Daycare Says They Will Report Me for Getting My Kid to School on My Bike

A helmet is a good idea, but is there any real reason why it’s not safe for her to sit behind you on the bike? I don’t really cycle, but it’s not like we’re talking about a motorcycle here. So someone tell me, is it actually unsafe?

So she’s three and the mother is sharing a what I’d guess to be a small typical bicycle seat on the bike with her and riding through town? I don’t know about this one. It does seem a bit extreme on the unsafe side. A helmet would make it better, for sure, because since she’s so little if she decided to let go (from getting distracted, a bee flying in her face, hitting an unexpected bump, etc.) – what 3 year old do you know that is always 100% predictable – it would protect her head at least if she fell off. But since she has a bike trailer, why not just use it? It may be a bit extra work, but in this case, it sounds like the more reasonable choice. I even tried doing a quick search on bicyclists in other countries (specifically the ones she mentioned) transporting kids on bikes, and while this may be the norm, I couldn’t find any pictures of young preschoolers riding like she describes. They were all in separate seats behind the parent or even in a separate seat in front of the parent. I found a couple of older kids riding this way, but not preschoolers. Doesn’t mean they don’t – just that I couldn’t find any. So I don’t think this is simply a matter of different parenting choices/cultural norms. It does sound unsafe, in my opinion.

This seems really unsafe to me as well. What would be a good alternative for the school other than threatening a report? It strikes me as not a fair response, but I do think the school has the right to speak up. The truth is, by threatening the report, the mom is going to come up with a safer plan.

I’m also really put off by her jab at other parents who do things differently (use screens, drive cars, etc). But I get she’s ranting.

I feel like I’m echoing most everyone here but……that doesn’t exactly sound safe. First of all: helmet. Get one, even if she’s just riding in the pull-behind trailer. Second: I can barely fit on those regular bicycle seats when I’m by myself so I have no idea how you can fit an adult and a child on one.

While I agree with mom that it doesn’t warrant a call to CPS, I think mom needs a reality check on bike safety.

Well I am a European in a very bicycle friendly town and just putting your child on a bicycle without a helmet and with no child-seat would be frowned upon here as well. I doubt the school would call social services directly but I think that they might do exactly the same as they did to you. For young children a bike seat could be a very good alternative especially if you mostly go on short rides. It will be a little bothersome when you ride on your own but one usually gets used to it quickly. We used one until our daughter was 3 and now we have a trailer. It is much more comfortable for the child and I can ride the bike without a seat catching wind but the trailer is much harder to attach and takes up a lot of room compared to a seat but the seat we have is too small for our daughter and buying a bigger one (at least in our country there are ones that go to about 5-6 years of age) was a less appealing alternative as a trolley can be used for transporting groceries and so on and be used long after our daughter has outgrown it.

Here helmets are obligatory for all under 15 if they are on the bike riding it or in a seat but helmets are actually not mandatory in a trolley as that legally turns the bike into a tricycle which are not included in the law. Still most if not all parents put helmets on their children in a trolley too as do we. I use a bike helmet myself as there are nasty bike accidents every year in our town either single accidents where someone rides into something or accidents involving several bikes. In all these cases helmets help a lot to avoid serious headinjuries. In collisions with bike and car however helmets are less effective and while they may help, in a direct hit from a car at high speed they sadly are not enough sometimes but the chances are still better than with no helmet.

I really feel the anger from this mum and I’d feel the same. It seems to come down to the fact she’s been threatened rather than someone having a friendly chat with her about safety.

Why shouldn’t she use a more convenient method of getting her daughter to school once in a while? She obviously thinks the child is capable of holding on and is also taking the journey slowly. Maybe a helmet while on the back would help but it’s up to this mum to weigh things up.

I have over a mile to walk/cycle to school and a few months ago there was no bike shelter at school so I’d walk with my bike while kids walked so i could get home quicker. My daughter had some speech therapy appointments and to get there on time she sat on my pannier rack and held on while I cycled. I used pavements instead of roads and she loved it!

I just don’t see what’s wrong with these once in a while/solves a short term problem solutions.

Let people live their own lives.

I’m a cyclist, formerly from Europe and now in the US, with a 3yo of my own, and I have to agree with daycare on this one, especially as she didn’t have a helmet. Have you tried one of the separate child seats that bolt onto the bike, either in front or behind you? They’re ideal for the situation you describe and far safer for both riders (not to mention more comfortable) than trying to squish into the same seat.

Wow, I can’t imagine what kind of bike you have. You must be in great shape. My fat rear wouldn’t even come close to allowing someone else in the seat. I’d be scared to death that I’d hit a bump and accidently push her into the tire.

Of course, when I was little I’d ride on my Dad’s handle bars, without a helmet. I’m not sure about at 3; but I remember doing it in kg.

David

I cant look at these comments anymore, crap happens people. She rode her kid to school on a bike, slowly, because the device was to damn hard to get too (shame for mom to be sick, right) If it was that unsafe would she have done it? Doubtful. Obviously since this bike ride style has a name (hug bike ride) they have done it, had practice.

Alot, not all, of these commenters sound like free range fence riders.

How about we all attack the day cares for not practicing cleaning of toys properly? My daughter was at a kinder care when she was 2 & was sick all the time. I asked about there cleaning of toys, they said they were supposed to do it 3 times a day, but they only do it at the end of the day. Influenza kills. I’m sure much more than mom using her own judgment in a situation like this.

Ya, things could have happened. Just like In any life situation. Get over it people.

@autumn thanks! I agree with you too.

Is she doing something illegal? If not then butt out people!

Now my kids (aged 7 and 9) school has a bike shelter where they can lock their bikes so we cycle most days weather permitting. We cycle on pavements coz they’re not old enough for roads IMO and kids cycling on roads during rush hour doesn’t make sense until they can understand highway code properly. None of us wear helmets, it’s not the law and it’s my decision as a parent. Once they’re on the roads I’ll insist on a helmet until they can decide for themselves.

