“I Have to Sign a Permission Slip So My Middle Schooler Can Eat an Oreo”

Did the school ask permission to send this permission slip?

Oh dear Lord. Some poor tree had to give its life for this idiocy.

“without signed permission slip, my child understands that he/she will not be able to sample the OREO.”

Can we all say a silent prayer for the tree that died so someone could obtain legal consent for a cookie?
Was there a background check done on the OREO?

This is stupid on the face of it, but one wonders, if using Oreos is *that* fraught, why the teacher didn’t just pick a different experiment? Surely Oreos are not the be-all and end-all of ways to illustrate plate tectonics.

“Though I wonder. . how will they enforce the ‘will not be allowed to sample the oreo?’ What are the consequences? Detention? Suspension? ‘Ryan, Sarah and Lily. . .please deposit your cookies in the wastebasket. The rest of you may now enjoy your chocolaty (but likely unsanitary following the experiment) treat.'”

This always crosses my mind too when I see these permission slips. We seem to get more blanket requests for permission that come home early in the school year – along the lines of, “at various times we may use things like Skittles, marshmallows, etc. in lessons,” and you sign off to allow your kid to participate in (or eat) whatever comes up. I still think it’s rather silly, but at least it’s not a separate permission slip every time they want to do something. And my kids’ teachers routinely hand out candy to them. Fortunately they don’t seem to be deterred from acting like normal human beings.

And I completely agree that a middle schooler ought to be able to manage his own food allergy.

Would it be possible to do the same simulation, using an item that isn’t food? What about bristle blocks or something? Pick two of one colour, one of a different colour, and put the different-coloured one in the middle. Besides, I was taught in high school that we were never to taste anything in the science lab, because even if the item you’re tasting is food, you might have a poisonous chemical on your hands, and they wanted to teach us to follow safe lab procedures as a matter of course. So, yeah, the “permission slip to eat an Oreo” thing is stupid (although, they probably did it because they’ve had parents complain in the past that their adolescent child was given a treat at school without their consent, or that Dia-Betty, Celiac Celia, Anna Phylactic, or Lactose Intolerant Landon can’t have XYZ, and how could the school be so insensitive?) However, I don’t think it’s necessary to use Oreos to teach that lesson, especially if it’s going to be controversial enough to require a permission slip. When I was in school, permission slips and forms were for field trips, and for sex ed, and I think they added a waiver for P.E. in high school when my brother did it, because a boy in my year had broken his leg during wrestling when we were in grade nine, three years prior. That was pretty much it. The school couldn’t, and didn’t, send home permission forms for individual activities that were a part of day to day life–otherwise, they’d have had to ask permission to give us candy as prizes (in educational games, or for good behaviour), to allow us to play outside at recess, to give us scissors (and later, craft knives) during art class, and on and on, until they couldn’t teach us anything, because it was all too “dangerous.”

I can understand sending something home that says, “oh hey, I’m offering your children Oreos but they don’t have to eat them if they don’t want to,” especially if there are allergies involved….but to send an actual permission slip seems a bit over the top.

Oh come on now. This is a joke, isn’t it??

Hmm…and yet children are allowed pizza in the school cafeteria, and they presumably do not need a permission slip for each slice.

Isn’t the use of Oreos racially insensitive? It implies that people who are black on the outside and white on the inside are the ones who make the earth move. [This is sarcasm!]

Added I also would not be so happy about my son missing out on a lesson because they were handling something he cannot touch and he had to spend the class sitting in the office or the library. Because then he is not learning.

SOA,
It is because of people like you, mental midgets, that this stupidity takes place. This is middle school, and if by that age you kid cannot self regulate their allergy, then home school them.

And if your kid has to sit in the office to avoid Oreo cookies, then you best think back to the old John Travolta film, and put your kid in the bubble.

If you need this 504 plan that allows you to bring legal action in such cases, then guess what………..YOUR SPECIAL LITTLE SNOWFLAKE DOES NOT BELONG IN SCHOOL. He or she belongs at home in a controlled evniroment, where their allergy is not going to be a problem for the rest of the school. So sick and tired of these over entitled moms that believe their kid is more important than the hundreds of others in the school.

I understand that allergies are real. I get that they can be severe and even deadly. Does anyone have a life-threatening Oreo allergy? Seriously curious.

More generally, I see this slide in language from parents all the time. It’s something like “My kid has an allergies. Allergies can be deadly.” Ok, but can your kid’s allergies be deadly?

I had to sign a permission slip for my middle school daughter to watch “The Outsiders.” She hears worse language on her middle school bus and sees much more low cut outfits in the hallways.

Middle school is supposed to be a time to learn how to make your own decisions. How can these young people ever do if they are treated like babies.

I would not expect or need the teacher to send this to every parent. I would expect him to notify me ahead of time with a letter like this or a call or email and check with me to make sure its okay and if not, then work with me to find a safe alternative or to excuse my son from class and provide him with a different lesson. So he does not miss out on learning because by law he is entitled to a free and public education just like everyone else in spite of any disabilities. If you don’t like that, call your congressman but its the law right now and I am not going to ever be made to feel bad about enforcing it.

Unless my son works in food service industry, he will not be required to touch and handle food all the time so this does not really come up in the adult world. He can just stay out of the break room. My husband has successfully held down an adult job for 15 years now with his food allergy and it has never been a problem.

@SOA – wow, over 1 experiment that the child could observe anyway? Your child, without even knowing how the experiment works, would be incapable of learning? I mean, the cafeteria is filled with food other people provide for kids.

We are talking about middle school — as many have said, by that age they simply must be able to navigate their allergies.

Do you expect high school teachers to inform as well?

I would be SHOCKED that any middle school kid would have arrived at that stage of school life w/o being in the presence of gatherings/special events/lunch rooms where oreos were present.

“Either and allergy mom or one of those moms that are just against any sort of junk food.”

Uh oh, I’ve just been triggered. Get me a coloring book, please.

I just today heard a story about a mom who took mandarin oranges (real ones, not canned ones in sugar syrup or anything like that) to a homeschool gathering and most of the moms wouldn’t let their kids eat them, because there’s “too much sugar.”

Okay, I understand in a school setting being super-picky (if you are picky that way to begin with) about what your kids are given by others to eat, because they’re not under your direct supervision all day and if you didn’t watch out, the kids might get fed a lot of junk that you don’t want them to have over time

But in a homeschool group? Even in a weekly gathering (which is the most often any homeschooling group I’ve ever heard of has regular meetings), letting your kid eat something you don’t approve of, barring allergies or other real health issues, will not throw off their dietary intake entirely. It’s called a “treat.” But I think in this case, it wasn’t even their regular weekly meeting, it was some kind of occasional event. So these moms wouldn’t let their kids eat A PIECE OF FRUIT this ONE TIME because they were afraid it would ruin their health.

Sigh.

The legal minefield seems never ending BECAUSE it feeds on itself. We’re not only teaching children about tectonic plates but we also teach parents to be even more hyper vigilant. They seek out any possibility of the wrong thing (not having an Oreo permission slip) the same as an OCD sufferer will see germs even after they scrubbed their hands for 10 minutes!

Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there that seek out possible problems like an Easter egg hunt! They ENJOY the thrill of finding one!

I don’t mind stories like this because I also enjoy that it highlights just how insecure some people are.

