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No izikieasia
Child Left Alone: Getting the government out of parenting is the seriously great title of a new (and first!) book by journalist Abby Schachter. It begins with this story:
Do you want to see government operating as if it can and should raise your kids for you? Try enrolling your child in state-licensed daycare. When our eldest daughter was 18 months old and started at the local preschool, the intrusion into our fami ly’s decisions started almost immediately with strict rules about which foods I could send from home and how I should prepare and portion fruits and vegetables. My husband and I would joke by singing “Peel Me a Grape”!
I used to inquire about the reasons behind each of these policies. The answer was always the same, whether it was an is sue of safety or hygiene, cleanliness or health: The state says so.
As the years passed, the rules piled up. No plastic bags. We had to provide multiple sippy cups because once a cup is prof ferred it cannot be used again. Requirements for daily sunscreen slathering, and a state mandate that all uneaten food be thrown out lest anything become “hazardous” over the course of the day—these are just a few of Pennsylvania’s daycare decrees. We got used to all that. It was annoying but tolerable, until I had my fourth kid.
When my son’s caregiver inquired what she should know about him, I asked for exactly one thing: Please swaddle him for every nap. Swaddling means snugly or tightly wrapping baby in a blanket. It keeps them feeling safe and secure, and it is the only baby advice we followed. No can do, the daycare lady said apologetically. The state doesn’t allow us to swaddle.
I was shocked. In the three years since my third child be gan daycare, Pennsylvania, along with several other states, had changed the regulations to include a ban on swaddling. The rea son is safety, because there have been cases of babies suffocat ing when covered by thick, loose blankets, and the overarching threat of SIDS. This is less common now that we’re all taught to sleep babies on their backs, but it is still a danger, though there are no reported cases of babies suffocating due to loose blankets at daycare, certainly not in Pennsylvania (I checked). But I wasn’t thinking about any of that when I learned about the new rules. As a mother, I want to do what works, and what worked for my other three kid — whether sleeping at daycare or at home—was wrapping them tightly in a blanket, like a burrito.
I demanded to know what I could do and was told that a doctor’s waiver would allow the daycare workers to wrap my son. I eventually found a pe diatrician who signed the waiver and became my instant hero. I was happier, my son slept more, and the daycare workers had an easier time caring for my baby.
After four kids you’d think I would be used to this sort of bureaucratic intrusion into my personal decision-making. But more and more government-mandated parenting started getting under my skin.
Schachter started connecting with other parents who didn’t want the authorities — or busybodies calling the authorities — to micromanage their childrearing. The result is her book on why parents are not given the benefit of the doubt, and how to fight back. A good fight!
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48 Comments
Awesome. I loved your book, Lenore, and I look forward to reading this one too. Side note: your speech at that Reason event a few months ago was hilarious and informative.
A lot of these rules result from all the parental lawsuits in the 1990s. I remember how it started: I watched a lot of TV that summer between sixth and seventh grade (a childhood no-no, I know). During the shows, I saw all these lawyer ads that I was convinced hadn’t been shown before. Been in an accident? Sue, sue, sue! Get what YOU deserve! I think all these ads seeped into American brains and created the lawsuit culture of the 90s, just like how pharma ads have turned us into a nation of pill poppers.
Ban lawyer and pharma ads on TV and we’d all be happier and saner.
In the four years between my two boys (now almost 6 and almost 2), I was told to swaddle the older one and was taught by the nurses at the hospital how to do it properly (and I had a clue anyway as I had worked in daycare prior to that)n but by the time my second one was born (in a different state, as well), I was told not to swaddle him but to, instead, use swaddle covers (which were basically sleeping bags with holes for arms and the head)……even though the nurses at the hospital swaddled him. Screw that. i swaddled him. I knew how to do it properly.
What changed? Nothing. The changes came as a result of parents not knowing how to properly swaddle. Swaddling is still considered best practices but because so many parents don’t know how (and are no longer taught), everyone changes their little tune. ::sigh::
Also, the garbage that went on with day care licensing…..I hated some of it. Some of it was so ridiculous. Some of it made sense but really, peeling grapes? Um….no.
My kid used to get nasty reactions from the soap they used at the daycare. I asked that they allow my kid to just use water when she washed her hands. (They do a lot of hand washing at daycare.) They said no, it was absolutely required that they use the soap every time. I think they may have changed the type of soap though, as the problem didn’t continue long.