There seems to be a huge disconnect between the rules people choose to follow and judge others for or ignore. I know many people who ignore the laws in UK about children using the correct child restraints in the car but are perfectly happy to let them play 15 and 18 rated video games. It’s the same people who don’t let the kids walk round the corner to school by themselves or play at the park with friends but allow totally unsupervised Internet browsing and social media to primary aged children.

Luckily in Scotland we’re not quick to go calling social work dept. I’d only ever do that if I knew that a child was actually being abused. Otherwise I’d be calling in about most parents I know for allowing age inappropriate games and films and for causing damage to their development by not allowing them to walk to school or across roads and waiting till they are in the school building before leaving the playground.

I think a helmet is required by law these days for anyone under 12 (or whatever the rule is in your state). I have seen some really great seats that attach to parent’s bikes to hold one or two children. This seems like a great solution. I hate to see parents riding around with little ones in a bike trailer. As a motorist, they are so hard to see unless there is a flag attached or something. As a parent, I was always afraid to put my child in one.

I’m as free range as they come, but a three year old riding without a helmet AND without a child seat on the bike is just plain irresponsible. A sudden swerve to avoid a turning car or a blown tire and that kids head is meeting the curb. Either use the trailer (which also requires helmet use) or attach a child seat to the bike or find another way to get to school

People make threats to get what they want when they don’t have the power, right or patience to get it any legitimate way. They want to coerce you into changing your your own behavior because they can’t make you change it immediately.

A while back, I worked with some less than scrupulous surburban building code enforcers. Their boss, the building department director, would say, “So-and-so at such-and-such address is doing something I don’t like, and it is not technically a code violation, but go get them to stop it anyway”. It could be things like having too many cars parked at a house, or putting a kid’s playhouse in the front yard instead of the back…you get the idea. The code enforcers would go out to the house and tell the home owner. “You need to stop doing this, or else I will write you a ticket” never mind that the ticket wouldn’t be legit because no real code was violated, and it would be thrown out at the administrative hearing if the homeowner appealed it. It was the threat that mattered, not the code. The threat of a ticket was enough to get most people to comply with the whims of the building department director. If they really wanted to ticket you, you would just get a ticket on your front door–not a threat. Not my most favorite job, glad I left.

Not all theats are such bold attempts to manipulate, but many are. If you tilt your head and squint a bit, these kinds of threats can be empowering in a weird way. It means they don’t have any real, legitimate power to force you to change your ways, and what ever you are doing has an impact that can’t be ignored.

That_Susan, I agree a stranger has no standing to make a comment but I think the school is in a different position.

A parent riding their child on a bike, without a helmet or child seat, is not CPS worthy. Shame on that daycare for using the threat weather it was a real or empty one.

Using a child seat and helmet would have added some safety to the ride but the degree of safety and it’s worthiness is up to the parent to judge. It does not suddenly make it abuse or neglect simply because you would do it differently. Had the daycare actually been concerned rather than judgmental, there are a dozen different ways they could have approached her about it or even offered helpful solutions. they might have had an actual conversation with her about it, found out why she was doing it. Maybe they could have brainstormed and problem solved some alternatives or solutions with her. Heck they could have simply said they were considered that it might be a bit to dangerous to keep doing it that way and had she considered getting the child a helmet or maybe a seat for the bike and left it at that.

When I was an older kid/teen, there were no helmets, child seats had a lap belt or nothing at all and multiple riders were common place. I realize it was many moons ago but it was seen as reasonable, safe and practical to do things very differently than how they are done today. Sure there are some legitimate concerns and reasons for doing it differently in many areas today. There is also an explosion of over protectiveness and unreasonable “safety” features and must do’s that are anything but practical and are often unreasonable given the situation. This often leads to or is lead by a judging that doing it differently is somehow wrong or unsafe rather than just different than you would chose.

I often transported younger cousins and friends on my handlebars. By younger I mean 2 and 3 years old! I was not alone in this. Bigger kids hoped right on the back of the seat and held on or rode the bar in front of me. Sometimes we rode around with 3 to the bike. This is how we went to the store, park, school, everywhere. Nobody had a helmet, I don’t think any of us had ever heard about them. We did have safety classes in how to ride in the street, obey traffic laws and use hand signals available from age six by the local police. It was offered because it was normal and anticipated that we would be riding in the street with traffic at points. My aunt had no car and would often borrow my mothers, 1940’s era bike to take her 3 year old to or from daycare. There was a child seat on it, an old one. It looked more like a package carrier that you see for bikes today. It was small, about 12″ square on the seat and back. It had no seat belt or buckle and folded down flat when it wasn’t being used. Sometimes instead of flipping it open, he would just sit on top of it while it was flat and hang on. It would surely horrify people today. Nobody blinked at it then.

A three year old that uses matches to light candles, uses sharp knives to cut food, operates the washing machine or dishwasher, climbs tall playground equipment, plays outside alone, Have candy for breakfast, ride on skateboards or use skate ramps, ride a bike without a helmet, or even shower alone is also at a slight increased risk for ‘danger” or harm over one that doesn’t do these things, should we judge parents who allow these things, tell them they are doing it wrong, threaten to set the state on them? How about those that continue to push their 5 and 6 year old in strollers rather than have them walk or move a four year from a harness car seat to a booster car seat or put a television in a 2 year olds room. All of these things can and have been seen as forms of danger or neglect by some. They are not “involve the state agencies” activities any more than this mother choosing to ride her child double was. They are parental choices parents get to pick and choose. parents gt to decide what degree of increased possible risk and in what areas they want for what reasons they want.

Bike helmets are not required for children in the majority of states. In areas where they are they generally are not required for use in a bike trailer or on tricycles.

@Elizabeth. Your analogy of your kid playing on your roof and it being safe and ok because you know your kid is up there, wow….that’s exactly what I meant in the context of my post. (gonna help you on this, being sarcastic)
Hello extreme. Wow.

