look like him? Was he driving the same kind of car? If the answers are all no, then this was not “mistaken identity.” It was somebody jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst about another person. I really wonder how hard it would have been to engage the man and his grandchild in a conversation to get a better feel for what was going on. This person may have realized that this grandfather and grandson were sharing a bond and creating valuable memories together. I’m all for making sure children are safe, but how about if first we make sure they’re in danger to begin with!
My family went on a Disney cruise over the holiday. It was a great vacation but I was reminded of how absurd our society has become on the second day. I dropped my kids off at the Oceaneer’s Club – essentially a really fun day care so the grown ups get a break. I went in with them to make sure they were OK since it was their first time there and my 3 year old is occasionally skittish about new places and people. The first thing they do upon entry is pour a big glob of germ killing soap on the kid’s hands and send them straight to the bathroom to wash (killing germs was a theme on the ship that I really appreciated). I went back and started to go into the bathroom to help my 3 year old because he doesn’t always get all the soap off his hands. The employee stationed in the area stopped me and asked me to stay out of the bathroom “for the safety of the other children whose parents aren’t here”. It didn’t hit me until after I left, but basically she was afraid that if I went into the bathroom I would molest another person’s child, apparently right in front of my own kids. I’m sure this policy is a protection for Disney against lawsuits, but this is really too much.
Anne, not that it really makes it better, but in my experience the headlines on letters to the editor are even worse than the headlines on articles. I think the headline writer gives only a cursory reading to the letter, and “mistaken identity” seems more journalistic than “meddling busybody.” They’re not to be taken seriously. Of course the unfortunate thing is that the headline does prejudice the reader toward what he’s about to read.
{sarcasm} In the accuser’s defense, he or she probably wasn’t lying to the police about thinking the man was acting suspiciously. He probably honestly believes that any older man in proximity to kids is, by definition, acting suspiciously. {/sarcasm}
And how about the fact a bunch of cops wasted their time when there was real crime to fight….
That poor man. Really makes me ill. To the poster about the Disney Cruise – it is also for your own protection. You don’t want to be falsely accused of anything like that poor man was. No grandparent should ever be accused. Sure – if you recognize the child from a missing persons report or if the child looks like they are in distress. People are nuts.
The worst part about this is that the toolbox who called the cops probably doesn’t even read the newspaper and will never know of her mistake. But then again, she probably wouldn’t care – better to be safe than sorry, don’tcha know…
Sick sick sick!!! Once again there are how many cops on site for false info not to mention the reason for them attending the park. He had parked in the bushes? and then when they are needed and its a true need for them WHERE ARE THEY? Poor guy and his grandson. Scary that so many officers came for that little / not very alarming bit of info. Bushes that were not there and acting suspiciously ? REALLY ?? WTF? Yes i agree she needs to be the one checked out and charges pressed for false info. starting with the bushes that were not there.
This man was also a Vietnam veteran. His letter also adds:
“Now you have added “child predator.” I now have a history at the police station. Thanks. Now just thinking about taking my grandson anywhere there are kids stresses me out. I will continue to take him but I will pray that you or a similar genius are not there.”
It’s amazing how fear goes full circle. This man should be honored in public for his service to our country,but instead he’s afraid of being called a pervert for no good reason.
I am the one who relayed this to Lenore. No I’m not Leroy, but I live near this place and, in fact, may have well been at that location, or others like it, in that very city. My wife works in that city. I’ve worked in that city. I sometimes play with my kids, and in fact other kids (if they gravitate to me, which for some reason they do on occasion), in that city. I am a hobbyist photographer, I’ve photographed kids in that city. So when I read this, I had to send it to Lenore. Thank you Lenore for making light of this.
I just finished composing my own letter-to-the-editor & sent it, I hope it prints. Here it is, verbatim.
————————————————————————
This is in response to Leroy Wolf’s letter to the editor last Wednesday, this was the grandfather who had the police called on him, when he was merely interacting with his own children, for being presumed to be a pedophile.
Whoever the reporter was: shame on you. You should be ashamed of yourself. You had no business interfering with Leroy Wolf’s life based on sheer hysteria regarding his gender and his interaction with his own grandchild. I myself am a father, and in fact on occasion at places such as parks small children BESIDES MY OWN will see me & wish for me to interact with them. A hobbyist photographer, I also take photos if anything cute or precious transpires. Naturally my priority with both regards my own child, but I don’t hesitate to participate in the magical joy of children in such ways if the opportunity arises.