Or, the teacher could have said, “Class, if anyone has any food allergies or other issues that prevent you from being around Oreos, can you see me after class for a minute?” It’s not like they were handing out guns or condoms. It’s a cookie, one that kids will eat out of their friends’ lunches after class, with or without a permission slip.

SOA – does your kid have any allergies which are life-threatening?

Lollipop lover-http://www.foodallergy.org/tools-and-resources/resources-for/child-care-facilities/ada

yes they are protected under the ADA and that is why you can get a 504 plan for them.

Bronte: if you are in one of those states where the students must do well on the state tests for you to get your raise I am guessing you would want to make sure my son learned the lesson because if he didn’t because he was excluded, then you are putting your raise at risk. Money is a pretty good motivation to include everyone. But hey, its your wallet.

I would be fine with my son handling this himself by the way. If he wants to go up to the teacher and say “Hey this is not going to work for me blah blah” and the teacher wants to work with my son and leave me out of the whole thing. I am fine with that. Good enough. I love not having to deal with stuff. But the problem around here is they treat middle schoolers like criminals. They never trust them. They never listen to them. So I could see my son saying “I can’t be in there while this is going on and you have to make sure to clean everything up or I could have an allergic reaction” and the teacher ignoring him and making him do it anyway because they just assume he is lying to get out of class. Then all hell would break loose when he either disobeys the teacher and leaves anyway and I have to come over there to raise heck because they will suspend him for cutting class. Or I get to come over there and raise hell because they forced him to be in the room and he had a reaction.

Obviously if teachers would listen to kids, this would work out better. I have way too many stories though that happened to me and people I know where either high school or middle school did not listen to the kids and it was bad. I had a friend almost die of an asthma attack once because the teacher would not let him go get his inhaler from the office. So sorry, I don’t trust the schools to handle this right all the time. You have to stay on topo f them.

SOA – So the allergy is only life threatening if ingested and is only even reactive if touched. There is absolutely no reason thay your child could not watch the experiment. There is no need to do anything different whatsoever. Your child could say “I can’t touch Oreos so I will just have to learn by watching everyone else” and then not eat the damn cookie. It doesn’t take an IEP or notes home or any drama. But you want the drama. You want the “look at me, my kid has an allergy so I am special.” And that is what all this boils down to. The allergy could be handled much easier but that wouldn’t get the parent the attention for having a “special” kid that they love.

So far I would rank my child’s teachers as very good to excellent.

My daughter’s school bans nothing, kids eat a daily snack in the classroom (some bring their own and some eat what the teacher brings), sometimes eat lunch in the classroom, bring treats on birthdays, occasionally have food incorporated into lessons (no permission slip), have gardens where the kids help plant, harvest and eat food and yet allergic kids are not dropping like flies. In fact, there has never been a notable allergic reaction to my knowledge. Allergy survival is not as difficult as some insist on making it.

SOA – I have always made reasonable accommodations for students with severe allergies, but I generally work with young children, not middle school. Peanut allergies are a cause for awareness, but for allergies so severe that contact alone is a trigger, accommodations become inherently unreasonable. Peanut residue may be found anywhere people go – park benches, theaters, public swings, tables, etc. The concept of a peanut free school is unrealistic, especially for middle school students who likely purchase and bring their own foodstuffs to school at times. On an interesting side note, The March 21, 2015 issue of Science News included an article regarding a study on peanut allergies. The study showed that infants at risk for peanut allergies had a much higher rate of developing allergies if peanuts were completely avoided, compared to the group for whom peanuts were slowly introduced. So…in some cases strictly eliminating peanuts as a precaution creates a problem that may not have existed otherwise.
Also, Bronte does not teach in the U.S. – that was clear from the posting.
Lastly, if schools are to be kept free of all allergens, they could not exist. I remember the children’s book, “Follow My Leader,” in which a counselor asks a recently blinded child if he expects the world to pad all sharp corners because he is blind? Sadly it appears that many people do expect the world the world to adjust to them. And as Dr. Seuss pointed out with the Zax, the world didn’t.

My son had a medical disability (epilepsy) in elementary school but did not want any special treatment and we did not get any accommodations at school. His teachers knew about it but also realized he want to be treated like a normal student.
And he was.

He’s now in middle school and an excellent student-independent, great work ethic, and gets distinguished honors. We have no need to keep on top of his teachers- he sees them daily and is capable of interacting with adults and problem solving. This is part of growing up.

Claiming your child is disabled and needs special treatment for peanuts is just playing the victim card. Pathetic.

‘I had to sign a permission slip for my middle school daughter to watch “The Outsiders.” ‘

Off topic, but please tell me that they also read the far, far better book. I don’t think I want to live in a world where kids watch The Outsiders instead of reading it.

In this day and age you really have to cover your ass. Maybe the teacher felt she had to do it. There are wacky parents out ther. Soon everyone will be sueing everyone else for every little thing. Everyone is suffering from more and more paranoia these days. I agree it is foolish to have a permission slip, but I also don’t blame her all that much. It probably has to do with the school and the fear of being sued for any little thing. That all I have to say about that.

I am allergic to stupidity. Reading about permission slips being required for sixth-graders to be in the presence of cookies and some of the comments here have triggered my stupidity allergy. You know one of the reasons why so many kids have allergies? It’s because their parents wont let them go outside and play in the dirt. Now I must consume adult beverages until my symptoms of rage and disgust over what total morons people can be at times go away.

@Jill-
This makes my want to teach my kids how to sign my signature so that they can limit the amount of nonsense paperwork that hurts my rational brain to read. Save the parents!

My middle schooler would probably not even eat the Oreo as to not deal with the stupid paperwork. Plus he’s a wrestler and wouldn’t want the empty calories/carbs (though I have no doubt my cookie loving daughters would eat away). There are so many forms that come home requiring permission for basic activities that should not require adult intervention or permission. These kids come in contact with vending machines, convenience stores, and Oreo aisles at the supermarket on a weekly basis. Why we are walking on eggshells for a damn cookie? I feel the pain of these teachers, I really do. Innovative education is being ruined by parents who need to find hobbies and interests outside their children and their allergies. Life goes on. Oreos and all.

Does anyone acknowledge the possibility that this is a joke or statement by the teacher, possibly in response to school lunch regulations? Maybe Mrs. Porter just needed to write a little … block at the beginning and end of this letter to avoid confusion. 🙂

I too, have a son with a severe food allergy. I would appreciate a slip likes this. My child has a life-threatening peanut allergy. And while I know SOME school have banned them, our’s has not. And even if they had, if you have never had to deal with such an allergy, you would not know that words like “processed in a plant that uses peanuts/treenuts” or “manufactured on the same equipment as peanuts/treenuts” are extremely important. I think it is the just school being careful and informing parents of what the child may come in contact with. Pick up a pack of oreos and read the back before your start making a big deal about this!

@E, yes, I know that this is middle school, and most often, parents try to educate their children at an early age (atleast we did) on the allergy, how to avoid it, etc. My son reads the backs of packages all the time. I don’t know exactly “what age” would be appropriate to allow them to take control of it, but I don’t believe that middle school is it. But perhaps, this is also a protection on the school’s part so as not to get sued by an overzealous parent. I believe that as long as the school shows that they are consistanly working to ensure the safety of the children, parents who “sue out of greiving or anger” shouldn’t be allowed to file a suit. My son accidently ate a peanut butter m&m in kindergarten. Rush to the hospital, he was fine, and I was angry. But after speaking to the school, the were able to give me reason to believe they had done everything they could to ensure my child’s safety. It was brought in by another parent for their own child and somehow ended up on my child’s desk. HOWEVER, there are parents out there that look for ANY REASON to sue, so this simple note may be their way of ensuring they don’t get blamed later for something a middle school child does on their own. I don’t know. But I really don’t see the big deal with the note.