There are toddler seats precisely for this purpose. Basically just a seat and leg shields that go over the rear fender, where the book rack would be (if you’re old enough to remember bikes with fenders and book racks). Kid can still hug mom from behind; that’s the whole idea. A helmet is a good idea, because hitting the pavement headfirst in a crash is the only real risk here.

First off bicycle trailers are not as safe as having the child on the bike with you because with the trailer trailing behind you it could get clipped by a car while you are taking evasive action in an emergency or tip over.
Second get a child seat attached to the front or back of the bike … problem solved.

Children’s bicycle helmets, one of the biggest feel good scams ever. That wasn’t my opinion. A few weeks ago I was going to lunch with a friend who is an Orthopedic Surgeon specializing in injuries to the back and neck (he fixed me up pretty good). We saw several children riding their bikes in an unused section of a parking lot. One of the kids fell and I saw my friend visibly wince. The kid got back up and was fine. When we were eating I asked why he winced when the kid fell? This is when he made the scam statement regarding helmets. In his opinion the number of head injuries before the helmet laws were not worth doing anything about, while the number of NECK injuries since the laws went into effect is a concern. Most falls from a bicycle involve a side impact to the head, while children’s bicycle helmets only protect the top of the head. In the few where the top of the head is involved the helmet transfers the forces to the neck.

If I was this mother, I’d check if there are ANY laws concerning her child riding with her, make sure that she is in compliance with those laws and tell the daycare to go to hell.

Also, bike helmets are not a “scam.” Check out the AAP’s (American Association of Pediatrics) statement on bike helmets. Proper fitting helmets can prevent 88% of serious brain injuries from bike collisions and falls.

CrazyCatLady hit nail on the head. It doesn’t matter what you or I think about what she is doong. The problem isn’t whether what she is doing is a good idea or not; the problem is that, instead of talking to her like a member of the community, the day care jumped right to threatening her. That’s the BS society we live in, where we are enemies of each other and can’t even communicate diplomatically with the people near whom we live and work.

Kerri – that statistic doesn’t address Jim’s comment. What is the effect of bike helmets on ALL injuries, including neck injuries? In his comment Jim said that his friend observed that the number of head injuries that bike helmets protect against were already small before bike helmets, so saying that bike helmets reduce an already low number by 88% doesn’t really refute his claim.

In response to the questions about how both mom and kid fit on the seat, have you guys never seen a banana seat? When I was a kid, we rode two to a seat all the time. I can easily see a slender mom and a small child both fitting on an adult-sized banana seat. And I have known LOTS of three year olds. Some of them are absolutely trustworthy to hold on, especially if they’ve had practice.

Secondly, to those who are “disappointed” in the comments on this. Most Free Range parents are in the habit of actually evaluating situations and thinking logically about the risks or relative safety. If you are expecting uncritical, knee-jerk agreement — in either direction! — you’re in the wrong place. Parents here have opinions and have thought them through. Yes, we tend toward grace when it comes to other parents making different decisions, but that doesn’t mean we won’t give our opinion.

Yeah – the daycare over-reacted. A friendly chat would have been enough to express their concerns. I do think the mom has a couple more options, like the toddler seat several people mentioned. It sounds like her kid may be big enough for a trail-a-bike, too. Ours saved our family in more than a few ways – my little one (who started using it around 3 years old), NEEDED to be outside on her way to school. The bus was too over-stimulating in many ways. She loved the activity, the fresh air, complaining about Mommy or Daddy’s butt in her face. It was all a good time. And we could stop right at the front door, let her hop off, and then we’d lock the trail-a-bike up for the end of the day commute.

We have one for sale – what are the chances she’s close enough to get a good deal on ours?… 🙂

Good for her! Kids and parents should be able and allowed to bike to school. Kids that bike or walk to school are usually about a 1/2 year ahead by the end of gragde school,

However, depending on where she is, a child on a bike without a helmet and not in a proper seat probably is illegal and not as safe as it could be.

If the trailer is too much of a hassle, she should look into a cargo bike.

I would go down the route of getting a pannier rack mounted bike seat, easily avalable in a size that will take a 3yo and a decent skid lid for her (even in countries in Europe where most adults don’t bother with helmets the kids often do wear them) and as somone who has gone over the handlebars myself and practicality split a helmet open I alway wear one

My mom had a bike with a rack & twin baskets on the back, and my sister and I rode all over town on the back of it … but when I was riding my 3-year-old to school, I bought a child seat for the back of my bike, and made sure she wore her helmet. At drop off, her helmet went in her seat until pick up time. She was safe, and learned very young how to lean in curves and all the other non-pedaling balance things involved in bicycling. By the time she was 4 she was riding her own bike with no training wheels!

So yeah … buy a seat. I bought mine used from a friend, and sold it on Craigslist afterwards, so paid maybe $20 for it net.

I’m with this mom. Hope she stick to her guns. (Whoops! That’s not PC, is it?)
When I think of a child riding behind an adult on a bike, a picture from the Peanuts comic strip comes to mind.

Well, since it’s required by law that children wear a helmet AND childcare workers are required by law to report when a child has been abused or is endangered, they really didn’t have a choice. She is lucky they gave warning.

If something had occured, and they hadn’t taken action they could be held criminally negligent.

She isn’t just endangering her child. She put the daycare at risk.

When I was a kid, I remember seeing people riding their bikes with babies sitting in seats on the back. Isn’t this done anymore?

I guess I am a free ranger on the fence because if I was riding my kid down a street, I want him to wear a helmet.
The most interesting thing about comments on this website is how people will attack each other if you’re not a full on free range person. I kind of don’t get it. I may not do everything you do, you won’t do everything I do and the point is some of us don’t agree with this mother and some of us do and that’s the beauty of discussion. i do think the daycare could have handled differently since threats are not the right way to approach most situations. What I dislike here is the impression that yhose who don’t side with mom are equivalent to government workers and that is a bit much.

