“Am I Cute?” Asks Kid Annoyed that Her Parents Are Cleaning Up Instead of Playing with Her

Ohh… I’m having a curmudgeonly morning and so that awful commercial is grinding my gears more than usual.

But the thing that bothers me most is not the kid’s entitled attitude toward her parents’ time. I mean, if the kid really wanted parent time, she could pitch in and help clean. Group labor, especially if you put some good music on, can be really fun. Just ask Habitat for Humanity.

But no. The kid insists on asking, “Am I cute?” Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but the girl is maybe five years old and is already learning that her physical appearance is what should matter most. Not, “Let’s plant flowers together, Mom!” Not, “Let’s play catch, Dad!” No. It’s “I’m cute, and that’s why you should spend time with me doing what I want.”

This would never fly if it were a boy in the commercial.

And this is the perfect time for the parents to teach the girl that, in the long run, being an interesting and useful human being will pay far greater dividends than being cute. Here’s some windex, kid. Don’t get it in your eyes.

teacher jr I loved your comment. when I was growing up Saturdays were for cleaning[all of us] and nothing else was considered until chores were done. my mom’s reasoning was that we helped make the mess we were responsible for helping clean it up and as we had homework during the week Saturday it was. children now adays don’t learn a work ethic and that helping a home isn’t child abuse, it’s the way life works. too many people[esp cps workers] are of the opinion that chores are not for children’s growth and sense of responsibility but are a sign of a lazy parent who selfishly expects kids to work their poor little fingers to the bone. and then they wonder why far too many kids grow up expecting everything to be done for them and have now no clue to handle job duties[such as showing up on time, staying off your phone, completing projects and staying til the end of your shift].

Old enough to think that way and articulate it….then damn well old enough to get of your entitled butt and help.

I think a huge reason we parents spend more time entertaining and playing with our kids is the fact that they’re no longer able, for the most part in this country, to just pop outside and immediately join the other neighborhood kids in play. I feel a lot of pressure to play with my singleton son. If he’s not in school or at a baseball game or at a play date (that I arranged at least two weeks in advance and only happens about twice per month due to everyone’s busy schedules) he’s stuck with me or playing by himself. It sucks. I’d love to just set him loose outside to find other kids to play with but we all know the reasons for not doing that.

@TRS –

I hear you. When I did yard work and cleanup for part of my living, the last thing I wanted to do was my OWN yard work.

But this ad doesn’t show a tired cleaning person wishing for more time with his/her family. If it did, it might be more effective. Instead, it shows a bratty, entitled kid who has already learned how to use her ‘cute widdle dimples’ to manipulate her parents and the viewers.

Kid needs a swift kick in her special-snowflake posterior and a reality check.

While I agree that this child’s behaviour wasn’t stellar, I also don’t love the mentality that every time a child exhibits childish behaviour, he or she is a “brat.” Also, what we saw in this commercial would be the equivalent of a soliloquy, or an internal monologue, in theatre. So, the audience could hear what this little girl was saying, but the other characters in the scene (i.e., her parents in the commercial) couldn’t hear her–all they saw was the little girl quietly doing her workbook (which might have been for school) while they cleaned. Even adults have similar moments of impatience–in traffic, in line at the grocery store/coffee shop/bank/post office/whatever, or sometimes even with their children. We don’t condemn adults every time they have a thought that’s less than altruistic, so I think kids should get even more slack, even if they do express these less desirable sentiments. There’s absolutely a middle option between “Give the brat a swift kick in the posterior,” and “Adults do all the work while Kiddo does nothing,” and that’s, “Hey, Kiddo, we can go to the park when the kitchen is clean. You can help by loading the dishwasher,” or whatever it is that needs to be done, that she can reasonably do. Then, when it’s done, even if it takes longer than it would have otherwise, you play up how, since the whole family cleaned up together, now there’s time for fun. You don’t condemn a child who’s still figuring out the world, for not magically knowing that everyone needs to help, and for not inherently being able to clean as well and as efficiently as an adult.