This is absurd. While I do appreciate that some children have serious allergies, this is not the way to accommodate them. Rather than act as if a cookie is a potential danger to ever child that requires a legal waiver to consume, it would make more sense to inform a teacher at the start of the year if they have a child in their class with a severe allergy so that reasonable accommodations can be made. That way a teacher won’t eat a peanut butter sandwich while she’s also copying a test that is going to be handed out the next period if there’s a child in that section with a peanut allergy, but also won’t have to spend the entire year feeling like she has to obtain parental permission to bring food into the classroom.

It starts with the Evil Oreos….Girl Scout Cookies, they’re coming for you next:

http://www.mamavation.com/2015/03/peddling-poison-whats-really-in-girl-scout-cookies.html

Cookies.

We are doomed.

Jen,

if you have never had to deal with such an allergy, you would not know that words like “processed in a plant that uses peanuts/treenuts” or “manufactured on the same equipment as peanuts/treenuts” are extremely important.

Actually we all know all about these warnings. We have been forced by our schools, organizations and every other place our kid has been where food is possibly consumed. So Jen, we all know about it, we are fully aware of it. We have had no choice but get to know all about these warnings.

If you child does not know what they can and cannot eat by grade 5, they are way behind where they should be.

The real issue are the kids who don’t have permission to eat the cookies AFTER the experiment will just do it before and during the experiment.

They could always use play-dough and boards to make slip faults.

@Warren – yep, crazy as it sounds, allergies can be classified as disabilities. ..they are immune system conditions and therefore ‘disabilities’. Which is pretty crazy in my opinion. We were shocked when told Midge was technically ‘disabled’ – a less disabled kid you would be hard pressed to find. Same with allergy kids…the whole thing is ridiculous.

@SOA – Bronte is a Kiwi ….I doubt there’s a lot of call for Tikanga Maori practice in the States.

@Bronte – I always found it amusing when working in Porirua East at a mainly Pasifika school that the only teacher who consistently used dough and pasta etc for artwork in the classroom was our one Pasifika teacher

I am a parent of a child(4th grade) with food allergies. Things are locked down pretty good k-5. Her classroom is always a no food classroom.

We have drilled it into my daughter about her food allergy over the years. It has worked. She won’t touch anything without reading the label or talking to the person who made the item directly. We have prepped her over and over. The reason is by middle school she should/will be able to make her own decisions on food and we shouldn’t have to be notified about everything.

We are getting her ready for the rest of her life.

Warren: Allergies are considered a disability largely for the sake of school lunches. Some schools today don’t allow kids to bring in their own lunches (yeah, it’s stupid) but make exceptions for children with allergies who might not be able to eat much of the stuff offered in the school. It’s also possible to have a very severe peanut allergy where breathing in the dust is harmful, though that kind is pretty rate.

“Allergies are considered a disability largely for the sake of school lunches. Some schools today don’t allow kids to bring in their own lunches (yeah, it’s stupid) but make exceptions for children with allergies who might not be able to eat much of the stuff offered in the school.”

There are about 2 schools (outside of preschool) in the entire US which ban home lunches so I seriously doubt that the federal government has made the effort of declaring allergies a disability for the sake of a very small handful of school.

My son plays in the dirt everyday. Took him on daily strolls outside since he was a baby. I am not the best housekeeper either and never was since I had kids. So yeah, no lack of dirt here. Yet, still got a peanut allergy. His twin brother raised the exact same way did not get one. Has nothing to do with freaking dirt.

Warren: some examples of things they do to middle schoolers here-lock the bathrooms during class time and lunch except for one bathroom near the office because gosh forbid a kid might skip class in there or try to poop in privacy or smoke a cigarette or make out in there. As a substitute teacher I would get pretty mad when I needed to pee and kept trying bathroom after bathroom to find them all locked!

They actually walk middle schoolers to change classes in some of the schools here still. Starting doing it when I was in middle school back in 92.

Tried to control where my mother picked me up after school saying she was not allowed to park in one certain empty parking lot to pick me up but I had to be picked up in this other parking lot even though we were in no one’s way. Just because they wanted to be able to control everything after school hours.

When the bell rings they don’t just let the kids leave to their way home. They dismiss bus riders first, then car riders and walkers. Make you stand there in the hallway for up to 15 minutes after bell rings waiting on buses to leave. I found this out picking up a friend’s little brother one day from there.

In high school, we had a great teacher who loved to open stall doors or peek over stalls to catch you smoking. Even if you were not actually smoking. So she peeped at your peeing. She also asked my friend to “Let me smell your hands” because she thought she was smoking and wanted to smell the smoke as my friend was wiping her vagina after peeing.

Oh and one time my friend started her period during the school day in high school. My friend was a Senior so probably already 18 years old. She asked to go home to change clothes and then come back. They told her “I need to see the blood and see proof before I give you a pass to leave”. Needless to say she just left and then got suspended for skipping because she did not feel like showing her bloody tampon to the lady. I told her I wold have pulled it out right there and flung it at her. If you act like that to me, I can escalate.

So yes, in a way they treat middle schoolers and high schoolers like criminals around here. I had the most freedom in elementary school believe it or not.

Papilio – I believe it was gelatin.

Surely the teacher can find a nonedible substitute to be used in this experiment. Takong the time to write the permission slip, send them home, have parents sign, return them to school, collect them from students, etc. is WAY too much work for a cookie.

@Puzzled: Ooooh – yes that might be it. Practically molecules…

I just want to add here that as much as I know how ridiculous this appears, I know this teacher and she has been one of the highlights of my daughter’s experience in this middle school. She is doing this b/c of allergies, food sensitivities and other health issues that 6th graders might not be aware of- it’s not a matter of choice for a kid to eat these. but health and safety. She is covering her butt and taking care of her students so as silly as it sounds when portrayed this way by “Main Line Mom driving around the Main Line in her gas guzzling SUV”, it’s unfortunately a necessity.

As for those who claim their child should “own” their health issues at this age- a large percentage of kids in this school are disabled and while they “own” their disabilities 24/7 they may be nonverbal or have other issues which prevent them from being able to “own” to the extent of typical kids.

“She is doing this b/c of allergies, food sensitivities and other health issues that 6th graders might not be aware of”

If a child is not aware of his/her own food allergies, sensitivities or other health issues that mandate what s/he can eat or not eat, the parents are complete and utter failures. Even by the most sheltered, over-controlled parenting standards, a child should at least know their own health issues by 11/12 years old.

“a large percentage of kids in this school are disabled and while they “own” their disabilities 24/7 they may be nonverbal or have other issues which prevent them from being able to “own” to the extent of typical kids.”

Get real. Anyone capable of learning plate tectonics is also capable of “owning” whether they can eat an Oreo or not. Some are trying to act like this is a complicated, difficult evaluation that needs to be made. This is not some rare foreign delicacy. It is a freaking OREO – a quintessential American snack food that has surely been in the presence of everyone in the classroom umpteen times before this day, so they KNOW whether they can eat it or not without any thought process whatsoever being required.