“She LOVES riding right behind me, hugging me as we ride slowly along. We call it the ‘Hug Bike Ride’ and we both love it.”

Can you press your cheek into your mom’s waist when you’re wearing a helmet? Nope.

Can you have any kind of conversation with a kid who is in a trailer behind the bike? Nope.

I define “integrity” as an integration of values. You don’t want to sacrifice one for another. I can tell this mom values ease, efficiency, and connection. And fun! And in my view, she also values safety, and is enforcing certain behaviours on the ride with her daughter to ensure that.

So I don’t see anything out of integrity.

However, I am longing for integrity in the daycare’s response. If they care about safety and wellbeing, express it that way: “I care about safety and wellbeing, and when I see your daughter riding with you that way, I feel so nervous. I guess I could just look away, as it is up to you to make your own choices, yet I want to be transparent and tell you what’s going on for me, so I can have some integrity here. How does that land with you?”

No threats. Respect the autonomy of parents.

I’ve had a hard time overhearing parents berate their children. Children of all ages. I dared myself to speak up, step in, reflect what I’m seeing and hearing, in the hopes of contributing, but I default to, “Well, it’s their family, their choice.”

But I realize my cowardice. I am afraid to be transparent and open about how other people’s behaviour affects me, and speaking openly about what I value. Not to judge people, but to share with them that they are having an impact on the community, not just their own kid.

But I quail in the face of those kinds of confrontations, so I let the kid have their experience.

In this case, I might say something to mom, if what they were doing got my adrenaline flowing, but then again, maybe not. I could give the gift of not my opinion, but my response to their choices, and simply be heard… but it’s hard for anyone to hear even me talking about my experience without thinking it’s a judgement of them, so I keep quiet.

This mom is making a choice. Her child is complying willingly with the protocol. So far, no injuries. And if there were an injury, would punishing Mom do anything to help the injured child? Don’t you imagine Mom would change her protocol after that anyway?

But if the protocol is working for Mom and kid but it’s bothering you, you have two options: Look away and respect their autonomy, or approach with care and respect and speak the truth of your heart without judgement, threats or blame.

Try it sometime.

These comments are driving me crazy! The point is not to judge others for how they raise their children even if it’s something you deem unsafe! I’ve seen people yell at their kids at the park or not use a car seat or something like this woman did and while I’m not one to do that with my kid, it’s none of my business and I’m not going to call CPS! People need to bud out of other people’s business! Seriously!

I feel like a lot of you are missing the point. It isn’t a question of whether or not this mom was actually riding safely or not. That is utterly beside the point and completely irrelevant. The issue is whether it constitutes abuse on a level that would require CPS intervention. It is absolutely absurd to insinuate that riding a bicycle with a child, however unsafely, should warrant a CPS investigation. I don’t care what the degree of relative safety, there is zero circumstance where bicycle riding with your child should be investigated. It’s complete and utter nonsense.

“Well, since it’s required by law that children wear a helmet AND childcare workers are required by law to report when a child has been abused or is endangered, they really didn’t have a choice.”

How was this child abused or endangered??
Should they also report EVERY parent they observe talking or texting on cellphones while driving? Distracted driving kills more children than biking accidents.
What about parents that smoke around their kids? How about those who feed their kids fast food and junk food? Diabetes and obesity are KILLERS!

Judgement is a slippery slope. Sometimes a bike ride is just a bike ride, not a death march.

I am right there with biking mom. Though no one has threatened me with a call to the authorities. I bike with my kids to their elementary school and if, for some reason, I don’t, they walk. BY THEMSELVES. I may pick them up with my bike. The older one (8.5) will walk and I will ride the younger one (5) on my bike’s book rack. He is thrilled (as this mom said) to ride behind me and hold on to my waist.
I have two older sons who are very independent and I think much of that is that they get themselves around walking and biking.
We really should let go of the idea that kids are in constant danger. But will we?

I think this is the video you’re all looking for: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfLJ876lXsQ
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34FyWCutqvw&feature=player_detailpage#t=80 < music video, also featuring babies on bikes)
This, to me, is normal urban traffic. It also explains why I'm the last person to whine about a missing helmet.

When I first saw this comment, I assumed the kid would be sitting on the luggage rack (hence my comment about getting panniers to keep the girl's feet away from the spokes). Now that I see people talk about bikes with long seats that can be shared (or not…) by two people, I'm very curious to see a picture of just what kind of bike we're talking about here… It IS still a pedal bike, right??

Parents over here do put their young children in some sort of seat, so no seat would be abnormal. But: this mom knows her child and whether she'll do stupid stuff or not, and this mom knows where she rides and how fastand what the traffic is like etc, so ultimately I feel it's up to her. (Do the people of the daycare even cycle themselves? Can you really judge the kind of risk involved when you haven't ridden a bike in decades (/ ever) and just read media stories about biking = brain damage and kids = disaster waiting to happen?)

@Jim Collins: I must admit I always cringe when I see pictures of really young children (young toddlers and even babies) wearing helmets: what is the extra weight going to do to their little necks in case of any sudden movement, even when there is no actual impact? (Plus the helmet increases the chance of a hit in the first place…)

@susan: Are you sure it was hand-made? In this cycling culture there is a lot on the second-hand market for low prices, plus I've seen before how Americans tend to think a lot of what they see is after-market (lights, racks, mudguards, coat guards, O-lock…), so I hope you'll forgive me for being slightly sceptical 🙂

@Elin: "very bicycle friendly town" On a scale from the USA to The Netherlands, how friendly is that? Friendlier than the Swedish average?

“To repeat, risk-taking alone is not child abuse. CPS is for child abuse and nothing else.”
No, it’s for abuse and neglect.

Risky behavior may or may not fall under the category of “neglect”. (Depends on the risk… how serious are the consequences? How likely?… but also, is the risk accurately assessed? Are there meaningful alternatives?)