There is nothing creepy, threatening, nor illegal about ANY of it. I will continue to live my life as such, and I will NOT let someone like you spoil this and instill unjustified fear based on nothing beyond the scientific fact that I happened to be born with XY chromosomes. This is something in which I had no part in deciding, and for which I should not have to apologize to the likes of you. The same applies to Leroy Wolf.
You owe Leroy Wolf an apology. You owe all fathers an apology, for assuming any male interacting with a child is a pervert. I have encountered the likes of you myself before, as a hysterical woman at Lake Gladewater once screamed at me “stop taking pictures of my kids, you pervert!” when I was merely photographing the ducks.
Some of you ought there really need a reality check. Just because you assume all males to be perverts gives you no right to go around harassing fine men minding their own business, a practice which you would do well to duplicate yourself.
————————————————————————
Larry
@TRS, “it is also for your own protection. You don’t want to be falsely accused of anything like that poor man was.”
Perhaps, but she specifically stated that I was not allowed to go into bathroom for the children’s safety. She didn’t mention a word about my protection. But even if you’re right, that just reiterates how bad things have gotten. We are considered guilty until proven innocent.
@TRS: Should I modify my perfectly normal behavior so I won’t be “falsely accused”? Wow. That’s living in fear.
I better not take my kids to the playground because someone might think I’m a pedophile.
I better not go on our annual 4 day backpack trip with my daughter because someone might think I’m a pedophile.
I better not engage in my photography hobby because someone might think I’m a pedophile.
I better not take my son out to dinner for a boys’ night out because someone might think I’m a pedophile.
Of course, this is all “for my protection”.
And then the same women bemoan absentee fathers and demonize men because they’re uninvolved with children.
How horrible. I love that he has made the issue public, however. Hopefully his letter will make others think before they assume such awful things. There’s being aware and then there’s paranoia.
A troubling part of the story is how easy it is to make a false charge of this type and how damaging it can be to the falsely accused, no matter how obviously false or overtly bizarre the accusation.
Adult males have little choice but to minimize contact with children, simply as an issue of self preservation. It’s sad.
@Larry Harrison JR, very good letter-to-the-editor! Hope they print it.
This made me so sad. My parents care for my 5 year old twice a week, and have done so since she was a newborn. My father always says that spending time with my daughter makes him happier than anything else in the world. She sits on his lap, he tickles her constantly, and they generally have a ball together. If something like this happened to him I do not think I could contain myself!
Thank goodness it wasn’t like this when I was a kid.
A large part of my childhood was going to swimming lessons at the Y during the summer. My grandpa would pick me up from day care, take me to swimming, and watch me swim and learn. Because he was proud of me.
Then we’d play a game of pool in the Y community area, then stop and get ice cream. Sometimes on the weekends, he would take me bowling or miniature golfing. Sometimes we’d just stay home and play cards and board games.
My uncle would also take me out to eat at nice restaurants that most kids wouldn’t go. He treated me like an equal, and I learned how to act like an adult. Because of his confidence in me, I learned the benefit of behaving in public and acting mature. Sometimes he would also take be to see movies that my grandparents didn’t want to see.
My parents divorced when I was 5, and my dad lived 100 miles away. My mom was a single mom working at a fast food restaurant (she hadn’t worked when they were married). Because of my grandpa and uncle, I got a positive male influence in my life. I attribute a lot of my accomplishments and the person I am today to them and their guidance.
Age has not been kind to my grandpa, and I’m afraid that he may not be with us much longer. But he will always live on in my memories. Thank god I didn’t have a busybody like this lady to taint my childhood, I would be a much different person today.
I was at the park the other day and I saw a dad ( I know it was dad because I heard the kids calling him that) with his kids, 2 boys and a girl. The only thing that went through my mind was, its nice to see a dad here playing with his kids.
All this “just in case” crap is just that and I hate how lives are hurt by it. When did common sense stop being so common?
And again, another busybody calls 911, and causes;
1. stress and aggrevation for an innocent man
2. wastes the time and resources of the police
and walks away with no responsibility for his or her actions.