But, for the sake of argument, say there is some child so severely disabled as to be nonverbal, but yet is somehow still studying plate tectonics in what appears to be a mainstream classroom, why do all the children need a permission form? Certainly the teacher has a form of daily communication with that particular child’s parents – the child being nonverbal and all – and could have just jotted a note to them.

Hmm…that was weird

@ Warren. .yes to the attention thing. And has your friend tried giving the child with seafood allergies anti-histamines before consumption? I ask only because my crazy husband, who is both allergic and addicted to seafood, has finally discovered that he can get away with eating crayfish if he takes the drugs first. He got this tip off a fellow Chinese addict friend

I think you mean “proof that we can never OVERestimate how far our obsession over child safety can go” but I know what you mean – it’s madness.

@Donna-
Amen.

I think there are parents who are raising kids with allergies and those who say “As a parent of a child with a life-threatening peanut allergy”, like it is a more important bullet on their parenting resume and is somehow more of an important role.
I bring up personal accountability because I think, especially for those with food allergies, it needs to be cultivated at early ages. Control freak parents who need to inspect every label and restrict all food that comes near their kids because “it could kill them” or “When it comes to ensuring a child doesn’t inadvertently eat a food they are allergic to, you can’t be overprotective.” Food is everywhere. Trying to maintain a protective shield around your kid is not a very good life strategy. It’s exhausting and all consuming and doesn’t make for a very happy, healthy childhood.

I, too, am willing to make concessions to make school safe for all kids. But when we kill a tree for an Oreo permission slip, I have to call these crazy parents on the carpet for the absurdity of a world where a tween can’t have a cookie. It’s attention seeking behavior to still call these things out as safety issues given the age of these kids.

Speaking of cookies, does anyone else remember the best-selling children’s book, “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie?” Here’s the Amazon link:

http://www.amazon.com/If-You-Give-Mouse-Cookie/dp/0060245867/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427653555&sr=1-1&keywords=if+you+give+a+mouse+a+cookie

Anyway, I think there’s a bit of that mentality with child safety–both with what over-protective adults and bureaucrats THINK will happen (give kids, or those working with kids, an inch of autonomy, and all hell breaks loose), and what actually happens (give bureaucrats total control of making the rules, and a different kind of hell breaks loose). But, in this case, it’s “If you give a tween a cookie, you’ll probably need permission from the parents. So, you send home a permission form, and Mommy Dearest flies off the handle and says that Her Child can only have gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, nut-free, sugar-free, fat-free, all-natural organic cookies that were blessed by two rabbis, a priest and a monk, and only then under parental supervision on the first Friday of each month.” Don’t even get me started on what might happen if you give a tween a cookie, and he or she asks for a glass of milk.

SOA – I don’t doubt for a second that you hate it for your son. However, you LOVE it for you. You love the attention. You love blowing it out of proportion.

That entire comment is an example. Much of that stuff you list is not necessary. My former nephew has a life-threatening peanut allergy. They go out to eat without checking online menus or calling ahead. They never pack special food for him when they go out anywhere, although their dish is always suitable for him. He has had ample sleepovers with no more drama than packing an epi-pen and mentioning that he has a peanut allergy. His mother doesn’t bring something to every party. If he can’t eat some things, he can’t eat some things. His parents have never once mentioned a fear over his now present love life. And he’s made it to 15 with no drama or near-death experiences.

Donna: there are varying degrees of peanut allergies for one thing. So unless your nephew has the exact blood test level my son has, it is not a fair comparison. Some kids react from cross contamination, some don’t. I know a little girl that is more allergic than my son and I don’t go around saying her mother is too overprotective just because she is more cautious than we are. Her daughter’s blood test results are higher meaning she will react easier than my son will. It is a very individualized thing.

I know some people that let their kids eat Chick Fil A even though its fried in peanut oil. Because some allergists and allergies are okay with it. Some are not. Neither group is wrong. That is the nature of food allergies. They are not the same for everyone.

We have walked into multiple restaurants and been turned away because they tell us they can’t serve him confidently. It happens. People have died when eating out because the server made a mistake or the chef made a mistake. So we only eat out at places that are chain restaurants that have allergen menus and set allergen protocols. Anything else is risky. This is a recommendation from our allergist.

I mean you can argue with me all day, but are you seriously going to say you know more than a certified Allergist who went to med school and did specialized training in allergies? Because sorry, you are not that smart and have not earned the right to say you know more than an doctor with a specialty in allergies and immunology.

and again, I don’t love it. All I do is complain about it. Never once has it made me feel good about myself. It definitely hurts my wallet and that is where I put the most trust in. I have to spend way more on groceries to buy only the allergy safe brands which usually cost more and pb alternatives cost twice as much as pb. Then the medical bills. We spend $600 to $800 a year on epipens alone. I want that money for massages dammit. So no, I don’t love it.

“I am scared for my life sometimes because of my allergy.”

Having an allergy is not a death sentence! The Grim Reaper is not following them around in the form of an Oreo. If a child expresses this level of irrational anxiety over a food allergy, you need to seriously look at why he feels this way. Likely, YOU gave him this anxiety for no good reason. THAT is the problem.

We know many families with peanut, tree nut, seafood, and Celiac Disease. I I have had most of these kids over my house and fed them with no issues. The allergy doesn’t define the child (or the parent), it’s just a part of life they’ve learned to manage. No one wants to talk smack about them or accuses them of seeking attention for the allergy because they don’t. They are too focused on living a normal, active life.

http://www.peanutallergy.com/news/food-allergy-news/minnesota-family-sues-restaurant-after-son-dies-of-allergic-reaction-to-panca

this is why you can’t trust a lot of restaurants and why eating out is actually dangerous. Thus why we are more likely to pack our own food versus go to restaurants and stick to restaurants we know are safe and/or call ahead and have to research ahead of time.

Dolly, didn’t say you enjoy the extra work. Said you enjoy the attention. You get to play the poor over-burden martyr mother. Every single comment you make on the subject indicates that.

@Warren and Dolly–I think you’re both right. Warren has a point about developmentally typical middle-school kids being old enough to “own” their own allergies, but on the other hand, Dolly’s son is five years old. I can only imagine what a fine line she must have to walk, between teaching her son to be responsible for his food allergies, and recognizing that he’s only five years old. I mean, the responsibilities of dealing with a food allergy don’t go away; they can only be transferred to the child as he or she matures.

Off the top of my head, I can think of reading labels on foods, in order to avoid the allergen(s). Most five-year-olds are beginning readers at best, so at five, that responsibility goes to the adult. Asking the right questions? Well, most five-year-olds can handle, “Does this food have [my allergen?]”; but might not think to ask, “Could this food have come into contact with [my allergen?]” So, that responsibility goes, again, to the adult, with some coaching to the child as to what questions to ask. That coaching may start at or before five years old, but it surely won’t be finished at five. Then, when it comes to medication, you could probably teach a five-year-old, “Take one children’s Benadryl from your care kit when you feel itchy” (assuming the child’s school even allows five-year-olds to carry Benadryl), but as Dolly said, a five-year-old might be afraid of the Epi-Pen, and not be able to inject him-or-herself if necessary.