I have told my kids to decline to use hand sanitizer at school. They tell me they are required to use it.
Don’t get me started about my kids having to tote booster seats to school when the 3rd grade went on a field trip.
I had my two boys in day care in PA 2 days a week for about 2 months when they were 2 and 3 years old. We also had some strange regulations.
They had to feed my kids breakfast and lunch so that they got healthy food. They fed them sugar cereal, and things like mac and cheese and chicken nuggets.
My two year old screamed the entire time he was there. He had a sippy cup that he used for a comfort object. They did not let him carry it around the room. I told them that he was not to have any milk in that cup, only water, because he was having some issues with decay on his teeth from it. For lunch, they put milk into it because he spilled it when they gave it to him in a normal cup. He was perfectly capable of using a cup at home, he was spilling it because he was mad. When I told them to just give him water, they told me that they had to give him milk.
They shuffled my 2 year old from room to room. When I went to pick him up, I never knew if he would be in the 1 year old, 1.5 year old or 2 year old room. But when I suggested maybe moving my 3 year old down to the 2 year old room, so that my two miserable boys could be together, they said that they could absolutely not do that.
@SKL.
Don’t get me started about my kids having to tote booster seats to school when the 3rd grade went on a field trip.
^ NO FARKING WAY!!! This was a real school trip on a school bus?? OMG, I can’t imagine the ridicule from their classmates.
My wife teaches 4k here in Alabama. She told me so many ridiculous stories that I didn’t believe her. So she brought the twelve-billion page regulation book home for me to look over. It is unbelievable. Nothing is based on data and no reference to the reasoning is provided. Just a few tidbits that are mandated now:
Sandboxes or sand areas must be covered daily (might get a little squirrel poop in there). The number of dolls and other toys in the classrooms are precisely prescribed – x number of white, x number of black, x number of hispanic, x number of asian, etc. It goes on forever.
My kid was in various state-licensed daycare providers, and we didn’t run into any of the difficulties identified by this author. The closest they came was asking for forewarning if parents planned to bring treats for things like birthdays, so they could clear it with other parents.
The state (OR) regulates the providers fairly heavily… but doesn’t regulate the parents. I guess YMMV.
Actually, this makes sense. Daycares can actually swaddle babies, but only up until they can roll over by themselves around 4-6 months. At 18-months, your baby can probably roll over, crawl, and walk so swaddling can be dangerous. Also it’s unlikely that your “baby” will be in a crib at daycare at 18-months. They will probably be using cots. Sorry, I’m agreeing with the daycare on this one.
“when I suggested maybe moving my 3 year old down to the 2 year old room, so that my two miserable boys could be together, they said that they could absolutely not do that.”
There’s a reason for that. It has to do with mandatory staffing ratios. Older kids have a different required ratio than younger kids. For infants, it’s like 1:4 (1 caregiver can provide care for 4 infants)… if a fifth infant arrives at the center, they have to add another staffer to the infants’ room. By the time you get to school age, it’s more like 1:20. If the room for the 2-year-olds is at the required ratio, moving another child in there would require adding staff. (I assume this means either calling in a spare, or having the manager actively working childcare in addition to doing management tasks.
“During the shows, I saw all these lawyer ads that I was convinced hadn’t been shown before.”
There are ethical rules governing advertising by lawyers. They used to be very strict… then they were successfully challenged on first amendment grounds.
You can read something similar to your state’s rules here:
http://www.americanbar.org/groups/professional_responsibility/publications/model_rules_of_professional_conduct/model_rules_of_professional_conduct_table_of_contents.html
Each state’s actual rules can and does vary slightly from the model rules. California’s rules are substantially different.
The rules about advertising are 7.1, 7.2, 7.3, and 7.4.
“Sandboxes or sand areas must be covered daily (might get a little squirrel poop in there).”
There’s a reason sandboxes have covers, and that reason is cats.
As anyone who ever forgot to put the cover on a sandbox can tell you.
@Jacy – I at first saw that too. She started her first at 18 months, when swaddling was allowed, but I don’t think they were swaddling her 18 month old, just over-regulating the food, etc. It was her 4th baby she wanted swaddled.
I was lucky to use a home day care, where they even let us use cloth diapers.
