Readers, it is true: Sometimes, a sigh escapes. One observes the forces arrayed against kids being kids and the road seems maybe unsloggable.
But then you get a letter like this!
Abigail Weidmer is a Montana mom who wrote this post about giving her kids – and her neighbors’ kids – unsupervised playtime. She admits it can be hard not to imagine worst-case scenarios. But here’s her hopeful message to Let Grow (the nonprofit that grew out of Free-Range Kids) for all of us in this still-new year.
Not Frozen with Fear
Dear Let Grow: I wanted to send you another update because Let Grow has had a profound impact on my life these last few months. Here are three:
Today, we got our first real snow in Billings, and our first since my kids got sleds. I sent them out in the backyard to play this morning, and they asked if friends could come over.
One of their friends from Play Club was available, so he came, and they played together. Later, I gave them permission to go sledding in the big field near our house.
This probably doesn’t sound like a big deal to you, but it felt like a big deal to me! For some reason, it felt like another big step to let them play outside on their own in the snow. In fact, I was nervous thinking about what could go wrong, so I bundled up and walked over there to give them a walkie-talkie for any “emergencies” that came up.
They were having a grand old time! If they had asked a few months ago, I probably would have said no, or I would have felt like I needed to go with them.
Not Frozen with Self-Doubt
My 7-year-old has taken a jazz/tap dance class since September, and I could tell she was indifferent about it. So, after she tried a virtual Girl Scouts class and got really excited about it, I gave her the option to quit dance and sign up for Girl Scouts instead. She said yes and is very excited about starting Scouts next month.
I have second-guessed this a lot. What if she was going to be a professional dancer? Now, she’ll never be able to say, “I’ve been dancing since I was 6.” What if she misses out on some great opportunity because she doesn’t finish this class? How dare I let her quit? What kind of parent am I? I should teach her to stick with things. etc. etc.
But, learning from Let Grow (and Peter Gray’s Free to Learn, which I recently finished) has helped me notice these thoughts without letting them control my parenting decisions. They seem pretty silly when I look at them objectively. Childhood does not need to be so serious.
Not Frozen with Inertia
The things I’m learning from Let Grow and Free to Learn have helped me in my career transition. Observing how my kids learn and find joy has helped me in my own learning and pursuit of joy. I learn better when I’m not afraid to try. It’s ok to try, learn, and try again. That IS the learning process! I don’t have to have everything figured out to start.
As I practice trusting my kids more, I learn to trust myself more, too. They can handle challenges, and so can I. It has taken me my whole life to start developing this kind of growth mindset!
Thanks for letting me share these updates with you. I hope you have a Happy New Year!
Abigail
1 Comment
Howdy, neighbor…. I’m about ten miles from Billings, in a little rural neighborhood. The kids from down the street ride their mini-motorbikes on my hill, and sled down my driveway, across the road and into the barrow pit — and they learn that THEY CAN DO IT. They learn to plan for the long walk back uphill after they’ve sledded down it, they learn not to turn their bikes too tight on my hill, and they learn not to damage other people’s stuff as they have fun and grow their physical competence.
These are all things I grew up doing, and it’s great to see kids doing them again.