“Everyone knows what’s best for everyone else, and they’ll pull up government stats or whatever to do it. Guess what? It’s NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. Not just the daycare’s — YOURS.”

Does the same rule apply to complaints of “helicopter parenting”? Just curious.

“Is she beating the child? No. Is she depriving the child of food? No. Is she leaving a 3-year-old at home alone for 8 hours a day? No. THEN SHUT THE HELL UP. She is not abusing or neglecting the child.”

You supplied answers to your own questions, but your answers are different from mine.
Is she beating the child? I don’t know.
Is she depriving the child of food? I don’t know.
Is she leaving a 3-year-old at home alone for 8 hours a day? I don’t know.

This changes the conclusion from “”She is not abusing or neglecting the child” to “She is not abusing or neglecting the child, as far as I know.” In the meantime, she’s free to have an opinion about whether her choices are appropriate or not, and I am, too, whether they agree or not. And you remain free to agree with either one of us, both of us, or neither of us. Ain’t America great?

Andrea- my comments were based on real statistics from large studies approved by the AAP were they examined over half a million bike accidents in a one year period. Also, “properly fitted” bike helmets do protect more than just top of the head impact. Finally, I’m not going to put my kid’s safety on the line based on anecdotes from from one person’s doctor friend. If you want to believe in a conspiracy theory scam over bike helmets…, whatever.

First of all, it’s against the law to not have a helmet on a child, depending where she lives. We are in California, it’s the LAW!
She should be reported to CPS. What kind of MORON thinks a 3 year old “hugging her at the waist” can cling precariously to momma riding a bicycle? For more than 30 seconds, were you born last night or what?
I can’t even begin on how idiotic this woman is.
So, wait, she HAS a proper trailer and a helmet for the child, but is too LAZY to put them on her?

Yes, I would report her immediately to the authorities.

Why is the daycare getting involved? Do they have some kind of liability here that I am unaware of?

The only way this madness is going to stop is if people start fighting back. Give us the names of the people who constantly call CPS or criticize your parenting. Or those who continue to sue school districts when their children get hurt. Now that we have social media, we need to use it to shame these people. Maybe we need to turn the clock back to the 40s and 50s were trouble makers were sent out of town on the rails.

Michelle, funny, to me it seems that the separate seat is way less important than a helmet.

This reminds me of an argument about whether it’s safe to babywearing while riding a bike. Some felt it absolutely was not, because if you fell, you might fall on the baby and crush him.

It seemed to me that, if you fell while wearing the baby, you might be able to catch yourself, or at least control the fall to protect the baby. But if you fell with the baby strapped into a bike seat, what are the chances of catching youryourself and catching the bike? If the bike goes down, baby goes down.

Surely a child is safer attached to mom than strapped to a bike that is incapable of acting to protect him.

But of course the horrible, dangerous ways I see some parents drive with their kids in the backseat of a car – well THAT’S okay. If the kid is required to wear a helmet by law I’d say, put one on the kid, but keep biking whatever way you want.

Many people on here are overrlooking the fact that certain people, like Day Care Centers, are Mandatory Reporters. This mom needs to appreciate the fact that they warned her first because they should have, by law, called CPS w/out telling her anything. The law is the law. If there is a law requiring the wearing of a helmet, or a certain age before a child can be on a bicycle w/an adult w/out being secured, then that is the law. One commenter stated something to the effect of, “seeing children in the back seats of cars not secured..is okay…” No, it’s not. However, the driver has to be caught. Many people, including parents, break the law w/their children and get away w/it. It doesn’t make it right. Then, when someone does get caught, they cry, “unfair!” Why? They chose to ignore the law. This isn’t always about parental choice. Apply some logic, and remove most of the emotion and then judge the situation.

Some of these comments are sad. Clearly, the mother had done this before, so she knew both the benefits and risks, as well as what her daughter was capable of handling. This article takes me back to when i was small enough for a child seat. I remember having fun, but also holding on to the sides of the seat because i felt unsafe in spite of the seatbelt. Im siding with the mom. Ive always rode without a helmet. Heck, i crashed into a tree at full speed going down a hill. I agree with those that say trailers, separate seats, and helmets dont make it any safer. The trailer could tip, or detatch, or get hit by a car. A faulty child sear could detatch from the bike, or a faulty restraint on one such seat could break if the rider hits a bump or has to swerve unexpectedly. And the separate seat idea seems desirable in theory- where nothing goes wrong ever- but if the bike crashes, the kid goes down with the bike. So, say the person is going down a hill and the brakes fail or even break. If they hit oncoming traffic or fall into a deep body of water, the kid in the child seat or trailer is as good as dead unless the parent is somehow in a position to minimally increase the chance of survival. Sorry about my rant. But i honestly dont see why what this mom did would be more dangerous than any other transportation option.

I’m having trouble picturing this. Is the child sitting somehow or is she just hanging on to mom, kind of as if she was mom’s backpack? My only thought would be what if her arms get fatigued?

sorry, should be loose or worn incorrectly…the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet

Confession: I have let my kids ride their bikes without helmets.

We borrowed a relative’s beach house this summer and my kids had invited friends to stay with us. My daughter’s best friend was so excited to go (her dad is very sick with cancer) because it would be her only vacation that summer with all that was going on in her family. Sadly, the day we were supposed to leave for the beach, this 11 yo girl found out she had a tumor in her lung and needed to undergo treatment right away.

She still wanted to go. Honestly, she needed the beach and to be a kid. Her doctors gave her the clear and the dad dropped her off on our second day there. We did everything- canoe (with life jackets), paddleboard, swim and jump off the docks, fish and crab. We went to borrow the beach cruisers to bike up to the beach but I noticed there were no bike helmets. So we discussed safe bike riding and biked without. We biked to get boardwalk pizza from the beach and up and down the boards, shopping. The biking just added to an awesome trip that this kid so needed. Her dad came for a day to hang out by the water and drove her home for her treatment. They did surgery and removed the mass and found it was benign. Her mom said she woke from surgery talking about her beach trip and how much fun she had.