@Jacy–depends on the state. I have a licensed daycare in Michigan, and I cannot swaddle any baby of any age unless I’m holding it, even with a doctor’s note. They can have NOTHING in the crib with them but a tight-fitted sheet and can use a pacifier.
However, I can place a child in a crib until 24 months, as long as she is not over the height and weight limits for the crib.
@Mal Here, children are not allowed to carry sippy cups around at all-even empty. My consultant is pretty easy going, but she is a stickler for that.
The milk rule may come from the federal food program. This is voluntary, but most daycares that provide food use it. Milk is required for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I had a meal one time that I was not reimbursed for because I forgot to write milk on the menu. I served it, I just forgot to write it down.
You should see the rule book for licensing. It is ridiculous. Basically, helicoptering is required. Of course, rules vary by state, so I can only speak for Michigan. You are required by the state to be licensed to care for ANY unrealated child for a period of more than 14 days.
We bypassed one daycare because they didn’t actually have a toilet for kids until they were in the 3yo class. My kids were out of diapers at 1.5 and I wasn’t putting them back in at 2.5.
Didn’t the mother of the Prince of Peace wrap Him in swaddling clothes and lay Him in a manger?
So, it was Bethelem, not Bethlehem, PA. Lucky for Mary and her little bitty baby.
I know center vs family daycare is a personal thing, but my personal choice is a family daycare. You get to really pick who is caring for your kid and they generally seem to be so less fussy on things!
How exciting to watch a movement grow, and with a sense of humor. Go, team.
State programs are weird, mainly because they are always adding rules, but never getting rid of ones that no longer make sense due to new data, whatever (true of all regulation, I know). Last summer I was visiting with a friend and we walked over to the school where they were doing free lunches for kids. My oldest has a milk and egg allergy and they were serving pizza. Everything else was fine for him to have, but when I asked that they not even put the pizza on the plate, they seemed in shock and made some comment that they had to. I emphasized the allergies and luckily they went along with it, but seriously, if I say my kid has allergies and can’t have it, the discussion should have ended right there.
Well, Hillary Clinton wrote “it takes a village,” and so for that and a dozen or two other reasons I won’t be casting a vote for her in the upcoming election. Nor for the reality TV moron Trump. Trump, as far as I’m concerned, is Hillary’s problem, not mine.
I have my pen ready.
You know, we can either keep putting up with this fascism from the left and from the right, regarding our children, or we can say no. The black folks are doing that as regards the police. Maybe the rest of us sheep and frogs ought to do the same thing.
You have a right to raise your child. Write to your state representative, and tell him or her to piss up a rope.
Government overstepping with children is crazy. Sadly in many states the only legal childcare place, centers or homes, are licenced ones. Licenced use to mean a place where basic safely was met such as gates and outlet covers. Now it means a 12 inch manual of things the place must do for the safety of children. Its quite ridiculous and working parents don’t have many options.
About 25 years ago now, a teacher at my school, who did not know me, declared my lunch “unsuitable”, confiscated it, and gave me an “acceptable” lunch instead.
Except I could not eat any of the things she then gave me.
(I was an allergy kid before allergies were a well known thing)
So, I went hungry instead. I knew not to eat food that would make me sick.
About 15 years ago I was making my baby brother’s lunch for school, I packed him things I knew he would eat (for he ate it at home). I received a note back from the teacher saying it was not allowed (apparently the Greek food I was sending was too salty, and left overs were never suitable. I think there was something wrong with the dip as well). Apparently I was meant to send a sandwich (but not containing nuts, due to allergies, or vegemite, too salty, or jam, too sugary).
Come to now, we are looking at schools, and part of what I am looking at for each school is their “healthy eating” policy. To see how much it is going to do my head in.
As a child I could not eat fruit, dairy, some vegetables, some meats, and some processed wheat foods (like bread). Most “healthy eating” policies would make me sick! A parent gets to know their own child, and what they will eat and can handle.
“The rea son is safety, because there have been cases of babies suffocat ing when covered by thick, loose blankets, and the overarching threat of SIDS.”
“Swaddling means snugly or tightly wrapping baby in a blanket. It keeps them feeling safe and secure”
I don’t understand- If loose blankets are increasing the incidents of SIDS, then then maybe we should Require babies to be wrapped tightly in a blanket.
“I don’t understand- If loose blankets are increasing the incidents of SIDS, then then maybe we should Require babies to be wrapped tightly in a blanket.”