Responsibilities that a child that young could take on might include avoiding blatant peanut products (for example, pre-literate children with peanut allergies can be taught to recognize and avoid the Reese’s logo, or the Skippy peanut butter squirrel, or the Kraft peanut butter teddy bears, which I find creepy even though I have no peanut allergy), but even if Dolly’s son can and does take those age-appropriate responsibilities, that’s not going to be sufficient to keep him safe. I think there’s a balance to be struck–if you do everything for your child, then they’re never going to take responsibility for their allergy, even when they’re old enough, but if you don’t help them at all, then they’re going to burn out, and possibly REFUSE to take responsibility for their allergy when they’re old enough. Besides, even some things that look like helicoptering, can ultimately have a positive result. For example, the parent who sends their child to a birthday party with an allergy-safe cupcake, or asks at a restaurant which dishes are safe, IN THE CHILD’S PRESENCE, is teaching that child that someday, when they’re old enough, they can bring their own food, ask the right questions, and that having food allergies isn’t the end of the world, because by then, they’ll have childhood memories of being able to eat out, or have cake at birthday parties, just in a slightly different way.

Anyway, long story short: There is a point where kids should be able to take responsibility for their own allergies (or diabetes, epilepsy, asthma, or whatever), but getting to that point happens gradually, and it certainly doesn’t happen at the age of five. So, sending permission forms home with middle schoolers to ask if they can have an Oreo in science class, is overkill, but I don’t think it’s overkill for Dolly to take precautions for her son, so that he can have a childhood.

ps I am actually looking forward to middle school for one reason- no more constant class parties. Parents seem to chill with that whole crazy train by the time middle school rolls around. I would rather just be done with all that. Kids don’t get food shoved at them all the time by that age in school like they do in elementary school.

@SOA – it does suck to have to inject yourself with anything , but it’s life for many kids and adults. I would expect a diabetic 5 year old to be beginning to inject themselves.

And I am surprised at your allergist. Our immunologists are unimpressed by schools and kindergartens making concessions for allergy kids….they rightly point out that it causes problems further down the track , by creating an artificial sense of complacency.

Doesn’t stop schools doing so, sadly.

@Emily- Dolly’s son is not 5, he’s 8.

By now, he’s been in school probably 3 years.
I also have an 8 year-old. She packs her own lunch, bikes to school, reads chapter books, and holds the neighborhood pogo stick jump record with 254 consecutive jumps.
She loves cupcakes but doesn’t bring them in for her birthday. We do the “donation” option given by the teacher where she picks 3-4 favorite new books (we order them on Amazon,sometimes used, who cares) and they place a little dedication page for her birthday on the inside of the front page. She thinks this is the coolest thing EVER.Sometimes she “visits” her previous donations (or checks them out) from years past. There doesn’t need to be food for everything or special food that meets everyone’s needs. But if there is, a child of 8 usually knows what they can and cannot eat for their own personal safety.

>>I would love to just let the room mom serve whatever the heck she wants and not even deal with it and just send in my money and be done with it. But instead I get to converse with her back and forth on what is and is not safe for him and then probably make some of it myself and then show up on party day to deliver it and stick around to make sure everything is safe.<<

^^^This is being a martyr mom.

It's also the reason I no longer volunteer to be a room mom because I Simply. Cannot. Deal.
To make several phone calls, make your own *safe* option because you won't trust someone to make it as safe as you, "stick around to make sure everything is safe" and treat every food encounter like it's your Supermom Mission does not benefit your child. You also treat the volunteer room mom like she's a complete moron who cannot be trusted. (I'd argue that pissing people off like this actually makes parents (and kids) less likely to look out for your son's allergy and yes, avoid you.)

As the saying goes: "Prepare your children for the road, not the road for your child."
Allergies are an individual challenge. But you're making it way, way harder for yourself (intentionally )and your son is old enough to learn how to navigate this road.
Have you asked HIM how he'd like to handle his allergies? Does he like having his mom argue with room moms about food and show up to patrol parties and the subsequent Anxiety that ensues??

@Lollipoplover–I love the “birthday book donation” idea, for school; however, when I mentioned bringing allergy-safe cupcakes to birthday parties, I meant birthday parties outside of school. I don’t remember celebrating kids’ birthdays in school when I was a kid, beyond the principal announcing birthdays on the P.A. system in elementary school, and the class singing Happy Birthday (and, we’d sing it in French if we happened to be in French class at the time someone mentioned that it was so-and-so’s birthday). I think parents were allowed to bring in birthday treats in elementary school, but I don’t remember it being a common occurrence. Anyway, as for Dolly’s son being eight instead of five, I missed that, but I still don’t think eight is the cut-off age for total responsibility for a food allergy. Kids that age can read better than five-year-olds, but not as well as adults, so they might miss their allergen lurking in the alphabet soup of ingredients in most packaged foods. They’re old enough to understand cross-contamination, but might forget to ask all the relevant questions if they’re too excited or distracted. They’re old enough to carry their own medication, but might be beginning to feel self-conscious about carrying a “dorky” fanny pack or man purse, as Dolly mentioned. So, it’s a process, and while eight is further along in that process than five, I wouldn’t say that eight is the magical age of total control.

Nope Lollipop Lover
I tried and tried to talk the room mom down from wanting to make 100 different snack foods to serve at the class parties. I told her “Hey get some chips and some capri suns and I will bring cupcakes-done”. No she wants to make 100 different Pinterest food ideas and then that is overcomplicating everything. So then I have to answer yes this is okay, no this is not for every single thing she wants to do and she has to bring me 100 labels to read. I tried to talk her out of doing all that. I tried to make it easy on her. She was having none of it.

Now some of the room moms were like “yeah you make the cupcakes and I will bring chips and fruit and juice, done.” But we have a lot of Pinterest moms that over do it at our school. We are only supposed to have 3 parties a year and she so far has done food and parties for every holiday and we have had 5 parties already.

So yeah I would call that shoving food at them a little too freaking much.

I’m a teacher and an aunt to a child who has severe food allergies. My nephew has food allergies (peanut, milk, eggs) that are life threatening. In my opinion, you can never be too careful when giving food to a student. Someone mentioned that if the student is in Middle School, then they should be smart enough not to eat something that they’re allergic to. Did anyone read the article about the college student who ate a cookie and it killed him?

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Allergies/college-freshman-peanut-allergy-dies-eating-cookie/story?id=18723777

Anyway, as I said, I’m also a teacher. We get enough criticism as it is, so she covered her butt and sent home a permission slip… and guess what? You guys STILL criticize her. Teachers can’t win. And children with food allergies and their parents are constantly criticized as well. Children with food allergies can die. Maybe not from an Oreo, but they could get sick. It’s not that they are soft or their parents “hover.” If you had a child that had food allergies, you’d want to protect them from getting sick or dying, too. Until it’s your kid, it’s easier to be callous.

BTW, I’m not trying to be hateful, just trying to offer some perspective.

