Shocking as it sounds, two parents recently entered a restaurant, placed their baby in his carrier in a booth, and proceeded to get their food from the buffet.
How dare they?
That’s what another patron thought, whipping out his weapon of choice, a cell phone. Here’s the video:
And so, reports She Knows:
…An Ohio couple is embroiled in controversy and being investigated by child services after a stranger at a local buffet recorded them leaving their baby sitting in his car seat while they went to grab their food.
The incident happened at a Chinese buffet near Sandusky, Ohio. The parents came into the restaurant with their baby still in his car seat. Rather than unbuckle him and try to juggle a baby and a plate, they opted to leave him strapped in and resting in the booth at their table while they quickly grabbed their meal. The mom says she had her eye on the baby the entire time, and he was never in any danger. But a man sitting near them saw the situation quite differently.
The nosy stranger whipped out his cellphone and immediately started recording the baby and muttering about how the mom left the child alone. He shared the video on his social media accounts, where it quickly amassed more than 4 million views and sparked a huge backlash against the parents.
The video has since been taken down, but now even the police are involved. They’re investigating the couple and trying to determine whether or not the baby was at risk.
Excuse me, officer, I can solve this.
The baby was not at risk.
Why does this even require “investigating”? These parents did not abandon their child in the Serengeti in a carrier made of beef jerky. They did not leave him at home for three days with nothing but a Zip-Loc bag of Cheerios dusted with heroin. They did not dangle their child from a balcony, nor sail him down the river in a basket of reeds. (I hope cops investigated THOSE parents.)
She Knows continues:
The parents had an eye on the kid — in fact, they claim the man who recorded their baby intentionally angled his phone to make it look like they were out of sight so the situation would appear worse than it actually was.
What’s fantastic is that it feels as if the tide may be turning against the blamers and shamers. The cop interviewed about this “incident” (and remember, “incident” means nothing actually happened) said: “Can we say because the parents walked out of the screenshot and left the child unattended in the booth that there was a significant risk of injury to that child? I’m not sure we can ‘What if?’ and say all these horrible things could have happened.”
Right on! He sounds like a Free-Ranger! He also sounds like the New Jersey Supreme Court. (See this story.) The only thing I’d add is that a child is NOT unattended when he is at the same restaurant as his parents.
Today, Minnesota Public Radio is doing a whole hour on the issue of parent shaming (9-10 a.m. Central Time). I’ll be on it, and I’ll be quoting She Knows and the cop. And maybe, for fun, the muttering videotaper. – L.
69 Comments
Don’t tell me, let me guess: the videographer was a young male who doesn’t have kids of his own. This particular segment seems to have a lot of time on their hands, and a phone at the ready. I bet most of them don’t really care about the child – they just see it as a way to get automatic attention and amass millions of views on social media. God, I wish these people would find a better (less harmful) hobby!
I meant to say “This particular segment of the population…”
I suspect you are correct, Vicki. If this person was genuinely concerned, they would have just given the video to the police or CPS, instead of posting it on social media. Unfortunately, this kind of nonsense gets a lot of attention.
My kids are way out of the car carrier stage, but we would typically have one of us stay in the booth with the child, while the other went up to get food. That being said, I don’t see that this couple did anything wrong at all. Most of these buffet places have the food in the middle of the restaurant, so these parents probably were able to see the child the entire time.
What people like the videotaper seem to be forgetting, is that if the child is actually in danger, there’s a WHOLE RESTAURANT full of people who could protect the child. Nobody would let a child actually come to harm because his parents are not there, right?
I really hope nothing comes of this other than an official sanctioning of parental choices that do not endanger children. And I mean REALLY endanger children. Not ones that someone just disagrees with.
I would love to ask the videographer here WHAT exactly he thinks will happen. Not “something could happen” but I want to know his honest to goodness list of things that are dangerous about this particular situation. How is the baby, strapped into the car seat, in any more danger than he himself is sitting across the way. The restaurant could catch fire? Sure – but then EVERYONE would be in danger and the baby would be in no less or more danger than if the parents were sitting right there. Someone could walk by and just pick up the kid? Possibly but highly, highly unlikely. Particularly since the parents were, despite his assertions, watching the whole time. I’m even having a difficult time coming up with possibilities in this case. I suppose someone could fall and crash into the glass room divide above the booths which would shower glass on the baby — which would happen whether or not a parent is there. Or drop their food and have it splash on the baby – again which wouldn’t be affected really by the parents’ presence.