Tight blankets and loose blankets are the same blanket plus the passage of time. However, no amount of time turns “no blanket” into a loose one.
Not swaddling an infant can lead to the child being miserable, which can lead to everyone nearby being miserable, too… which would seem to be the daycare’s problem, if anyone’s. (OK, the kids, too… but people lose their memories of being infants.)
The government sometimes needs to but out. Between common core which makes smart kids dumb. The food and fashion police on the lookout for anyone who doesn’t do things their way. And idiots who ether think meds are the cure all for kids needing to run around. And people who think they know more than parents on how to raise their own kids.
I don’t think Hilary Clinton was the first or only person to ever say “it takes a village”.
Ordering the book immediately.
This is exactly why I left teaching preschool and started being a private nanny.
I’ve said it here many times before:
We are creating a generation of kids who have no immune systems, no tolerance for pain or disappointment and no decision-making skills. We NEVER let them be…never leave them to themselves or their own thoughts for a second.
State licensing boards are a joke!
“(And look who wrote the forward!)”
*gasp* She’s a known criminal associate of America’s most wanted bad mom? Grab the pitchforks!
Makes me glad i didn’t put mine in daycare, as much as I wanted to work outside the home sometimes, it wasn’t worth it. There’s plenty of stupid rules in the school system though.
James, there is no 18 month old being swaddled in this story.
AGH! Sorry, that was Jacy who said that. The 18 month old was a different child from the one she wanted swaddled, at a different time.
Foreword. Forward is a direction, foreword is a brief writing (“word”) that comes beFORE the rest of the book. 🙂
“I don’t think Hilary Clinton was the first or only person to ever say ‘it takes a village'”
It is, in fact, a very old saying.
It’s also the short version of the title of a book written by Hillary.
In my experience, people who are against it (Republicans, generally) have not actually read it; the author is all they need to know about it.
Amusingly, the oriiginal proverb is, well, very small-town Republican.
Baby paramedic
Had the issue of leftovers just once with the school. My daughter loved to take leftovers. Homemade cheeseburgers in particular. Teacher called home and said she didn’t figure it was healthy or safe. After ripping her a new one for even touching my daughter’s food and another new one for insulting me there was no further issue.
Sometimes they just need to be put in their place.
Does it not occur to people that by seeking out a daycare that is licensed by the state, you are voluntarily submitting to the state’s rules? There are plenty of unlicenses home daycares out there. Use one of them instead.
“I know center vs family daycare is a personal thing, but my personal choice is a family daycare.”
Same here.
I had my friend who was a stay-at-home-mom watch my first two babies in her home. No weird regulations, just lots of love and attention. She did what worked for our kids (and hers) and didn’t need chapters of regulations to replace common sense.
When our kids went to preschool (in PA), we didn’t see any strange rules for several blissful years…until the school wanted to get accredited with the Keystone Stars. Then the staff had to wash every table with bleach after any food was served. Kids had to wash their hands so frequently that some got sores and broken skin. The school had acres of open space for the kids to explore (which they did daily), but under the new regulations, they were only allowed to play in age segregated fenced-in pens like farm animals.
So we switched schools and went to an old-fashioned church preschool with no credentials (and not our religion!). Best decision ever. No more OCD handwashing, my kids were given fresh baked cookies from little church ladies and loved every minute of it. There was also a garden that the children tended in the warmer months and they came home filthy and happy. Such a contrast to Bleach School!
The crazy part is that most of the daycare kids who spent their years at the regulated preschool all have either asthma or severe allergies or both. Too much handwashing and bleach? I have no idea, but I’m glad I followed my gut and found a better environment. I know some parents don’t have the choices I had, but I encourage those who aren’t happy with all of these regulations to speak up and find out what other options exist and fight the nonsense that is not making these kids any safer or happier.
I am an Early Childhood Educator, and a year ago I said, “ENOUGH!” I quit working at the daycare center I had been at for 9 years, and I opened my own private, unlicensed (but LEGAL) daycare.
I could not deal with the regulations, the policies, the ridiculous requirements anymore! Over the years, I came to expect the regular memos we would often see in the office.
“No more sharing play-dough. Play dough MUST be portioned and offered to individual children and not shared between children. One time use ONLY–immediately discard the used play dough.”
