Hello Lenore,
I have had great interest in your philosophy and truly feel connected to your philosophy of allowing our children the opportunity to grow and as individuals through independence and exploration. I had the pleasure of listening to your piece on NPR a few months ago and was so relieved that there was someone else feeling exactly as I did about this issue! I grew up in Rhode Island in the lat 70’s and 80’s…the youngest of 5 children with a divorced working mom. I was allowed a tremendous amount of freedom and am thankful each day for the independence is has given me.
Flash forward to today and I am a mom to three wonderful children ages 9,7, and 4. I now live NJ about 15 miles west of NYC. I try as much as possible to raise my children with this practice. They are encouraged to be outside everyday as much as possible working on projects with each other. I am not only amazed by the ingenuity in their independent play but encouraged to continue this way of parenting as I can see how they flourish without the confines of a specific “game” to play or craft to do.
Over the years, it has become extremely obvious that mine are the only children in our neighborhood that are outside playing while I am making dinner, doing laundry etc. Although there are children living in each of my neighbors homes, our street is eerily quiet on any given day or time. This has always made me a bit sad as I just don’t know why nobody else’s children are playing outside but to be honest, I was happy enough going on my own way and reaping the rewards of my children being able to play independently and create such amazing things to do as I was when I was a child. I have such fond memories of my adventures without my mothers watchful eye and I want this for my children as well!
Until today, I have felt comfortable in my own bubble but this weekend, something has happened to a wonderful mother and friend in my town that is just beyond words and is but a symptom of the larger disease that is killing our childrens’ drive and ingenuity.
Saturday afternoon, this mother was taking a shower and made the calculated decision to allow her three children ages 7,5, and 3 to watch a movie while she did so. She stepped out of the shower and heard knocking on her back door.. when answering it, she was met by two police officers and her 3 year old son crying. She was so worried that she picked him up and held him. The officers explained that her neighbor has called them because he saw her son sitting in his front yard and were concerned. She explained that she had been in the shower and apologized for the inconvenience. (Her neighborhood is one block from the elementary school, speed limit 20 on a side street) The police explained to her that this was no small offense and that child protective services would have to be involved.
Two hours later an agent from DYFS came to her home and searched it, interviewed her and her husband as well as each child individually and alone. My friend is an elementary school teacher (although has made the noble choice to put her career on hold while her children are small) and her husband is an attorney. They are both wonderful parents that care immensely not only for their own children but those of all of their friends and family.
Today she will bear the burden of notifying her childrens’ teachers (whom she met approximately three day ago) that not only is she that class parent but now has an open case with DYFS pending. She spend yesterday putting chain locks on her doors as was requested by the agent so as to avoid any further charges. She will have to resign as the girl scout troop leader for her daughter which she has done for three years. And today the case worker assigned to her file will let her know what else she will need to do to be a “fit” mother.
This is all so very horrifying to me as a mother and a citizen. What has happened in our culture that makes this possible?? She is me, she is us, she is every mother that is doing the very best she can for her children.
I am hopeful that this didn’t take too much of your time. I was so inspired by your NPR interview and it really rang so true for me. Something has to change in our culture. What happened to a village raising a child? Why is a neighbor so quick to call police instead of knocking on the door and why is law enforcement so quick to judge a situation and in doing so creating not only a permanent record but even worse, a mom that is now so nervous and uncertain!
I am truly passionate about this and feel that it is our right and duty to protect our childrens’ childhood! They are just learning about the world and all it has to offer…let it be a wonderful journey for them!
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Linda Agarwal
1 Comment
Who called? It’s a small neighborhood, you should be able to find out. The fact that you can no longer be a Girl Scout leader without being convicted shows how stupid and devastating these laws can be. This will also affect her ability to resume her teaching career. I promise cps will make you jump through as many hoops as they possibly can until you finally scream enough! You might think as an innocent that you should just go along and it will work out but it won’t. You need to fight now, and hard. Get an outside attorney who specializes in these cases and don’t stop until your name is cleared. They will outright lie to get you listed as a child abuser or neglected. They go after low hanging innocent parents like this because they know you think doing what they ask will make it go away. It won’t. It makes their numbers look good and they can say, well we go after everybody the same. No they don’t. If you are on government aid or in a lower class neighborhood they don’t care. Otherwise they would be up to their necks in cases and actually protect some children. It happened to me and I learned the hard way. Lost my retirement fighting them to be cleared and even after a judge told them to remove my name I had to go back to court 3 times. They get no extra money for finding people innocent.