The second half of this equation is that the police, CPS, and any other agency that becomes involved need to treat this situation for what it is: a non-incident – nothing happened, nothing to see here, everyone can go back to what they were doing!
My first sentence came out weirdly. I hope that all that comes out is an official blessing, for lack of a better term, from the governmental people (CPS, judges, cops) that you can make parental choices that differs from others but is not CRIMINAL just because they don’t align with your own.
Dingoes. Always be worried about the dingoes.
I bet the facebook comments on this video were things like:
“If they weren’t ready to give up hot meals for 18 years, they shouldn’t have had kids”
“They should have hired a babysitter to watch the baby while they got their food”
“I have 8 kids and they are never farther than 2 feet away from me at all times”
“Typical lazy parents eating food while their baby contentedly waits in an impact-resistant safety seat with a five point harness!”
“With an infitine universe and enough time, anything could have happened! Typewriter-wielding chimps could have read the baby Shakespeare! You can never be safe enough! Some other insipid platitude! I am expressing my moral outrage!”
Ugh, I used to do this all the time at Indian Buffets when our kids were little. We were regulars, so usually a waitperson would come and tickle the toes of the baby while we were piling our plates with butter chicken and saag paneer, but if that didn’t happen… well, the car seat is hard to lug around in a snatch and grab, and protects the kid in a car accident, if for some reason the table failed and the kid slipped off. I suppose maybe if there was a freak earthquake, or a tsunami from the nearby lake he might have been in danger, but man… those are not the things to plan for.
Lucky the parent shamer didn’t get caught up in another child-danger paranoia trend: That an excessive interest in other people’s kids is cause to presume pedophila.
“I suppose maybe if there was a freak earthquake, or a tsunami from the nearby lake he might have been in danger, but man… those are not the things to plan for.”
Not to mention that the (non-existent) Parental Proximity Superpower doesn’t actually protect a kid from a tsunami or an earthquake just by virtue of the parent being six inches away instead of 20 feet. 🙂
The what ifs? Like, I don’t know, what if some stranger takes a video of your child and uploads it to Facebook and the police get involved?
Is it me or is stranger danger alive and well? No, they might not steal your child but they might get the ball rolling on an investigation the end result of which could be you losing your child, spending thousands on legal fees and PTSD.
Sometimes I wish something like this would happen to me, my kids are 5 7 4, but then I realize what I would do if it did and I would feel bad if my kids had to grow up without me…
5 & 4 not 5 7 4
People are nuts. What, parents can’t be more than an arm’s reach of the child or the child is in extreme danger?
And who would steal that baby when the nut on the next table is recording the whole thing?
Has anyone noted the irony of the videographer claiming no one is watching the baby when, in fact, he is watching the baby and recording everything that’s happening? He’s better than a baby monitor. At least he could get up if something were happening.
What exactly could happen to this child while he is being videotaped?
“People are nuts. What, parents can’t be more than an arm’s reach of the child or the child is in extreme danger? ”
People are NOT nuts.
This took place in Ohio. I live in California.
If this was common enough, I wouldn’t be reading about an incident 2,000 miles away. I would be reading about a local incident.
Just like stranger abductions are rare enough that they are national news, this sort of annoying, snoopy, pointless shaming has to be pretty rare, too, or the incidents wouldn’t get national attention.
But the dude with the cell phone still needs to be scorned. And made fun of. And beaten with a stick. pour encourager les autres.
By this logic, you’re not allowed to get a snack from the kitchen while your kid is in the living room.
Vicki — actually the “videographer” stated that he would have stepped in and said something to the parents, except that he had recently been released from jail and thought the parents might call the police and he would be sent back.
Also, the same cop, I believe, was also quoted as saying that if the guy had called the police instead of filming the incident, they might have actually been able to investigate and see if a crime had actually been committed.
The police have launched an investigation if this is child endangerment???
Child services is investigating, too?
THIS.IS.NUTS.
Unless it’s an All-You-Can-Steal-Babies Buffet, how is getting up endangerment?
If I ran across the restaurant to catch a naughty toddler bolting for the claw machine, should I be investigated?