Also, I think a child wanting to spend time with her parents (after they’ve been at work all week, and she’s been in school and various extra-curricular activities) is less bratty than a child, say, screaming for cookies or sugary cereal or a Frozen doll, and I think condemning THAT is another symptom of “wanting it both ways.” If kids aren’t allowed to play outside alone, then of course it’s going to bother a naturally extroverted child that her parents are physically there in the room with her, but apparently ignoring her. I guess what I’m saying here is, children aren’t miniature adults, and they need to be helped and guided towards maturity; not berated and shamed.

I’m starting to understand why some of you advocate a “Free Range” lifestyle – it’s because you really can’t stand kids and you don’t want to have to be around them – yours or anyone else’s. Really, people, “entitled”? “Brat”? Honestly, it’s just the nature of kids that they say “I’m bored” (or something equivalent) before they think of saying “can I help so this will go faster”? (And, as noted, with a five-year-old “helping” clean, it really doesn’t go faster.) You people claim you want kids to allowed to be kids, but when you find examples of kids actually being kids, you get your briefs in a bunch.

>>Maybe she asks her parents to play with her because she is so annoying other kids won’t.<<

No, I think the problem is that she and the other kids aren't allowed to play freely in the neighbourhood, and they live in a suburb that's designed for cars rather than pedestrians anyway, so kids spend their lives being either kept inside, or chauffeured from one supervised activity to another. Kids don't often get to choose who they want to play with anymore.

@Emily –

Yes, I was being hyperbolic. I warned you guys on my initial post that I was having an especially curmudgeonly day. <>

I agree that expressing profound boredom, especially when doing a math workbook on a Saturday morning, is certainly within the bounds of normal kid behavior. I also understand that this was meant to ‘break the 4th wall’ between the characters and the audience.

Either way though, her monologue gives us an insight into her character, and I think her character is deficient in ways that cannot be excused as simply being developmentally appropriate selfishness for a child her age. “I’m bored; I wish you would stop cleaning and pay attention to me” is one thing; “I’m cute, so you *should* stop cleaning and pay attention to me” is quite another.

And that’s the part that’s most troublesome. It’s not her boredom, but the fact that at the tender age of 5-ish, she knows how to use her physical attributes to manipulate the adults in her life. “I’m cute; pay attention to me” might barely be forgivable at age 5, especially if the adults in her life regularly give her recognition and praise for her appearance over her achievements, but will become far less endearing (and potentially cause huge amounts of trouble) as the girl gets older.

Here’s what I’m talking about. Promoting style over substance by encouraging little girls to be “cute” doesn’t really do them any favors.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html

@TeacherJR “And that’s the part that’s most troublesome. It’s not her boredom, but the fact that at the tender age of 5-ish, she knows how to use her physical attributes to manipulate the adults in her life. ”

Oh please, trying to manipulate adults with whatever works is normal child behavior since age of 12 months. Literally, through 12 months old do that by fake crying.They get more and more sophisticated each ear and stuff like “am I cute” is pretty much normal attempt already at age 3. Still pretty much normal at 5. Both boys and girls by the way.

It does not mean adults should cave to it or support it. Absolutely not, but it happens with many kids regardless. If that bothers you, I question how many 2-5 years old you know.

“might barely be forgivable at age 5, especially if the adults in her life regularly give her recognition and praise for her appearance over her achievements,”

Well, if that is the case I would call the kid innocent. Kids tend to do what adults praise in them.

“but will become far less endearing (and potentially cause huge amounts of trouble) as the girl gets older.”

Or maybe not. Or maybe she is going to be one of those politically skilled people who say right thing at the right time to achieve needs to be done and will use it for good. Or maybe she will use it to make people around her feel better. If you don’t have a bit of people skill like that, you are unlikely to ever be successful entrepreneur, sales, public relations or anything that is not nerdy programmer.

This make as much sense as worrying the boy will grow up to be violent because he got into physical fight at the age of 5 over toy. Yeah, if he is running around with gang at age of 17 then it is problem, but chances are the fight at 5 years old is really not a precursor to that.

“Either way though, her monologue gives us an insight into her character, and I think her character is deficient in ways that cannot be excused as simply being developmentally appropriate selfishness for a child her age.”