@Warren–Food may be a part of holiday and birthday celebrations outside of school, but if you know there’s a child with a severe food allergy in the class, sometimes you have to be a little creative. So, for Valentine’s Day, you might take the kids outside for crazy carpeting, and then bring them back inside to watch a Valentine movie, and then have the exchange Valentines as the last thing before going home (because of Valentines with candy in them, and also to prevent the whole game of “who got how many?”) For a child’s birthday, the parent might bring in, say, small containers of bubbles (like, the kind you’d get at a wedding), decorated with curly ribbon in the birthday child’s favourite colour, or something of the sort, for the kids to play with at recess. For Christmas, you could decorate a tree, or put on a play with the kids, take them carolling (we did all of these in grade seven), enter a local Santa Claus Parade and decorate a float together (regular thing in the high school band, although w didn’t do a lot of decorating, because our “main attraction” was our music), or do a Secret Santa if there are no problems with income disparity or bullying, and not even bring up the idea of having a class party with snacks. Easter is easy, because you can have the kids hunt for plastic eggs, and put either small toys inside, or Monopoly money to be exchanged for prizes. Halloween’s a bit harder, because one of its main pillars seems to be candy, but there are probably ways around that too, like maybe a field trip to a pumpkin farm, or having the older kids make a haunted house in the gymnasium for the younger kids. For middle and high school aged kids, you could have a dance, and just give the kids pop or punch to drink, and they’d be happy with that.

Anyway, I don’t agree with sending home permission forms for a single Oreo in a middle-school science class, but special occasions are different, and it’s not as if the holiday or birthday will be ruined if ONE of the celebrations doesn’t involve food. After all, most kids who celebrate birthdays or holidays at school will also be celebrating Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, and their own birthdays, on their own, at home (or, each parent’s home if the parents are separated or divorced), and at whatever extra-curricular activities they’re involved in, so the school celebration isn’t the be all, end all. I hardly remember what we ate at every single class party over the years, but I do remember the things we did–the Halloween costume parades, the plays and special assemblies, making paper mailbags for our Valentines, the whole Christmas celebration we did in grade seven (spread over several days), the dances, the concerts and parades in high school, and almost all of the “doing” parts of the festivities, much more than the “eating” parts. So, I don’t think it’s a horrible message to tell kids that food is secondary to being together and doing fun activities. There are positive ways to do this, and I think the best way is to just enthusiastically tell them what IS going to happen. So, instead of “We’re not having a party with snacks for Valentine’s Day,” you could say, “We’re going to go outside to play in the snow, and then come inside and watch the Charlie Brown Valentine movie.”

Yes, Warren, the kid(s) with allergies COULD “just deal with it,” but I still think it’s better to exclude a non-essential component from a school celebration, than to exclude one or more of the kids who are a part of the group that’s supposed to be celebrating. Adults teach kids how to treat each other, and give them a safe place when they need it, so I think there’s something to be said for just saying, enthusiastically and confidently, “Right then, this year for Christmas, we’re putting on a play for the rest of the school, and any parents who want to come,” or “We’re having a dance party with costumes for Halloween,” with no mention of “We can’t have a party with snacks, because Jimmy has food allergies,” or worse yet, just going ahead and having a traditional “junk food” party without Jimmy. Besides, the “snacks and free play in the classroom” party has been done to death–or, at least that’s how it was when I was in school. If a teacher had said we were doing something different, that wasn’t yet another round of junk food and board games, I would have been thrilled. My mom would have been happy too, because it would have meant that she wouldn’t have had to buy or make snacks for me to bring for the class.

Dolly, If your child won’t eat anything unless you are in the room, even after you’ve said it is okay, your child has issues that need counseling. My guess is that the entire family needs counseling to bring this down to a reasonable level of proportion.

This is one of those things that you can treat as just a part of life or play it for high drama. It is either how Junior is or an unmitigated tragedy. The children feed off of parental reaction; they don’t over-react independently. A child who is afraid to eat and thinks his mother is lying to him when in public is responding to his parents’ angst, not independently generating his own fears. Or he has a serious anxiety disorder that needs psychological treatment.

The simple fact is that the world doesn’t revolve around allergic kids. Their lives are not going to be exactly like non-allergic kids lives and that will be okay if you let it be okay. You can choose to talk to the room mother 100 times and bake cupcakes for the entire class or you can choose to peace-out of the whole thing and send your kid with a favorite safe treat from home in place of whatever pinterest mom has planned for the Christmas party. That choice is 100% yours. You can make a birthday cake from scratch or put a candle on something that your kid can eat and sing “happy birthday.” That choice is 100% yours. My ex’s family took the later route and they have a happy, popular, well-adjusted kid who is content to eat vanilla ice cream for every birthday instead of a fancy store-bought birthday cake (his mother does not bake).

Parents get way too caught up in creating a childhood that fits some perfect model in their mind. Kids don’t have a model in their mind and tend to take things in stride if allowed. If you treat a lack of cupcakes as a tragedy, your child will view a lack of cupcakes as a tragedy, despite having never tasted a cupcake. If you treat a lack of cupcakes as a simple fact of life, your child will view it as a fact of life and not a tragedy. That doesn’t mean that he won’t occasionally hate being different and want the cupcakes, but we all feel that way at times. That is not a tragedy either.

@Emily- Most of your “non-food” party suggestions would not fly in the current school environment.
Watch a movie?
Better not be PG, you will need a permission slip and not all kids will be able to watch.
Decorate a Christmas Tree?
There are many kids who don’t celebrate Christian holidays.
Easter egg hunt? With small toys instead of candy?
Those would be consider choking hazards. And celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ could offend those of other religions.
Play in the snow?
The kids aren’t allowed because the parents complain when they get wet or dirty.

Food is not essential, but like in life, it complements most celebrations and is a very fundamental part of life.
So when the allergic child is a teen and wants to go on a date, does Dolly need to come along?
What about business dinners?
Weddings? Should we eliminate the reception and have the guest fly kites instead?

P.S., I know that you can say, “the child with the food allergy just has to be careful,” but with communal food, there’s SO much potential for cross-contamination, that it really depends on the other kids to be careful, and they might not be careful; not out of malice, but simply because they don’t understand what it’s like to have a food allergy, so they’re not used to taking precautions, and maybe they’re just excited, because it’s a special occasion. Anyway, let’s imagine that the snack table for the class Christmas party includes pretzels, red and green Christmas M&M’s, a fruit tray, cupcakes with unidentified ingredients, and red Kool-Aid to drink. Jimmy is allergic to peanuts. Okay, he can have pretzels, fruit, and a glass of Kool-Aid, because even regular M&M’s contain peanut residue. That’s all well and good, until the other kids start taking cupcakes and M&M’s, and then sticking their fingers in the pretzels and the fruit. You can give them scoops and tongs to use, but even that isn’t foolproof. So, the only absolutely safe approaches would be either “Jimmy goes without”; “Jimmy brings his own food”; “Jimmy doesn’t attend the class party”; OR, “We celebrate Christmas as a class without food.” Maybe the last one is a soft option, and maybe it “doesn’t prepare Jimmy for the real world,” but in another way, it kind of prepares ALL the kids in the class. After all, we sometimes fall into the trap of talking about the “real world” as if it’s something outside our control, but really, we’re all a part of that “real world,” and we have the power to make that “real world” a little kinder, if we set our minds to it. Any one of the kids in that class, including Jimmy, could grow up to be teachers, or work with groups of kids in another capacity, and potentially encounter a child with food allergies, diabetes, or whatever, and since they’ll have childhood memories of classroom celebrations that included everyone, they’ll be prepared when they’re the adult in charge in a situation like this. So, my answer remains the same–a single Oreo in science class doesn’t warrant a huge fuss, but for a classroom or group celebration, everyone should be able to participate.