What a WASTE of resources.
This is an insult to the real victims of child abuse, who are being neglected and beaten while we start using Facebook Court to launch investigations on parents eating at a restaurant. They weren’t letting the baby suck on a bottle of hot sauce, they were getting food from a buffet!
What a difference in this story vs. the one of the waiter (a stranger!) giving a bottle to a baby so the parents could eat and enjoy their meal. That went viral, too, but for it’s kindness.
We need more kindness in this world. Not viral GOTCHA videos.
“Vicki — actually the “videographer” stated that he would have stepped in and said something to the parents, except that he had recently been released from jail and thought the parents might call the police and he would be sent back. ”
Which is just further indication of how nuts this guy is. He thought that if he said to the parents, “You shouldn’t leave your baby alone,” they would CALL THE POLICE?
Or else, was his list of possibilities limited to videoing the situation and sharing it on social media, or engaging in an abusive tirade that would get the cops called on him?
Either way, this is not the stellar, well-judging citizen who should be passing judgment on other people’s parenting.
If that restaurant is so dangerous that a kid can be snatched from the booth and dragged out in full view of all the other patrons, why is anyone eating there at all?
@Mark Roulo – “this sort of annoying, snoopy, pointless shaming has to be pretty rare, too, or the incidents wouldn’t get national attention. this kind of thing isn’t rare”
Unfortunately, the recording cell phone parent shaming thing isn’t rare. I wish it was though!
Oops, copy and paste got messed up, added to your original comment at the end.
We have seen several situations of people being in trouble for innocently photographing kids at play. This guy was videoing in a malcious manner, why doesn’t someone report him to the police…especially since he seems concerned about going back to jail.
Basically we have another “vigilante” here who jumped on the opportunity to be a hero and protect the children……sigh.
Strangers, friends, and, yes, even family are free (though they should not do so) to criticize, shame, call out, advise, counsel and suggest how to parent. Why? We are a free society. When a parent is given advise that the parent does not want or is criticized, that parent can ignore it, politely or rudely (or in between) reject it, or otherwise react in a manner that isn’t in itself illegal (violence, for example, not a good response to shaming).
What we MUST collectively battle is the misuse of the power of law enforcement, child protective services and courts when they intrude and infringe on the rights of parents to decide so long as the child is not hurt or in imminent danger from an identifiable actual unreasonable risk of significant harm (lest a skinned knee from a child running result in criminal charges or investigation).
Rights of parents, reasonable use of finite resources, and the harm done to children and their families from unnecessary and irresponsible investigations by CPS or criminal charges by law enforcement are all reasons to STOP the misuse of government’s powers. Push back every chance you get.
See the case of Susan Terrillion, the mother arrested and charged in August with “endangering the welfare of a child” when she left to get food to go. Under Delaware law, the statute requires that the children she left on their own (ages 8 1/2 and 9 1/2 who were not hurt and not at risk of being hurt) were “likely to suffer injury[.]” In Rehoboth Beach, children of all ages are riding bicycles without parents (and local laws only require them to wear helmets), K-5 students living within 1 mile of their schools are NOT given bus service, but must walk, ride bikes or have parents bring them, and none of those parents are ever stopped or questioned, much less charged with crimes. Rehoboth Beach’s Chamber of Commerce may not agree that a child without a parent nearby is “likely to suffer injury!” If that is the police department’s belief, it could hurt tourism.
David DeLugas, Executive Director, National Association of Parents
a 501(c)(3) member association
Preserving the parent-child relationship by protecting the rights of parents
Here’s the *nice* story about helping out new parents:
http://www.today.com/parents/kind-olive-garden-waiter-steps-help-baby-leaving-new-mom-t101243
We have many choices to make each day in our thoughts and actions, especially those involving strangers and those with babies.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”
~Dalai Lama
This is how babies get kidnapped. No reason for such risks, take your baby with you and put the carseat on the floor next to you if you need free hands. Safer than stepping away.
Z – that is not a valid or intelligent comment. You’re just feeding into the insanity!
“This is how babies get kidnapped. No reason for such risks, take your baby with you and put the carseat on the floor next to you if you need free hands. Safer than stepping away.”
This is how people trip over babies in car seats causing accidents or burning babies by spilling hot food on them….because their eyes are on the food at the buffet, not speed bump babies put as obstacles in the middle of a busy restaurant.