Is that not a false police report? Should that reporter not be charged for that? They wasted police time and harassed an innocent grandpa. That reporter should have to pay for that time, be charged with harassment and have to apologize. Maybe then they would think twice before calling in a false report.
A false police r
A false police report is to report something that you KNOW isn’t a crime. You report your car as stolen when you gave it to your boyfriend who you subsequently found out was cheating on you. It is not a false police report if you report something that you truly believe to be a crime, but it turns out on investigation not to be.
Yes you too can Bully!
Bullying use to be exclusive to people that are born big, loud, or good at intimidation. That’s no longer true.
If you’re insecure, there’s no reason why you too can’t make yourself feel better by pushing other people down! The safety of children is such an important issue that it can be used as a trump card to bully that anyone can wield. This trump card is so powerful that no one would dare question it.
Testimony of others
One day I heard that a principal was using the traditional birthday spankings. He was using a padded paddle and only children that asked to participate would receive the birthday spanking.
I knew that my trump card would prevail. I filed a complaint and called him sadistic and trying to ingrain his authority in an abusive way. Although he had many years working with children and had many supporters, no government official would dare to hold up the investigation no matter how harmless it sounded. If they did, they knew that I’d play my trump card against them for the ‘cover up’.
It worked! I made him resign!
Happens all the time. As a Dad, I find I am always watched when I am out with any of my kids. Mostly with the girls. It’s a sick sick world out there.
I have to say, I’m heartened by the comments on the original website. I think more and more people are getting tired of living in constant fear of everything, and beginning to notice that it doesn’t match reality, while these so-called “safety policies” actually are hurting people, like the commentor whose son was apparently falsely accused of a crime against a girl.
@Ndelcs, I think you should contact Disney and tell them of your experience on the ship and how it made you feel. Disney has a long history of listening to the customer and doing their best to provide 150% satisfaction. I think they would at least consider changing this policy based on complaints.
i totally agree, Silver Fang. We have the right, constitutionally, to face our accusers. That should be upheld in almost every circumstance. If there is a real, credible danger to the accuser, then there could be occasikonal exceptions, but only occasionally.
When I read stories like these I often wonder where these people come from. Who in there right mind would call the cops on a grandpa spending the day with his grandson. I don’t understand how that could possibly look wrong. Maybe I think it is odd because I live in a small town where nobody does this kind of thing. Actually, nobody does most of the things I read on this site in my town or the entire county I live in, including the city. Seriously, what is wrong with people like that. I don’t know how anyone could possibly feel good about themselves causing a poor grandpa that kind of stress.
I would get a copy of call log, and police report. and hand it over to the newspaper exposing this do good for all to see.
See about charges of a false report !
This is something I wonder about. My husband and I love to babysit our neice, who is now 3 years old. She is a different race than us and it’s not very obvious to strangers that she’s related to him.
“I have to say, I’m heartened by the comments on the original website.”
I am somewhat, too, but I can’t help thinking back to my social psych classes in college. This man is getting sympathy (and rightly so) because he’s the letter writer, and is making his case for himself. He’s able (again, rightly) to put himself in the center of the story as the aggrieved party.
I can’t help wondering if the reaction would be a little different if it were just a straight news story reporting that a man had been picked up for acting suspiciously around children in a water park. The same people probably *wouldn’t* be defending the reporter’s action here, but it might bring a different element out of the woodwork.
Still, it is good that the he’s getting so much support and nary a comment yet informing him that he should be glad that there are so many people making sure his grandson is safe, even if his rights and safety got caught in the way a little bit this time.
Great Idea: If you are concerned about a person at a children’s area being a pedophile…go over and say “hello”..engage in conversation. Ask about the children s/he is with. There ya go: no more need to call the police!
This must only happen to men.
When I took my daughters to the park, a school group was there. The kids were about 3-4 years old. One of the girls kept coming up to me, wanting to see my baby. None of the teachers thought this was a problem. All I could think was , “How do you know that I’m not crazy? Because I’m a woman?”
@AztecQueen: Yes. Here’s an article from our local paper:
http://www.registerguard.com/web/updates/29292179-55/car-county-deputies-marion-possible.html.csp
Now mind you Sublimity is 75 miles from where I live and where this paper is published, yet this “child predator” article ended up in our paper.