That is absurd. Expecting anyone, whether child or adult, to be completely selfless inside is over the top. It is normal for people to want things they cant have. It is perfectly healthy to work out those emotions inside, think about them and then occasionally try to take action. Plenty of my adults colleagues or friends had selfish moment and they are not scary evil people, they are just normal humans with moments of imperfection. Sometimes they admit they have been wrong in hindside, sometimes not.

But sure as hell I don’t keep them to standard you keep imaginary 5 years old from an ad. I would be pretty lonely if I would expect that level of perfection all the time.

My kids learned early that “I’m bored” gets them a list of chores that need doing. Suddenly, they always find something to do on their own. Now that they’re teenagers, they definitely don’t help as much as I would like. But I don’t do their laundry, at all, so if they want clean clothes, it is up to them. And if I wear myself out doing yard work while they sit around, then they don’t get to ask “What’s for dinner?” because the answer will be “Whatever you heat up in the microwave – I’m not cooking”. I can have guacamole and chips for dinner and be very happy, so if you don’t feel like helping, I don’t feel like putting in any effort either. If they want a ride to the store or some other favor, they can either help me finish what I need to finish, or walk, or wait until I am done.

Now, I do have a cleaning person come once every two weeks. This is because I share 1 bathroom with 3 guys, and I treat myself by having someone else sandblast the filth off periodically. This also forces the guys to find the floors in their rooms twice a month. But I have a cleaning person so that I can occasionally sleep after working 50-60 hour weeks, not so I can entertain my children.

I think there’s nothing sadder than a kid so accustomed to adults playing with them (and guiding the play – because that’s what inevitably happens) that they don’t know how to have fun without adults being in charge. If there’s one thing a kid should know how to do, it’s play.

On the other point, just last week my 4-year-old son was whining at me to do something fun with him. I said I was busy and he should find something to do on his own. Lo and behold, ten minutes later, he came and asked, “Mom, can I do anything to help you?” and then he actually executed the task I found for him. It doesn’t always work so well, but it sure feels great when it does.

>>Either way though, her monologue gives us an insight into her character, and I think her character is deficient in ways that cannot be excused as simply being developmentally appropriate selfishness for a child her age. “I’m bored; I wish you would stop cleaning and pay attention to me” is one thing; “I’m cute, so you *should* stop cleaning and pay attention to me” is quite another.<

Or maybe that monologue gives us insight into a fictitious character created by a questionable team of writers, who produced a sub-par script, because hey, it's just a kid doing a commercial. For all we know, that little girl shot that commercial in between running a lemonade stand for cancer research, and organizing a clothing drive for the poor with her Daisy Scout troop. For all we know, she's been taught by adults that the kind of behaviour shown in that commercial is just pretend, and she isn't supposed to act like that outside of the context of acting…….because it really is just acting. What we see in this commercial is no different from a grown woman playing the role of, say, Medea, but being a big-time kid person in real life.

@pentamom “If you get her to pick up her own toys, take the dishes out of the dishwasher that she’s able to put away properly, make her own bed, and make sure everything that belongs to her is put away from the common areas of the house, that’s at least a few minutes that you don’t have to spend yourself, regardless of how long it takes her to do it while you’re scrubbing the floor and doing the windows.”

They sort of start picking the toys, but then they forget about duty and start to play mid work. And then I am doing policeman and have to nudge them all the time, because once I told then to do it I want them to do it. My strategy is to insist on them finishing the work once I told them, instead of them doing it half and then me ignoring it. I dislike the approach in which parent says “clean” and then kids find hiding place to ignore work in. I want to avoid that situation.

The alternative in which I clean alone absent mindly is not all that bad, more relaxing and I do not have to check all the time whether they still work. I have kids helping me with chores, but I see it more of as “character development” then real help. It is getting better over time, but they are really not there yet.

While my kid is able to put things out of the dishwasher, the proper places are unreachable to them. Plus, they manipulate them quite ungently even when I am supervising procedure, so I would not want them to do it alone.

@Emily –

LOL!