I bet the bus boy with the large tray of glass dishes being cleared appreciates your suggestion to leave random infant car seats on the ground…NOT!
Hey “Z”
Do you know what is safer than brining an infant to a steam table crowded with people trying to balance hot soup, hot coffee, hot food, and forks and knives? Leaving them at the booth in their carseat.
Do you know what is more dangerous than the almost imaginary threat of chain-buffet kidnappers? Hot liquids.
These parents made the right call.
I think “Z” might be a newcomer ’round these parts, just randomly trolling the interwebs looking for somewhere to drop a steaming pile of self-righteousness.
Z – Has to be a troll, since that sort of attitude goes against everything we stand for, or highly misinformed. Is there some sort of rampant baby stealing epidemic going on that we don’t know about? The “concerned” busybody who filmed this clearly knew who the parents were. Wouldn’t he have intervened of some other random person tried to make off with the carrier? You know, because those carriers are “so easy” to run with and no one else in the restaurant would have noticed something like that. Be logical, the odds of that baby being stolen, in that situation, are astronomical.
Last week I was at an Indian Buffet when an East Asian mom came in and strapped the one YO baby girl in a restaurant high chair and went to the buffet- out of sight- for a small plate of food. She returned promptly, placed the food in front of the baby, and headed back to get her own lunch, which took longer.
I was fascinated. The little one sampled several foods before grabbing a handful of rice which she ate neatly without making a mess.
It was only after Mom returned that she turned around and smiled at me.
Two young women a generation apart having lunch together.
Children aren’t helpless and they are not imbeciles. Nor are their mothers.
Give people the credit we deserve.
“If this person was genuinely concerned” – I think what everyone is missing is that this is a plea from the videographer. The only possible interpretation of his worrying about the situation, let alone the posting of the video, is is that he’s saying, “not only was I unable to help this infant if anyone or anything else was a problem for him, I was a threat to him myself, and I need help.” There’s an implied contract, usually made in a moment of eye contact, whenever a young social Mammal is left unattended in the presence of adults of the same species, that the other adults will look after the young one as needed. This videographer was saying he can’t fulfill his end of this contract, and asking for help.
With buffet baby snatching and the child endangerment of sitting quietly in a booth, why aren’t safety companies marketing infant carrier boots, ball and chains to seats, or clamp down contraptions that snare kidnappers taking home buffet babies like doggie bags?
I don’t know whether to be angry at the guy who took the video or feel sorry him. I could feel sorry … I mean, he has actually bought into the idea that you must be thisclose to your child at all times. I just wish I could talk to these people. Sometimes I do, if I somehow get into a random conversation with people which usually begins with something about how you just can’t be too careful these days. (Apparently there was some point in time in which you could be too careful and maybe if we’d have had iPhones then people could have caught you on camera and shamed you for being too careful.) But my son is 14 now so I don’t get a lot of this in my daily life, thank God, even if some think I’m crazy to let my son be home alone (oooooh).
Wow! Four whole minutes alone. The horror!!
Do parents sleep in shifts these days? Imagine not having at least one parent staring at their child at all times.
I don’t understand the mentality of the blamers/shamers. If I was the person sitting in the restaurant near the baby and saw the parents go up to the buffet, I’d just keep a casual eye on the baby to make sure he was fine until the parents got back. Would take no extra energy on my part and I would know the parents were right there in case something did happen. If people are really so concerned why don’t they just do that – keep an eye on the kid for a minute as an extra help? The parents were right there, in the same restaurant. I just don’t get it.
My husband, two friends and I were sitting outside at a cafe in Paris a few years ago, when we were asked by a caregiver (not sure if it was the mother or a nanny) to watch a sleeping baby in a stroller while she disappeared inside the cafe for at least 10 minutes. Needless to say, we were quite surprised by the request and the amount of time the caregiver was gone, but all turned out well for all concerned. It never once crossed our minds that we should start videotaping the baby, and/or flag down a police officer to “tattle” on the person. We chalked up the whole experience to it being a “European” thing, which was quite refreshing, in retrospect.
We need to be able to penalize people who post crap like this on facebook.