Nothing happened; a man drove up with a soccer ball and asked some kids if it was theirs. But because he’s a man, it’s assumed he’s a child molester.
This makes me absolutely sick to the point of tears. My dad was great, and a wonderful grandfather. I can only imagine the fear and humiliation he would have felt at having the police investigating him for being a pedophile.
It’s so sad that men who wants to spend time with their children or grandchildren are automatically seen with suspicion. It’s sadder still to think my two boys may find themselves having to defend their honor as men. Not in war, or in protecting their families, but to protect themselves from suspicion and false accusations, just because of their gender.
I know I am going to get eggs thrown at me for this comment. But… We should be slow to judge another person’s motives. We are assuming that the reporter had evil intentions. That may be the case. However it might not be. Maybe the reporter was the victim of a bad experience herself which has adversely effected her perceptions of other people? Maybe the Grandad reminded her of somebody she knew? Had there been rumours of a pedo acting in Kidsview Water Park? When word gets around of a pedophile in an area, people do become paranoid. I have to confess I have been guilty myself, although I used Gina’s wisdom. I made conversation. I tried to be subtle but he saw right through it. He turned out to be my 7yo neighbours uncle. It was embarrassing for me but thankfully the person I suspected was understanding. He even thanked me for looking out for his niece. If I had gone headlong into calling the police, I would have had much more apologising to do. He may well not have been so polite about the matter. To the person who made the allegation: I urge you to unreservedly apologise to the Grandfather. You have caused undeserved stress to a man who was simply being a good Grandpa. However I urge you to put your side of the story forward. You have as much right to defend youself. This could be a learning experience for you.
@Andrew
Really? Yes we can be judgemental of the person who called the police. They saw a man with a young girl, and made the assumption he was a predator.
They called the police, on a Grandfather, and his granddaughter. I do not care how bad society thinks it is, or what this persons history is, or whether this person had been raped the day before. There is no excuse for what they did, period.
It is far too easy to call 911 and report something, then just walk away. If you are not willing to give your name, address and phone number, and stick around to give a statement, then you should not be abel to call in, and be taken seriously. You should be held accountable for your actions.
There have been incidents like this, reported before. Some with cops that were real hardasses. What if the responding officers had taken that route, and stressed Grandpa into a fatal heart attack? What then?
Yes @Andrew Dove you’re darned right eggs will be thrown. I could give a fig less, as could the victim here I think, what the prior person’s experience is. I had certain persons in my family in the past mugged by African-American persons, does that make it okay for me to be prejudiced towards that race and assume all African-Americans are criminals? I see no difference here. For sure, this person definitely should not be compelled to thank this idiot for looking out for his grandchild. She wasn’t “looking out,” she was butting in.
As @Warren said, it is far too easy to just call the police on someone based on the tiniest of suspicions. People should own up to it. If you can’t stand behind your accusations, don’t make them. If you’re brave enough to involve forces which can tamper with someone’s life, then be brave enough to say you’re the one who did it. If you can’t, then stay the heck out of it..
I live in this area, and I am not making any promises, but I’m going to see if there is something I can do about this. I sure hope I don’t just sit by and see what happened in a community I’ve participated in, my wife works in, I’ve worked in before, and do nothing. If so, I’m not that much better than this person. I’ve written a letter to the editor, but I want to do more. I make no promises, but do more I intend to do.
Larry
@Andrew: so having a bad experience gives you the unfettered ability to ruin someone else’s? No.
In this paranoid society, simply the accusation of “child predator” is deadly. When a company runs a record check on you and it shows an arrest for “child predator”, you’re screwed. You will never, ever, get a job.
(And think back; how many times have you read in the paper that a person had a “previous record of arrests but no convictions” for things like child abuse?)
But that’s OK if the accuser had a bad experience, or if they stubbed their toe that day and just were feeling bad.
I recently visited New York City for the first time during the holidays. I lived downtown Chicago for 8 years so I am used to participating in cautious and seeing cautious behavior but this one was new – something I have NEVER seen before.
We were in the mall area under Rockefeller Center and I needed to take my 4 year old daughter to the bathroom. She still isn’t a pro at doing the whole bathroom thing by herself but she is well on her way.