I can’t imagine what kind of trip this would be if we had someone like a “Mother who cares” doing this to me:

“Yes, I would report her immediately to the authorities.”

I beg your pardon, calling the authorities is not something that ANYONE who cares would ever do! If you actually cared, and weren’t just being a sanctimommy, you would have a conversation with someone to show concern. Reporting someone makes you an asshole. The opposite of someone who cares.

This has been beaten to death. Donna reflects my thoughts on it.

I do think the original poster is mixing a few things up. Safety (mode/method of transport) and exercise/stimulation (parenting decisions re: screens) are actually 2 different things.

If she’s going to use LOTS of capital LETTERS when discussing other people’s choices, then she’s not exactly embracing the mentality that I think FR is about either. Allowing other people the right to make parenting decisions without judgement. I’m not sure why someone allowing their kids to use a screen makes anyone SEETH.

I totally support her discussing the CPS threat with the day care. Do they have a legal responsibility or do they just think this falls into it? Can the daycare communicate with parents without the thread of CPS? Perhaps that’s something to reflect on with them once the current situation is behind them.

Would people feel the same about a daycare being concerned about a parent not strapping the child into a car restraint system?

Get a helmet and a kids seat. Head injury is the one injury we won’t take risks with for our daughter. There are a wide range of price points for front and rear mount kids seats. I can also highly recommend a trail-a-bike.

I ride a long tail cargo bike with a yepp kids seat and it is much more convenient than the pull-behind trailer. The kid needs a helmet.

I have been a bike commuter for 20 years and my 3.5 year old daughter has gone to daycare by car less than a dozen times in 3 years. I am also a pro/elite mountain bike and cyclocross racer. I met my husband bicycling and he also races. We ride bikes. We are a cycling family. The kid needs a helmet.

lollipop,

I hear what you are saying about sports protective gear. Awhile back my youngest daughter’s ball league changed the rules. They wanted all players to have a face cage on their batting helmet. My daughter was 11 at the time. She hated it. It was uncomfortable and impeded her vision. So some other parents and I went to the league and requested that it become a personal option, and not mandatory. They denied. The second meeting was met with more parents, and one long ass speech by me, and based on the fact that the cage impairing the batter’s vision, which in turn caused more kids to not react soon enough to avoid being hit by a pitch. With their vision impaired, their reaction time for deciding on whether to swing at the pitch was also affected. The league caved and made it personal option.
I had one mother, who was rather snooty say to me, “So you want your child to get hurt?” My response was simple and to the point, “No, but I do want her to learn to duck and avoid being hit.”.

@Warren-
I forgot about the baseball/softball helmets! I have 3 of those too. The girls are required to have the face cage while the boys do not. It wasn’t a problem for my daughters with the vision as they are both catchers and used to it. I don’t know if it’s the faster wild pitch or the eye obstruction but I witnessed many more of the girls hit by pitches than the boys did.
I played women’s lacrosse this spring after not playing in over a decade. I was required to wear protective eye gear and honestly, i couldn’t see for the life of me and did terrible. We weren’t required to wear these back when I played and I don’t know of anyone who had an eye injury. It’s a great sport but with the gear required, it’s dangerous for us older folks who can’t see through these cages.

lollipop,

That reminds me. Our oldtimers hockey league madated cages on our helmets, and they wouldn’t listen to anyone. All of us grew up playing with just a regular helmet. They wouldn’t even let us use the clear visors. Two years later they were having the annual general meeting.They were concerned with the recent rise in collision injuries, even more so since it is a non-contact league. A few of us spoke up that it was the cages. With the built in chin guard and the cage itself, you could no longer just look down with your eyes, you actually had to tilt and bend forward to see the area around your feet. Once my buddy brought it up, it cascaded threw the ranks, with the ah ha moment, because everyone had been doing it but not made the connection.

That is the thing with personal protective gear. Most of the time it isn’t a simple addition of a protective layer, as a lot of, including helmets, detract from the human factor. Either by impairing the field of vision, restricting movement, or the ever dangerous false sense of security. The false sense of security is more dangerous than ever, as those with all the protective gear on tend to take more risks, that they normally wouldn’t, and others believe you to be more protected and will hit harder, less concern about raising their hockey stick, throw pitches closer to the batter and so on.

Autonomy. I respect parents’ autonomy. That doesn’t mean I won’t ever express to them what I value and how their behaviour effects ME, but I wouldn’t be doing that in the spirit of insisting they adhere to what I think is the best strategy… the strategy is their choice.

I was in a situation where I was part of a community that was vetting people to join. A young family hung out with our group for a while, and there were some very awkward incidents with their little kids, who were both toddlers. The parents seemed to allow the kids to jump on others’ furniture, pull up plants in their gardens, run toward the street without interference (other nearby adults reflexively grabbed the kids before they got to the road).

They allowed their very young kids to climb on equipment at the playground they fell from (over three foot drop onto sand), and on a private property with a little pond, the parents allowed the 2-year-old to go to the pond alone and the kid fell in and was rescued by Dad, who had not brought any spare clothes, so host family lent some that were never returned.

All in all, our group got the impression that these parents were not just “Free Range” but abdicating responsibility and consideration. It was stressful for our group to be around them, as we couldn’t figure out when and whether to intervene. We had another family who never hovered over their kids the same ages, but allowed them to explore, always encouraging them to ask before touching others’ belongings, etc, and guiding the toddlers away from obvious hazards.

The first family seemed overwhelmed with their lot. They took their eyes off their toddlers when the rest of us were around in a way that invited the impression that they were fried and just wanted someone else to take over for a while, but they didn’t make direct requests about that.