Seriously? 4 minutes, a happy wee baby is strapped in a car seat (safety tested to prevent damage in a high-speed crash), which he is incapable of climbing out of and which is positioned where it cannot possibly fall, in a restaurant full of people (plenty of air there, probably not overheating like a hot car), with the parents in the same room? The parents committed the sin of getting some food for 4 minutes?
The poster needs to see a psychiatrist. He should be locked up – obviously he is a danger to himself and others.
What does he think all of America’s wee babies are doing while their moms are fixing their meals, or going to the bathroom, or (gasp) sleeping?
How did the news people decide that this deserved to be on the news?
Why are the cops and children’s services investigating?
PS how the hell else are parents of babies supposed to get food at a buffet?
I Love It!
“Can we say because the parents walked out of the screenshot and left the child unattended in the booth that there was a significant risk of injury to that child? I’m not sure we can ‘What if?’ and say all these horrible things could have happened.”
Things are changing. The phone bullies are losing power. They have to find another sick hobby like drowning kittens or something.
If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.
Has anyone noticed that we have a child here who doesn’t seem to have separation anxiety? That’s a good thing. I could not have done that with my daughter because she would have disturbed the entire restaurant crying.
I agree that the tide is absolutely turning. Everyone I know (wealthy suburban helicopter parents ) are horrified by the videos– not by the behavior of the parents, but by the video taping and shaming.
I leave my purse in the booth when I go to the buffet, and my purse is much more likely to get stolen than a child.
Wow, when did restaurants become danger zones in which children must be attached to their parents at every moment? What’s next, will someone film a child heading to a restaurant’s restroom solo and accuse the parent of neglect because the parent actually has the nerve to believe the child is competent enough and safe enough to take a pee by him/herself? I appreciate the police officer’s tone regarding the futility of looking at the ‘what ifs.’ I am however disappointed that CPS finds this nuisance issue worthy of investigation. There are truly too many children and families at real risk to waste resources in this manner. Finally, I am appalled that anyone would treat parents of a new baby with such a lack of compassion. For those of us who are parents we know this is an exhausting and vulnerable time. If the man taking the video really felt the baby was in danger why not offer to help?
With a baby strapped in to a carseat, sitting well to the back of the booth, and the parents at the buffet keeping an eye on it just as they would a purse, the child is not in danger.
It’s actually a pet peeve of mine that people treat infants like baggage and just leave them lying around. In a sling or carrier on a parent’s person is a much better place for a baby while you are in a restaurant dining. However, that is not because the situation of a baby in a carseat is physically unsafe. And, with a baby in a sling someone else would complain that they got the baby near the hot food trays. Mostly people resent parents having the audacity to take babies into public places.
Whether the child is safe or not has nothing to do with it. If there is an opportunity to get facebook likes, that takes priority. So what if it puts the parents through hell! All I care about is myself.
Snark over
OT but I just went to my son’s high school soccer game and cut through a neighborhood to save time. I was driving under the speed limit, but as I came upon the busy road the school is on, I saw a toddler running towards that road! There was a man at his mailbox who waved at my car but it looked like the boy was running after the car in front of me, so I went ahead to block the boy with my car from entering the roadway…he would have been hit by a car for sure.
The man grabbed him and said thank you and I tried to reassure him that kids are crazy when the man said it wasn’t his son….it was his neighbor’s! He was just getting his mail! Holy smokes, kids are nuts. He walked him home to the neighbor’s house. God bless good Samaritans!
Those of you who are saying “I would just keep an eye on the baby til the parents got back”….what are you expecting to happen? Do you live somewhere where kidnappers grab a table at the local buffet hoping that they’ll have an opportunity to ply their trade?
I mentioned this to a friend of mine. Her reaction: “couldn’t they have taken turns going to the buffet?” SHEEESH yes they COULD but why SHOULD they? I guess they will next time, but not for the right reasons!
Then my other friend said, “see, this is why you shouldn’t let your kids walk down the street, someone could take a video and call the cops.” She was dead serious. My kids are in 5th grade.
I am SO sick of this crap.
If this had happened in an Italian restaurnt it wouldn’t be so disturbing, but since it happened in a Chinese restaurant CPS naturally feel compelled to investigate.
Wait! This happened in a town called Sandusky? As in Jerry? Of course the baby is at risk!