Anyway, as we waited in line a woman had her JUNIOR HIGH age son in line for the Women’s with her. He had pulled his coat up over his head (no hood so it was obvious he was hiding — either hiding the fact that he wasn’t a girl or hiding from embarrassment of his MOMMY making him use the Women’s I have no idea).
A female security guard approached them and the mother just lit into her about how she was doing this and how “these are the times in which we live.” At this point even my 4 year old was blown away by seeing a boy that old in the women’s bathroom – she sees little ones all the time, obviously.
As the mother was yelling at the security guard another mother with a junior high aged son came out of the bathroom basically in agreement and full of support for the first mother. The security guard rolls her eyes and walks away.
What really took the cake was when the mother in line and her son made their way into the bathroom and he goes into his own stall she was yelling in a panicked voice “You’ll be OK, Jordan, I’m right here!” Did she seriously expect to share a stall with him?
So my mind was officially blown. I see the stories like this on this site but had never actually witnessed it.
So after we left the bathroom, I did the real “classy” thing and told my junior high aged niece who was waiting for us all about it and warned her that the future MEN of her era were being raised in this manner and I really felt for her when the time came for her to date or get married. Can you imagine the future mothers-in-law of THIS world?!
But it all boils down to the same thing – not trusting men, all men are bad, suspicious and going to molest your sons in the bathroom. There is no one trustworthy in a bathroom that has 10+ stalls, no one who would help your son in a worst case scenario, and worst of all your son has no common sense to help himself. Because, lady, that is how you’re raising him.
REALLY????!!!!
This article was published on an Australian website the other day
http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/abducting-his-own-child/
While I can see vast differences (the Aus one intervened herself, not called the cops, she was familiar with the child), there is still that assumption a man with a child is a threat. I find the author’s response interesting as well.
My other big concern with this is the gentleman in question now has a history at the police station. I can only assume that means the incident was recorded? As far as I know in Australia (and I could be wrong), given there was no wrong doing and no suspicion at all, nothing would be recorded.
@Melissa
Under most circumstances a boy at the age to attend junior high caught on his own in a women’s restroom would be arrested, would he not?
@ Andrew Dove – I don’t think the reporter had evil intentions at all. I’m not sure even what the “evil intentions” of which you speak would be unless she (and let’s face it; it was most likely a she) knew this man, knew he was with his granddaughter and wanted him to have an angina attack because she hates him.
I think the person was honestly concerned for some reason and called the police. However, I think some people’s danger meters have been forced way out of whack by this national obsession with pedophiles and child abductions. They have no reference for the fact that men do have children, grandchildren and other young relatives and do from time to time occasionally spend time with them. They view all men as dangers, and thus, can’t be trusted with 911 access.
I think we can both agree that her motives might not have been “evil,” and still judge her. It’s what Donna said — she was wrong and misguided, because her danger meter was badly off for whatever reason. Maybe those reasons are in some sense not her fault, but she’s still an adult in control of her actions, so she is still subject to a negative judgment for unnecessary, destructive behavior. In judging her negatively we don’t need to be harsh and hateful, but there’s no reason to excuse her, either.
“Anyway, as we waited in line a woman had her JUNIOR HIGH age son in line for the Women’s with her. He had pulled his coat up over his head (no hood so it was obvious he was hiding — either hiding the fact that he wasn’t a girl or hiding from embarrassment of his MOMMY making him use the Women’s I have no idea).”
This IS a parent sexually abusing their child.
Your style is unique in comparison to other folks I’ve read stuff from. Many thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I’ll just book mark this page.|
@Jess, we had a problem when my husband took my friend’s young daughter on a backpacking trip. She is of a different race than us, and the same age as our son. Her parents aren’t able to do long hikes, so he included her in a trip that he had planned with my two boys. He’s known her since she was born, she calls him “uncle” and his father and my husband were at school together.
Some busybody came up to her in the parking lot at the trailhead, pulling on her hand, and asked her if she needed any help, if she was okay, if she needed to call her mother, and who the man was. She said “my uncle” My husband walked up to them and said – “We’re ready” so the woman started quizzing him on how she knew the little girl. Ugh.
…how *he* knew the little girl…sorry for the typo.