OF COURSE this is a fictitious character. I’m not speaking about the character of the young actress herself. I’m speaking about the character of the daughter she portrays in the ad, and how it plays into the guilt and insecurity of our culture at large.

My primary concern is that the ad reinforces negative stereotypes of girls and encourages them to use their looks to get what they want. It would be the equivalent of having a young boy commit stereotypically boy behavior, such as fighting or breaking things as a ploy for parental attention.

It’s simply not a message that should spread uncritically and unchallenged through our culture.

“It’s simply not a message that should spread uncritically and unchallenged through our culture.”

Forget what I wrote in my last comment. That ^^^ is what I meant to say with all those words. 🙂

I realize that this commercial is meant to encourage questionable behaviours, like a child using her appearance to get her own way, and parents spoiling their child by spending all their free time with her, and allowing her to pick the babysitter, but ironically, I think the commercial’s only saving grace is that it’s so poorly done. It’s poorly written, poorly executed, and not remotely convincing in any way. So, people aren’t going to see this commercial and flock to Care.Com to hire a modern-day Mary Poppins; they’re going to see the commercial and think, “What a contrived piece of garbage. I hope it doesn’t ruin that poor little girl’s acting career, or get her teased at school.” Every so often, there’s a commercial that’s either so good, so BAD, that people remember the commercial, but not what it’s for. This is one of those commercials, and it falls squarely into the “bad” category.

Here is an idea. Let’s teach children that:
The world is flat
2 + 3 = 12
It rains only virgins are sacrificed
The best way to cure a cold is to cut your wrist and drain out some of the poisoned blood.

and

The world revolves around you. Mom and dad should cocoon you as much as possible from anything disappointing or hurtful. This includes boredom as well. They should keep you entertained. Therefore there is no need for you to learn how to cope with:
boredom
difficulties
anything disappointing

Although this will promote narcism, that itself is good. Narcism is on an increase (huge, colossal, tremendous) and it will mean that you will fit in.

@andy- I agree. Kids can say they’re bored and ask a parent to play with them. Mine ask for different types of attention as they get older. But back to the levels of attention that our kids are asking for:

“Before 1995, mothers spent an average of about 12 hours a week attending to the needs of their children. By 2007, that number had risen to 21.2 hours a week for college-educated women and 15.9 hours for those with less education.”

What has changed that the amount time spent *attending to the needs of children* has almost doubled for kids? More working moms? More mom guilt? I don’t have the answers, really. I work from home, and although I am home most days, I have chunks of time I need to devote to work and play times where I like to do things with my family. They realized at early ages that whining and attention-seeking behaviors did NOT get the results they were looking for and learned to play with each other instead. I guess it’s different if your an only child?

I don’t know what it was about these commercials, but they brought out flashbacks of the dreaded Caillou children’s show that I wish I could have blocked. That kid was the worst:

https://www.buzzfeed.com/craigsilverman/please-let-them-watch-something-else

“It’s a kid-driven decision based on pleasing the child, led by the child.”

No, it is a decision that considers the child – you know the only person who is going to have to spend time with this person you hire.

I’ve used Care.com a few times and there are generally more than 40 people that meet MY criteria (which consists solely of having a car and being available when I need at a price I am willing to pay). If my kid has her own babysitter desires, why shouldn’t I consider them when deciding which one of 40 equal to me people to hire? It sounds like the parent is the one with the Napolean complex in that case, not the kid.

“But back to the levels of attention that our kids are asking for:

‘Before 1995, mothers spent an average of about 12 hours a week attending to the needs of their children. By 2007, that number had risen to 21.2 hours a week for college-educated women and 15.9 hours for those with less education.'”

But that statistic says absolutely nothing about the levels of attention kids are asking for. It defines the level of attention they are getting.