Earlier this summer, I sent my 6 and 3 year old to the bathroom in a restaurant together rather than drag a wild toddler along for the trip. I could only see them until they got to the door of the restroom. They stayed together and the 6 year old even helped the 3 year old reach the sink. This guy probably thinks I should have gone to jail.
This is crazy but i agree if the parents are within eyesight its not leaving them
I would like to ask the asshole who recorded this video: If you saw someone other than the parents walk off with the kid, would you have just stood there, continuing to film a kidnapping? I the answer is yes, well, that just speaks to the type of person you are. If the answer is no, then congratulations, you are the same type of human being as 99.99% of the people in this world are and one of the biggest reasons why this child was not in any danger.
just as a point of fact… Alanna, it’s not a sign of a health for children of certain ages not to have separation anxiety. while personalities certainly come into play, an appropriately attached child *will* go through periods of separation anxiety (some more or less extreme in intensity and length). while not 100% a child who never has separation anxiety is a possible marker for ASD, RAD, and other concerns.
to be clear I’m not arguing that *this* child has any issues at all since separation anxiety is often episodic. but I did want to address your point that lack of it indicated some level of health.
“just as a point of fact… Alanna, it’s not a sign of a health for children of certain ages not to have separation anxiety.”
This baby looks too young for separation anxiety, anyway, as far as I can tell. That’s not actually a thing for the first few months of life; it seldom begins before around 8 months.
The guy taking the video was swearing in public (because there was a beep in the video).
Isn’t it worse than leaving the baby unattended?
I’ve noticed that these busybodies very often don’t mind their language when recording this sort of “crimes”.
Of course the child was not in any danger, what with the strange man at the neighboring table keeping a watchful eye on the situation.
Yes, I hope the tide is turning. I saw this posted on Scary Mommy about a week ago, under the headline:
“It Takes a Village. Too Bad the Village is Just a Bunch of Judgy A-Holes Now.”
That headline summed up my sentiments exactly!
http://www.scarymommy.com/parents-leave-baby-in-booth-buffet-restaurant/
Thank goodness you couldn’t take video with cell phones when my daughter was a baby! I’m a single mom and left her(within eye shot) to pick up food from a counter, to get my food at the buffet, and often times to place the order. Those car seat carriers are heavy. How was I suppose to juggle my food and a heavy car seat carrier? I was able to see her the entire time. Now that she’s 10, she goes and orders and gets the food herself. Once the cashier actually asked her if she needed someone to walk her back to the table. She said, “No, I got this”. Heaven forbid she take 10 steps without a grown up escorting her.
Makes me want to spit in the videographers face.
I have done this exact thing when my daughter was an infant. If anyone tried to take her, I was 2 seconds away. Not only that, there were plenty of other patrons in the restaurant. I doubt all of them would sit there and watch someone else come up and take my child.
Since when does the law say you must be within arm’s reach of you child at all times?
Even now, a few years later, I would be more comfortable doing the same thing with my 4th child. I trust in the extremely unlikely event that someone would try to pick up his car seat, I could reach him from 20 feet away, or another patron would intervene. Yet 100 times more fearful that some busybody with no sense of actual risk would intervene and turn my life upside down with a report to child services.
The child was not at risk. A good example of nothing serious blown out of proportion.
In fact, I venture to say that the parents are above average in raising their child. A parent who is paranoid enough to not let their baby alone for a bit (within eye sight) is going to smother any sense of independance the baby so desperatly will want as it becomes able to crawl…
I’ve balanced babies on my hip while getting food at a buffet. I’ve waited with them at the table while my husband got his food. Depending on the layout of the restaurant, I think quickly getting food while in eyesight of the baby would be absolutely fine. (As opposed to standing in a long line to get Mongolian cooked — then I’d leave an older sibling in charge of my food and get back to the table.)
On the crazy chance that someone other than a well-meaning good Samaratin tried to pick up the baby from the next table (someone tried to remove my sleeping newborn from my car once while I walked an older sibling to the door instead of letting her cross the dark parking lot in a black karate uniform), HOW would those nearby know that it wasn’t Grandma or Auntie or Grandpa? If buffet baby snatchers exist, which I doubt, I don’t think they’re wearing hockey masks and wielding chainsaws.
But I don’t believe in buffet baby snatchers.
Doies that state have an invasion of privacy law?