I confronted them and tried my best to explain what we’d observed and why we had concerns about responsibility and how the parents’ choices were affecting the group as a whole. They chose to drop out of the group, saying, “We are clearly not perfect enough for you.” I felt crummy about it.

Never, and I mean never, did any of us consider calling the authorities. In fact, we figured these somewhat “wild” little boys would grow up just fine, but we weren’t too keen about being in close proximity to their growing up unless the parents were open to hearing about how their actions affected others.

Little one riding on mom’s bike? Not affecting me. Not in the slightest. I mean, maybe I feel a little nervous, but that is MY PROBLEM, NOT HERS. I can tell her I feel nervous, but I cannot demand she do something different. Calling CPS is a way of demanding she do something different by threatening her. I don’t believe that sustainable solutions can be struck through threats.

Seems like a lot of things going on here. First of all, there are people in all of our communities who believe that biking with kids is unsafe, period. I think it’s great that this mom and this thread overall seems to support biking with kids. Driving is much more likely to result in a crash/injury/death.

Second, as has been stated, most states have laws about youth wearing bike helmets, and observing those laws helps with the PR effort to combat the problem of people who don’t bike, thinking that people who do bike (with or without kids) are crazy. I feel like a lot of the “unsafe” I get from people in cars when I bike, is due to a lack of respect. So this is not a moral comment, but a practical strategy for increasing the legitimacy of people on bikes: observe the law, or at least don’t flagrantly violate it.

Third, I didn’t own a car until I had a second child, and we’ve fielded many questions from parents about whether to get a bike seat or a trailer. It never occurred to me to trust a three-year-old to just “hang on” – too much risk of the “Squirrel!” effect (ie, distracted child lets go) and it sounds quite uncomfortable (depending on your bike setup). We have a seat on a cargo bike, and now a railing too for our older daughter, and while it’s an expensive bike, it’s way cheaper than a car. Anyway, I’ll have to think more about that one. But biking with kids is pretty common in our city and I have never seen anyone just have their kid hang on.

Given all that, calling CPS seems out of line (although they could totally call the cops if your state has a law requiring youth to wear helmets). But if your day care is of the mindset that biking with kids is unsafe, period, I could see why they’d have that reaction. Which is a lot about bike fear as much as parental responsibility, and very sad for our kids and our planet.

Funny, everyone emphasize helmet, but I would see a dedicated seat as the thing that would do more difference in this scenario. Adults do not fall with bikes all that much and adults with kids on bike tend to go slow. A three years old just sitting on the back is more likely to fall just form loosing attention – and he is less likely to make head first spike jump helmet protects from. Helmet wont protect face and rest of body all that much

Sometimes I think peoples believe in helmets as they used to in god.

Btw, checkout those Papilio videos, they are cute. And I agree that a lot of (mostly Americans?) tend to see cycling as something disproportionately dangerous. It is as if they would instantly imagined a bike going by competition speed (40km/h) or downhill in the middle of forest. People who use bikes as transport often go slow – they do not even sweat that slow it is.

Every time (mostly Americans?) discuss bikes on internet, I gets to sound like some kind of extreme dangerous activity. When I was in Netherlands, I have seen an old lady in styled cloth on bike holding umbrella and calling from cell phone while slowly calmly biking in rain. It was way more mundane activity then it sounds to be in here.

@Bicycling Mama — this is a bit OT, but I appreciate your efforts (and viewpoint) in regard to cyclists and what careless ones do to the safe majority.

I have cyclists in my family who are really sticklers about their behavior, but then I’ve experienced cyclists on our local paved greenways that are a) going over the posted speed limit for bikes, 2) don’t alert walkers when they pass (even when we’ve got a dog on a leash — I’d think they’d do it for their own safety) and 3) refuse to move to single file when they encounter walkers.

As much as our greenways are lovely and we love to use them, we “hate the cyclists” and mostly avoid them if we’ve got our dog. And the kicker is, that we do it for THEIR safety. It’s the one place we encounter bikes in such close proximity and so we’re not sure how our dog is going to react if she’s startled.

Anyway — your viewpoint is valid. If someone wants to encourage/endorse using bikes as a safe alternative to cars, then it would make sense to model good, safe, standard, universally accepted bike safety.

They felt they needed to REPORT you for carrying a 3-year-old on your bike? I’m Dutch and I think that is the most ludicrous and absurd thing I’ve heard in a long time…. Almost ALL parents ride their bikes with kids here, often with TWO young children (the youngest in a handlebar seat and an older child in a seat attached to the back carrier. It’s almost the default state to transport younger children here (from age 5-6 they ride on their own bike, next to the parent) on the daily trips to school, the grocery store, sports clubs, park, playgrounds, etc.

This is absurd. I know the cycling culture and infrastructure of my country is much safer than that of the US, but I’m sure this particular parent was well aware what the risks were and thought it safe enough to transport a toddler on the back of the bike. As for the foot-in-spokes risk, over here parents attach little simple side-thingies (don’t know the translation, sorry) so the kid on the back carrier can place his/her feet on them instead of letting them dangle near the wheel. For kids age 4 or so and up, you can also attach a simple metal back-support so the child sitting on the rear can’t fall off backwards. Works fine here and hets thousands of children from and to school and all other places they might be driven in the US.

People may reasonably disagree about the risks they would or would not take on a bicycle. The real issue here is the threat of CPS. There are a million other ways for schools to provide feedback before resirting to law enforcement. In fact, the threat of CPS arguably brings a higher risk of harm than a ride on a bicycle without a helmet.

” If you judge that it is neglect and worthy of ruining someone’s life ”

Her life is ruined because she has to buy the kid a bike helmet?