“Children can no longer do any baking, coking, or preparing food of any kind–UNLESS their food is thrown in the trash, and a new batch is prepared by a staff member, who has been properly certified in Food Safety.”
“School-aged children can no longer play on the schoolyard playground equipment, before or after school, or on school holidays when they are in the care of the daycare.”
—(So they can play on it during SCHOOL time, but not during DAYCARE time–the daycare is located on school property, but not otherwise affiliated with the school board. The reasoning behind this absurdity is “the daycare doesn’t inspect the playground equipment, and does not have the inspection reports, so we don’t know if it’s safe.”
“School-aged children may no longer go to the bathroom by themselves, or with a partner. ONLY A STAFF MEMBER can accompany a child to the bathroom, and wait outside.”
—(Even if the child is 12 years old. Even if their parents say it’s okay. Even though the before/after school program is located inside the school, which is locked up tight, and the daycare entrance is a coded entry door. Reasons given: SAFETY, OF COURSE! and to eliminate all possibilities of “inappropriate behaviour” between children.)
“The daycare will no longer be permitted to take the children on field trips to places with any type of animal on the premises.”
–(Reasons: SAFETY! And health–To avoid germs/illnesses, dirty animals in general, as well as any possibilities of animal bites, scratches, or other injuries. EVEN if there is no actual animal contact involved with the field trip activities. No more zoos, petting zoos, wildlife preserves, farms or dairies, not even the local pumpkin patch, due to their handful of farm animals.)
I couldn’t take it anymore! I already found it really hard to deal with the overly cautious rules about “dangerous play” like climbing, jumping off things, or standing/walking on any surface above ground-level. I’m now extremely happy with my new home daycare, where I allow kids to play like kids! They climb, jump, balance along narrow things, and even go outside barefoot! They go to the bathroom in privacy and even play out of my direct eyesight sometimes! Guess what? No one has been seriously injured or killed 😉 It’s my new mission to advocate for developmentally appropriate play (including risky play!) and common sense, EVIDENCE-based health/safety policies.
“There are plenty of unlicenses home daycares out there. Use one of them instead.”
Depends on where you live. Some states REQUIRE anyone watching unrelated children to be state licensed. In those places, the only way to get around the state license regulations would be if you could have your parent/in-laws or other relatives watch your children for you.
https://daycare.com/forms/LicensingThreshold.pdf
@ James- “Tight blankets and loose blankets are the same blanket plus the passage of time.”
Not so. In years past, thick comforters were the norm. It’s easy to see how they could be a suffocation hazard, and banning them makes sense. Swaddling with them would be impossible.
Swaddling blankets are thin, almost a gauze, and I would be very surprised if it was possible for a baby to suffocate from one. They are much larger than the old flannel receiving blankets and stay snugly wrapped very well. Banning these is dumb.
There are plenty of unlicenses home daycares out there. Use one of them instead.
That’s what we were fortunate enough to do. Someone who lives down the road but who originally lived in the Philippines and thus wasn’t overly “American-ized” had posted an ad on Craigslist about offering her services for babysitting. We placed our child in her care and the government stayed totally out of it. Not once did we have to go to the government and ask for their feedback on how we do things–as one example, she had a drop-side crib and when they were taken off the market, we were free to keep on using it as we saw fit.
More recently, a parent of a local school has offered her help for watching our children for a bit after school and she will let them run around in the yard playing with goats etc and she goes in and out periodically but she’s hardly watching directly over them 24/7. The government may not like it, but but the government isn’t party to these interactions and good that they aren’t.
“Swaddling blankets are thin, almost a gauze, and I would be very surprised if it was possible for a baby to suffocate from one. They are much larger than the old flannel receiving blankets and stay snugly wrapped very well. Banning these is dumb.”
Do you see where you went wrong? To allow our nation’s plucky daycare providers to use the right blankets and protect those poor helpless babies from the wrong blankets, we’re going to need a rule booklet that spells out which are the good ones and which are the bad ones. Since this is going to be done at the state level, it’ll have to be done 50 times, each time almost but not quite the same.
I wish I was surprised, but I’m not. There are so many nonsensical laws.
“There are so many nonsensical laws.”
See, I would counter that there aren’t any. We don’t make up laws just for fun… all rhinoceroses on public streets must be restrained by at least two chains! What happens is, there was once this rhinoceros in the circus parade, and it had only one chain keeping it from running loose, trampling and terrorizing citizens, and the chain broke, and people were trampled, and people were terrorized. Never again must circus-oriented animals be allowed to terrorize the citizens, you see.