I question how “attending to the needs of their children” was defined in the various surveys that led to the results. I spend very little time attending the NEEDS of my child, especially as separate from the needs of myself (ie even if I didn’t have a child, I would have to eat, clean, do laundry, etc so my child is only responsible for a portion of the time spent doing those things, not the whole). I spend a handful of hours each week attending to the WANTS of my child. (By this I mean doing things solely because my child wants to do them – taking her to extracurricular activities for example). However, the bulk of time I spend with my kid is not me attending to her anything. It is us engaging in activities together for our mutual enjoyment. I actually like spending time with my kid. I am not taking her kayaking this weekend to “play” with her or attend her needs or wants. I am taking her kayaking because I want to go kayaking and she wants to come with me.

“But that statistic says absolutely nothing about the levels of attention kids are asking for. It defines the level of attention they are getting.”

I still don’t understand the jump of almost 10 hours of child-centered attention (wants or needs) from one decade to the next. What has happened in a decade that children are getting so much more attention?
It can’t be explained for bigger family size and more children because families are getting smaller and smaller. Perhaps the smaller families and lack of siblings that’s causing the increase?
Working parent guilt? Focus on the single child?

As for picking a babysitter with an online service, I guess I’m a dinosaur. We’ve used sitters that my children knew and admired from their interactions in the neighborhood, usually older siblings of their friends and we knew the families well. That’s a 5-star reference for me. We reaped the benefits of hiring local by having run ins with these sitters at the pool, park, etc. where they loved playing with the kids even when they weren’t on the clock.
One of our favorite sitters for my son was a BOY. Do they have male sitters on Care.com?

“I still don’t understand the jump of almost 10 hours of child-centered attention (wants or needs) from one decade to the next.”

Again, it would need to go back to the defining of child-centered attention. Are they including things parents do WITH their children as opposed to those things done FOR their children?

If the answer is just things done FOR their children, I would guess it is that extracurriculars and playdates have expanded. Those things just take time and parents of multiple children could easily spend 10+ hours doing just that. My daughter takes riding lessons. Between driving and her lesson (staying is easier than driving to and from twice), that is 2 hours of my week dedicated to doing something solely for her that my parents never did for me. And during the couple months of track season, practice is just a matter of dropping off and picking up, but meets take all freaking day. If you have 4 kids engaged in 1 activity each, that can easily be 10 hours of your week right there. That said, it is also not attention that I am giving my child because my child is not engaging with me most of the time at all. I am just hanging out waiting.

However, parents also seem to enjoy spending time with their children more today than in previous generations. My mother and/or my mother and stepfather and I used to do things together all the time. We’d go sledding and ice skating together. We went out to eat, to the movies or to concerts regularly. We’d ditch school for the day to go to into NYC or Philly and later Atlanta to play. We’d go out of town for weekends, sometimes for her to work and sometimes just to play. When she worked for a college, she’d take me to work with her if they were doing something interesting (hence, I got to play with and bottle feed baby tigers when I was 8). But I was a definite anomaly among my friends. Most of my friends rarely did things or went places with their parents.

Today’s parents are far more like my parents than my friends parents. I think some is just more active lifestyles in general. Some is more expendable income with two working, professional parents (note that college-educated parents spend much more time engaging with their children). Some is more free time due to the necessities of living taking less time (abundance of prepared foods) and/or being farmed out (hiring housekeepers, lawn mowers, car washers). And smaller families. One kid is much easier to take places than four, both financially and logistically.

“We’ve used sitters that my children knew and admired from their interactions in the neighborhood, usually older siblings of their friends and we knew the families well.”

Nice work if you can get it, but I haven’t found it easy. We’ve tried hiring 14 or 15-year-olds from families we know to babysit, and we’ve generally discovered that most of them have been so over-parented themselves they’re not up to babysitting. E.g., the business side is too much for them – like the girl who was supposed to babysit my one-year-old for two hours one evening, then freaked out over the responsibility, and was told by her mother to call and let me know but found making that phone call too overwhelming, so I only found out she was cancelling after the fact. We’ve also found that it often turns out the babysitter’s parents aren’t actually comfortable with her being responsible for herself – like the mom who was shocked that I suggested her 13-year-old take my toddler for a walk around the block in the middle of the afternoon – the mom had rather aggressively promoted her daughter to us as a babysitter, but then it turned out she wasn’t comfortable with her being on a suburban sidewalk unsupervised herself.