This is awful with the way they changed CPS 4 tier system you will definitely have a file on you and your husband for life. The anxiety and depression that you and your family will go through in a CPS investigation is unbelievable. They will invade your home and you will have no freedom or rights. As a parent you are treated as guilty from the get go. Get a lawyer ASAP they will interview your children without any adult present to protect them. Your husband and you will be subjected to the most awful question sessions ever. Your child will probably have nightmares and anxiety from now on about Mommy going to jail, because CPS will bring the police into your life too. They will send questionnaires to schools and doctors trying to find dirt on you.
School personnel had to undergo more training in recent years in reporting to be more careful in reporting, because CPS is not protecting families or children but destroying them.
Do not write anything to the school and take your child out of that school immediately. Anything you say or do will be used against you from now on. You have no protection or rights against CPS. My heart breaks for you, because yes parents make mistakes, but we get no support from our community or country. All you hear is CPS do such a great job protecting children. They don’t they destroy families.The next 60 days will destroy everything that you had think about your country and your rights and freedom. I wish people will think before they act and call CPS.

I see more Dutch people and people who’ve been here chimed in 🙂

For people who first readily admit they never cycled with a helmet when they were young and then insist all cyclists should wear a helmet, I hope you realize that 1) there are vast differences between riding in the Tour de France on a lightweight roadbike or off-roading on a mountainbike or even cycling on heavy throughfares with a good chance of getting hit by a car versus slowly cycling on a utility bike on quiet streets with a reasonably maintained surface or actual bike tracks (assumed they’re decent), and 2) certainly for utility cycling there is still no conclusive evidence that bike helmets are effective, all things considered.

@Anon: thanks for the link, that is indeed how I initially pictured it (that bike is an Omafiets btw: a grannybike. An “Opa” would have a top bar.).

@Havva: Holiday story in my family (since I don’t remember it): when I was four, my parents went cycling in the dunes with Little Brother and me. LB in a kid seat attached to my mother’s handlebars, I sat on the rear rack (no idea about seat) of my father’s bike and indeed, wanted to see! So I leaned sideways and he cycled with one hand under my chin, only to feel I got heavier and heavier: I had fallen asleep 😀

@James Pollock

After reading your comments, it appears you like to support CPS as though they are a shining example of heroism. I am curious. Are you a CPS worker or desire to be one?

“In the meantime, she’s free to have an opinion about whether her choices are appropriate or not, and I am, too, whether they agree or not. And you remain free to agree with either one of us, both of us, or neither of us. Ain’t America great?”

No, James, we are not free to disagree with you or anyone else. As parents, we have the constant threat of losing our kids or being turned in if we don’t agree with people or people see our decisions as different or more dangerous/suspicious/negligent/etc than theirs.

Yes, CPS ruins lives more than they save. If you think that a worker just comes in for that one heresay complaint, you are quite mistaken. They then come in and judge EVERYTHING and like it or not, parents are not perfect. Depending on the social worker, that family can end up with intrusive measures to fix whatever they believe is ‘wrong’ (so no freedom of choice, but it is a threat you don’t comply and agree you lose your family). Or if the social worker deems a few dishes in the sink as neglect, a non-childproof lid on medication, no safety locks or whatever, then they can take a child for that. Really, it can depend on a day and the mood of the social worker whether the social worker likes you.

When you report someone you just turned over a families fate is in the hands of a system designed to treat parents as guilty until proven innocent. The person that made the call just pointed their finger…. It reminds me of the witch trials that no one could be proven innocent. You know where they tied a woman up, weighted her down and threw her into the water. If she floated she was witch, if she drowned she was normal. The outcome wasn’t designed for the accused or their loved ones.

I know for a fact of the horrendous things that take place in the system. I have a cousin that was adopted in his teens and foster care is not any better than most of the situations those kids come out of…. even the abusive ones. And I also have family that have done foster care and who know of the stories, most of them are not cases where you would think a child would be taken. So yes, personally, my family would say you are ridiculous that you would consider putting any family into the system over a helmet. The trauma from going through an investigation lasts for years for a family even if their kids are not taken. The real threat of losing a child vs the imagined ‘what if’ the child gets hurt is not worth it. Yes, ruining someones life is what it amounts too.

You know anyone can be concerned about someone’s safety, the real heroes offer real help and not punishment for disagreements on how to live life.

“After reading your comments, it appears you like to support CPS as though they are a shining example of heroism.”
Is English your second language?

“He will now take every paragraph, if not line, that you’ve written and meticulously tell you why you’re wrong.”
On the other hand, he doesn’t seem to care what you think, although he DOES think it’s funny that, if it bothers you so damn much, you keep reading.

Your personality analysis is about as good as the person who decided I’m gung-ho in favor of CPS based on my extensive writing of 0 posts in this thread that are even ABOUT CPS. I guess people see what they hope to see.

I feel like I’m echoing most everyone here

“Threatening someone with removal of their children over bike helmet is threatening that someone with ruining their and their children lives.”

OK. I’m now going to proceed to ruin your life.

If you don’t start paying attention to your kids instead of staring a screen, I’M GOING TO REPORT YOU TO CPS.

Boom. Ruined. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA.

@MOBK: “loved the dutch biking videos. We can only dream of such infrastructure here”

You’re welcome. For what it’s worth, I think most places can become a lot cycle-friendlier (there just is a lot of room to improve…). But it seems like the only people currently asking/campaigning for it are in (/perceived as) that specific, “weird” minority of *Cyclists* (insert all the prejudices here), and not mainstream parents and other people dreaming of such infrastructure – whether they currently cycle or not.

I think she should consider a tandem attachment for the bike, the trailer sounds like a PITA. If she’s riding a couple of blocks and can stay on sidewalk then I don’t see any problem with the way she’s riding with the kid – what is the real danger? The kid might fall off, but she said she is going slowly. A couple of people mentioned that 3 year olds are unpredictable but when it comes to letting go of mom on a moving bike, it’s not at all likely because they understand they will fall and they understand that will hurt. So if she is riding on sidewalk this should be basically as safe as anything can ever be but if she’s riding down the side of the road then they both need helmets and it’s probably a bad idea in general because we are back to cars being the danger.

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