The problem with law, of course, is human ingenuity. You start out with some simple, easy, absolute rule. Say… thou shalt not kill. And then some smartass in the back of the room pipes up and says “but what about…” or “yeah, but if…” and suddenly we have exceptions to our simple, easy, elegant rule, and it isn’t simple, easy, or elegant any more. Even though the rule was given directly from God to us, it turned out there were loopholes, and even in Old Testament times, it turned out that sometimes, under the right circumstances, the occasional smiting of people wasn’t a violation of the law. Over time, the complexity grows… people look at the rules, and they find new exceptions that never came up before. Or they look at the exceptions, and they find exceptions to the exceptions, and if you wait long enough, exceptions to the exceptions to the exceptions.
By Jesus’ day, this had become obvious. Jesus didn’t tell his followers what to do by just spelling it out for them, he told them stories and made them figure out what it was that he wanted them to do based on the stories. But even he had a smartass in the back of the room who entertained himself by asking “yeah, but…”. So Jesus is all “… and the moral of THAT story is…?” and the crowd is all “love thy neighbor as thyself” except for the one guy who then chimes in “yeah, but… who, exactly, is my neighbor? How am I supposed to know who I’m supposed to love as myself, and who it’s OK to smite?” but Jesus has been heckled before, and he goes “That reminds me of a story. There was this traveller who was waylaid…”
Long story short, Samaritans are people, too.
Jesus had two, count ’em, two, commandments. From that, you get the entire theology of the Catholic Church. By the time Martin Luther shows up, he’s formulated nearly a hundred “Yeah, but…” items of Catholic orthodoxy that he takes issue with.
It’s just inevitable. When clever people look at the law, they find holes and if they can’t find holes, sometimes they poke holes in the fabric. So then the law has to be patched to cover that particular hole. In all of history, we’ve never run out of clever people, and, despite the looming Trumpocalypse, it’s likely that we never will. As long as there are clever people poking holes in the fabric of the law, there will be a need to make newer, more complicated law to fix the holes.
@Jill R, that sounds like the most depressing daycare ever. Throwing away play-dough after one use? Tossing food the kids made – even though that’s one of the best ways to get kids to eat something they may not otherwise try – and no animals, ever? It makes me sad for all of those children.
The crazy, ever-increasing state regulations are a big reason that I closed my family home daycare of twelve years, and also why an alarming number of providers have been closing their doors in my state recently.
Just a year ago, home providers struggled to keep their spots filled. Calls from parents were few and far between. There were more daycares than care was needed. Now, providers have long waiting lists and many won’t add any more people to the full lists.
So many daycares have closed due to the over-regulations (which take away rights from both parents and providers) that parents are left with no other option than to leave their kids in unlicensed, unregulated care. Which is illegal, by the way. The state won’t even let law-abiding parents choose someone without a state license to care for their children.
The paperwork was burdensome to the point of getting in the way of actually taking care of the children. Many of the regulations went against other laws (fire codes, for example). The lawmakers are currently working on even more regulations, including ones that put both kids and adults in harm’s way. (Such as not allowing a provider to terminate care due to a violent child who injures others.)
Blankets and food from home are only the beginning. I don’t think parents understand all the intricacies involved or in how many ways their rights as parents are being stepped on. Just wait until you get to public schools, though. It isn’t any better. Many places require parents to drop their parental rights at the door once the child is on school property. Is it any wonder parents are choosing homeschooling by the droves?
@pentamom: “Foreword. Forward is a direction, foreword is a brief writing (“word”) that comes beFORE the rest of the book. ”
This is funny, because I wondered about that difference when I was quoting it.
Dutch has voorwoord, a very straight-foreword ( makes perfect sense 🙂
Speaking of this, does a (unswaddled) 3 month old who can roll need to be constantly placed back on their back when they roll over to their stomach to sleep?
Not to play into their hysteria, but they do make swaddle sacks that are “safe” – maybe have a couple on hand there and they can’t really refuse those? Not sure if links work on here, but go to Amazon and type in “swaddle sacks,” top result is 3 for $22. We use them for our baby, and we just got a 6-hour stretch out of our one-month-old last night. 😀