On the other hand, the high-schoolers 16 and over tend to be busy with extra-curriculars and such (plus they’re leaving home in a year or two and hence not that interested in building up a baby-setting clientele). We’ve had our best luck with teens from large home-schooling families, by the way – not so much overscheduling and more experience of responsibility.

Another thing is that kids’ parents seem to give them more money these days, so they’re not as interested in employment as in my day.

So I could see a service like that filling a certain need.

@Papilio-

That was what I was thinking, too.The role of siblings…mine oldest helped me tremendously with wants and needs. He helped get jackets on or fed his siblings and entertained the heck out of them. The biggest belly laugh from the baby was because of her sister. They entertained each other and played together all the time. Most of these ads for Care.com (I know, I know, it’s only a commercial and why are we over analyzing an advertisement?) are for only children.

“However, parents also seem to enjoy spending time with their children more today than in previous generations.”

Really?! How so?
This generation of parents are on more anti-anxiety and antidepressants than any previous parenting generation. Personally, my parents enjoyed great times with their children, but coming from a large family, we also enjoyed spending time with our siblings, friends, and extended families. There was always someone around (or a pet, we had lots of those as well). The adults had interests and hobbies and friends of their own apart from their roles as parents.

I enjoy spending time with my kids, but I also enjoy my husband, my friends, and family. I can’t say my parents (or even their parents) didn’t enjoy their kids too, they were also loving parents and actively involved in our lives. Every study has shown that it’s quality time over quantity when it comes to kids and I don’t think our generation, with the nonstop distractions of smart phones, etc. is any better than previous generations at *enjoying* their children more.

Pap

My first thought was that’s what dogs are for.

“This generation of parents are on more anti-anxiety and antidepressants”

When did the Stones record “Mother’s Little Helper”?

@MarkM I had my 2-5 years old engaged in baking and cooking and cleaning. A lot. They were willing, active and happy and doing their best most of time.

That is how I know it is faster without them. Not just faster, but relaxing cause you can loose you mind and think about whatever instead of answering or giving instructions or praising etc.

I liked that as common activity, but the fact is it was all faster without them.

When I complained they stopped cleaning, it was not because they were unwilling or lazy. It was because their attention span run out before it was done and they needed reminder. And then again. And so on.

“This generation of parents are on more anti-anxiety and antidepressants than any previous parenting generation.”

To add to what others said, suicide attempts rates and actual suicides for middle and upper class women went down since fifties and sixteen. So did depression rates, actually.

Which, in my opinion, has little to do with kids and a lot to do with more equality, higher social status of women and female ability to have career/compete and more control of her life.

My house is super clean because I clean to avoid playing with my kids. I mean, I had 3 of them in 4 years – I’ve already provided playmates! I’ll gladly pop in to secure an edge of a fort or that sort of thing. Day in and day out tho, my kids are expected to occupy themselves being kids. I’m not a kid. Some facilitation, a lego creation, or dressing the dolls makes us all sufficiently happy. And then I’m back to cooking healthy food from scratch. 3 meals and 2 snacks…I can hardly get away to wash cloth diapers and hang them on the line.

My kids don’t need my constant attention or a new toy. I need a new foam rug in the kitchen.

“I know my daughter would prefer that I drop everything and play dolls — “like real moms” (apparently there are a lot of mom’s entertaining their kids in our town).”

Or kids just make stuff up to try to get you to do what they want. My kid will pull the “everyone else is doing it” or “all the other moms do it” bit every once in awhile. Except I know all the other moms that she knows (which is the one positive about having had to arrange playdates rather than her just meeting up with kids in the neighborhood whose parents I end up barely knowing) and I know that nobody else is doing it either.

That said, I have friends who love playing dolls or trucks with their kids. That was mind-numbingly boring to me as a child so no way I was doing it as an adult. Not a problem since my kid only wanted to put her dolls to sleep anyway. My floor was constantly covered with dozens of them lying face down with some article of my child’s clothing (usually a shirt) covering them. My living room looked like some weird doll morgue for a few years.

vvvvv