@Warren–It’s not that I want to be nice and please everyone; it’s just that, for all your talk of “facing adversity,” it’s always a certain group of kids who have to “face adversity,” while everyone else gets their way: the food-allergic kid faced with a class party, the introverted kid who’s shoved outside for recess every day, and called “antisocial” for needing a break from interaction, the physically smaller kid who wants to play hockey, but can’t safely do that, because there are no non-contact leagues…..and so on, and so forth. You seem to openly scorn the kids who are different, who aren’t as strong, fast, athletic, extroverted, popular, or attractive; who have medical or sensory problems, who speak English as a second language, who come from low-income families, or whatever.

So, it seems that the onus is always on THAT kid to “suck it up and deal,” and never on the other kids (or the adults in charge) to show some compassion. By the same token, you seem to dismiss bullying as “part of growing up,” rather than saying that kids who bully need to “face adversity” and learn that, in the real world, you can’t get what you want through violence, stealing, extortion, or gossip and manipulation. So, while there’s something to be said for “facing adversity,” I think it’s also necessary to recognize that some kids (and adults) have to face a whole lot MORE adversity than the general population, and there are some times when it’s okay to say “enough already,” and take steps to include them, because these kids already know they’re different, and don’t need to be reminded constantly. That doesn’t mean banning all the kids from playing running games or playing on the monkey bars at recess because one kid is in a wheelchair, but for special occasions, I think it’s wise to look at the planning in terms of what ALL the kids can do.

Even adults do this–when they’re planning a party or event, they think of their potential guest list, and consider those people’s needs as much as possible. So, if I was having a party for all the people on the Free Range Kids forum, that would mean I’d be inviting Kimberley, who has life-threatening food allergies to peanuts (and possibly tree nuts as well; I don’t remember), and shellfish. So, I wouldn’t serve nuts or shellfish (the latter being a moot point for me, because I’m vegan), and I’d clean the kitchen that morning, to get rid of any peanut residue on the counters, because I normally eat a lot of peanut butter. She’d still have to bring her Epi-Pen, because I couldn’t guarantee that my house would be completely sterile, but I sure as heck wouldn’t just skip the precautions, and then tell her to “just deal.” For a class party, all the kids in the class are “invited” by default, and they learn from example, so like I said, a child who grows up in a culture of inclusion, will practice inclusion as an adult. A child who grows up with the mentality of “sucks to be [whatever minority],” will take that attitude into adulthood.

P.S., I kind of wish someone really would have a party for the people on the Free Range Kids board. I think it’d be cool to meet you guys in person. I know that this isn’t possible, because some people here live halfway around the world from me (like Hineata in New Zealand), but it’s fun to imagine it.

Warren: “stay the hell home?” so now you are advocating being truant from school? No thanks. I don’t want the truancy board after me. If the government is going to require my son to attend school, they are going to make it safe for him. Its that simple.

Thank you for posting this. My wife (3rd grade teacher) was told she needed a permission slip for her students to attend a demonstration I give on lung health. I use a set of preserved pig lungs and a bellows to demonstrate how the lungs work and how smoking can damage them. I have no idea what the administration is worried about…

I’ve given this same talk to hundreds if not a thousand students over the last few years and I’ve never had any type of permission slip or even a letter telling the parents what we were doing. Unreal!!!!

But seriously, thanks for posting it.

SOA,
I would intentionally tell just your kid to stay home. Just so I would not have to deal with you.

And yes, either take control of your allergy, manage it, or STAY THE HELL HOME. I am sick and tired of idiots like you always making and demanding that everyone else be responsible for your kid. Make your kid responsible for themself. If they are unable, then stay home, or you get off your fat ass and go in to monitor. But stop making it everyone else’s job. Your kid is not nearly important enough for the world to bend over backwards for.

And I don’t know what polls you are talking about, because frankly I say your lying and talking out your arse.

My kids have asthma and seasonal allergies and they go play outside every day. All the kids do at school. So its something all the kids can do.

The parties in the classroom at our school all they do is eat and talk. Which is fun but extra recess is probably more fun. My kids love extra recess.

SOA,
You are correct. Since the state says our kids have to go to school, they are on the hook to make it as safe as possible for all students. Therefore I suggest that the other parents in your school pressure the school to keep your kids out. The stress, anxiety and bullcrap that you and your kids bring, mosty you, create a highly stressful enviroment, which can lead to many stress related illnesses. So for the greater good, home school. Or shut up.

Emily,
That is disgusting. Once a week? Remind me to never eat your cooking.

Which is it, inviting someone over for dinner, or having a party? Two totally different activities. Yes if it is just another couple coming over, for sure food allergies would be considered.
One of our backyard pool parties or any other large event with many guests…………nope, don’t give a rat’s ass. I will make what I make, and if you have to have something specific, then bring it yourself. And do not think for even a second that any meat substitute will ever touch my grill. Real meat and real veggies only. You want a fake burger, go to Licks. The only other rule, nobody but me and my youngest daughter, and our local friend the nurse, ever ever ever touches the grill, smoker, or firepit. No one else is qualified.

Sorry, those are not the only rules. There is the obvious no glass around the pool. Don’t feed the dogs chocolate. Watch the watermelon though, they love watermelon. Don’t tell the kids to play quietly……..we have acres, they are outside, go nuts and have fun. Never ever mix Jack Daniels with ice or anything. Always bring extra clothes, incase you fall or are thrown in the pool. Also clean clothes for morning, because if I deem you unfit to drive, there is no appeal, Im bigger and don’t care if you hate me for it. When you think you’re full, have one more burger or hot dog just to be sure. BYOB, and when you run out, we have plenty, just don’t insult us by asking if we mind or offering to pay for it, it is there to be consumed. If the music is not at least older than my oldest daughter, it does not get played. AC/DC, David Wilcox, Montgomery Gentry, Zepplin and the odd other artist gets played loud. If a kid can walk, they can be bartenders. Do not lean on the back fence, it is charged by our neighbor to keep his bull from coming over to the party. Yes there are rifles in the gun locker, and no you can not see them.

The one rule, and all parents abide by it, is just before we all eat, the kids walk a platter of food over to the elderly couple across the road. We have always invited them, they explained they just don’t get out much, the sun, the excitement, the whole thing is too much for her. But they encourage us to not worry about disturbing them, and not once have they complained. But they do love seeing the kids show up with dinner. LOL, she doesn’t like him drinking for whatever reason, so we always sneak a couple of cans of beer in the delivery.

Warren, when I said I clean my kitchen once a week, I meant I clean it fully once a week. I obviously clean up spills and things as needed in the interim. Anyway, your pool parties sound pretty fun, and I agree; the rules of a formal hosted event are a bit different from the rules of a backyard barbecue, because with the backyard barbecue, it’s outside (obviously), and you don’t have an exact guest list. I think that the dynamic is still a bit different than a “junk food and board games at school” party, because at your pool parties, people can eat, socialize, swim, dance to the music, play with the dogs (but obviously not feed them chocolate), et cetera. So, someone who doesn’t want a hamburger or a hot dog for whatever reason (like me) could enjoy the swimming and the company, and just have watermelon or whatever. Meanwhile, for a class party, you do know who’s coming (i.e., the members of that class), and if the only activities are junk food and board games (usually not enough board games for all the kids to play), then the child with food allergies is missing out on a large part of the festivities.

As for my veganism, I’m not an evangelical vegan, so I don’t try to stop anyone else from eating meat in my presence, and just a regular barbecue wouldn’t bother me, although I do have my limits–for example, I’d never go to a pig roast. I’d never try to stop anyone from having one; I just wouldn’t attend. Also, I think it’s really nice of you and your kids to make a plate for the couple across the street, who can’t come to the pool parties because it’s too much excitement for them. So, I can see that you do have some compassion, and you’re teaching your kids well, and so, I think it’d be different if you or one of your kids actually knew the food-allergic child and/or his or her family. That way, it wouldn’t be “that one snowflakey kid/family who’s ruining everything,” but “my hockey teammate’s son,” or “my daughter’s friend from school,” and you’d be more inclined to make concessions–not lobbying for food-free classrooms, but maybe providing an allergy-friendly item for the class party, like juice boxes, or individual mini bags of chips, so the child with the allergy can have something.

LLMI,
We are not berating or mocking this individual teacher, not by any means.

We are berating and mocking the society that has allowed crap like this to become the standard or norm. Big difference.

Sorry bout your luck with the whole allergy thing, but in the end that is your issue, not mine.

Emily nailed it. At the school parties all they literally do is eat. They don’t even get the board games. Its eat the food and talk. That is it. So if my son cannot eat anything, then how is that a fun party for him? How is he being included as a member of the class? If they had tons of stuff going on he could do instead of eat I would not care nearly as much.

When we go to parties we get invited to outside school, I just bring him a treat and we don’t worry about it. Because there are party games. activities, things to do besides just sit and eat.

I am also the one doing the leg work for the parties and contributing a lot of money and supplies towards them more so than most other parents-so hell yes I expect my son to be included. I am not paying money for him to sit there left out.

It’s my understanding that kids who are so allergic that they will die if there’s a peanut or Oreo in the room, or was ever a peanut or Oreo in the room, is very small. Yet their parents always seem to find this site somehow, and constantly assure us that of course they have to monitor every morsel of food through what, high school? I’m sorry, but I have to believe, as others have said, that a lot of this is parent-driven as opposed to allergy-driven.

SOA,

So Warren: you would have no problem buying plates, and cups and napkins for a party and then there being nothing for your child to even eat at said party? A lot of the parents at that school will not contribute any money or supplies for parties. I always contribute more than my share to make up for the other parents. But, then yeah, I expect my son to be able to participate. I am not doing charity here.

If I am going to do charity, a school party is not the place I think I wanna spend my charity money.

Again it is all about you. Are you really that damn dumb, because you just keep proving our point, over and over again.

And I assume you are stupid. The first time I found out there was nothing at a party for my kid to eat………..I would send something with him/her. So get off your high horse. Being stupid does not make you a good parent.

Emily,
I give up, you win.

Let’s find the most allergic, immune suppressed child in North America. Find out what his or her specific requirements and restrictions are. We can then take that information and make it the required standard in every class in every school.

I would suggest that no more field trips be planned ever, as a handicapped child may at anytime be transferred to the class that may not be able to take part in the trip. No more wishing anyone a happy freaking birthday, as it may trigger someone’s fear of aging. No more morning, recess and dismissal bells so as to not freak out the kid with sensory issues. All kids must dress in gender nuetral clothing to avoid any discrimination based on gender. And I could make a list hundreds of pages long.

OR

We could try a really new and unconventional way of doing things. Now Emily, it is rather radical, and probably extremely unfair and unjust. But what the hell.

If you have a personal issue, be it health, mental or emotional……………..manage it yourself. Stop being lazy and stop whining about how unfair it is. Most importantly stop making everyone else responsible for your well being.

You don’t think it is fair that one child misses out because of their allergy. I say it is bullshit that 29 other students do without because of one student with allergies.

If you don’t think food needs to be a part of something, fine, don’t freaking eat it. But don’t for one second think you have the right to tell others not to.

Okay, part of that cut off, but I basically said that it’s not necessary to set the standard protocol as “what’s safe for the most medically fragile child in North America.” Instead, the best thing to do would be to look at the kids you have, make decisions according to what they can do, and then be positive about it, by saying, for example, “We’re going to put on a play for Christmas,” or “We’re going to the park for a play day for the last day of school,” rather than “We’re not having a party with junk food.” This may mean that the celebrations look a little different over the years, according to the needs of whoever’s there, but maybe inclusion could be a tradition in itself.

As a middle school science teacher, I use this very lab for plate tectonics. (For those who are wondering, there really isn’t another set of objects that do the plate simulation as well as a Double Stuff Oreo, I’ve tried.) I do not send home a permission slip. Our student information system lists food allergies, and I keep track of those throughout the year. I don’t use food often because it usually doesn’t have a place in the science lab, but if I do I find alternative activities that are as close to the real thing as I can make them for students who can’t do those things. I also keep track of religious materials issues, since some science materials cannot be handled by some students for reasons that have nothing to do with food allergies.

As a mother of two children with food allergies who are also middle schoolers, I do next expect to be notified at the middle school level if food will be used. My children know how to advocate for themselves and they know, “When in doubt, go without.” Their friends and teachers all know how to use the EpiPens, just in case they do something stupid (although, their friends are so scared of using the Epis they usually tell my kids not to eat stuff). My kids know they can play the sympathy card with me at home to get a treat if they couldn’t eat something sugary at school.

If a child with food restrictions has impulse control problems the parents usually contact teachers early in the year and we adjust food activities accordingly.

I think it’s really harsh to criticize this teacher (she may have been told she has to do this by her administration), but I also think it’s up to a school community to help a middle schooler who isn’t ready to advocate for him/herself. Middle school is the perfect time to help a child learn how to get along in the world without parents looking over his or her shoulder.

Emily, Except cross-contamination from food is another way overblown risk. I’m sure it happens on rare occasions, but it isn’t common. It is like abduction – sure, it COULD, and likely does rarely, happen, but it isn’t a constant happening. My daughter’s elementary school doesn’t ban anything and there are 3-4 occasions a year involving food, including a school-wide poetry picnic/pot luck. We’ve NEVER had a serious allergic reaction. While we all like to take the Lake Wobegone view that our children are exceptional, I am willing to admit that they really aren’t. Our local kids are not more courteous, clean and cautious than any other kids in any other school in the country.

Nicole H,

Really don’t care what is in an Oreo, or a Coffee Crisp, or any of it. Like anything else as long as you use common sense and balance none of it will do any harm.

No junk food at all, is your personal choice. Do not expect everyone else to kiss your ass because of it. Personally I believe an absolute no junk food, no this food or that food is insane and you need your head checked.

Hate to tell you but for a very long long time food has been ENJOYED, not just deemed essential.
Just out of curiousity, what do you consider junkfood? Because my list of junkfood isn’t just limited to candy, treats and snacks. It includes all fast food, all bar food, and most restaurant food. With that said, we eat all of it. We love it and would never dare give any of it up.

So I should just send in the minimum requested amount the room mom asks for? Or should I send in no money period? Because I was a room mom one year and it sucked when you were trying to plan a party for 22 kids with 10 dollars because that was all that was sent in.

So I always send in the money they ask for and do extra to make up for the other parents that don’t send any in. But in exchange I do expect my son to be included. Seems fair.

How can you argue that not being fair?

Just like when I sent in all the requested school supplies for the classroom plus extra, so I don’t want to hear about my son not being able to do his schoolwork because they ran out of supplies. Um no, I sent in his and extras so yeah, he better have supplies. Our school does communal supplies.