Recall that last week I got a note from a dad who had just dropped his wife off at college when he realized: She still had the apartment keys! So he turned the car around, went back to the school and let his kids, 2 and 4, wait in the car while he ran in.
It was 47 degrees out. The kids were safe and warm and buckled in. He got the house keys and came back 10 minutes later to find two college employees standing next to his car, glaring.
They told him they were reporting him to the authorities. And sure enough, after he’d gotten home, the doorbell rang. It was the police. They handcuffed him. Took him down to the station. Had him sit in jail for two hours while they “processed” his case. Now he is facing charges of “child neglect in the second degree” — even though his state defines neglect as leaving a child “unattended in or at any place for such period of time as may be likely to endanger the health or welfare of such child.”
Just as I’m about to throw in the towel — how can we be so cruel and so crazy when it comes to pseudo danger? — along comes this spot for the VW Pasasat. The reader who sent it in noted that:
At the end, the dad would have to leave the sleeping kids in the car while he gets milk as requested by his wife. I’m not sure if VW is consciously saying that is OK, but I often left my sleeping kids in a locked car outside a convenience store to grab milk or other late night needs when they were younger than the kids shown in the commercial.
Is it that VW, being German, innately understands that kids can have a few unsupervised minutes without the world coming to an end? The German high school exchange student we have living with us this year remembers being age three or four when he was first allowed to go get rolls on Sunday mornings, by himself.
So kudos to VW and/or their ad agency. I know VW is dealing with some other issues, but on the “modeling social sanity” front, they are wunderbar. – L.
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46 Comments
“Is it that VW, being German, innately understands that kids can have a few unsupervised minutes without the world coming to an end? The German high school exchange student we have living with us this year remembers being age three or four when he was first allowed to go get rolls on Sunday mornings, by himself.”
Maybe a rewrite of that wonderful German song “Die Gedanken sind frei”?
Die Kinder sind frei!
I want a car with Artificial Intelligence that can tell people to “go away” and “mind your own business” whenever they peer into the windows. It would be a wonderful safety enhancement, mainly for the safety of others, and very much on par with a car that sends text messages on your behalf.
As to the interpretation of this commercial, I think you’re supplying details that aren’t there. You’re seeing “of course he left the kids sleeping while he went for milk.” because that’s what you’d do. But A) there’s no sign he actually brings home any milk, and B) nothing that says he didn’t wake ’em up.
Just as well… about now an endorsement from VW is no endorsement at all.
I agree with James. There is nothing in commercial that would suggest that dad goes on to buy the milk right now or that he leaves kids in the car while buying it. He might as well decide that it is too late and kids are sleeping, so he will come home and explain. Or wake up the kids or the kids will wake up by themselves when the car stops. They are big already, not babies. Big kids tend to wake up when the car stops.
Eh, I think his reaction indicates that he intends to do something about it. It could go either way.
The fact that he asks if he can do something, actually, assumes that he doesn’t feel that he is able to do nothing but drive straight home and put the kids to bed.
I wonder if the driver’s wife appreciated the “protection” the state provided when she had to cut class to pick up her kids after her husband was jailed.
All of these notions of proper child care are predicated on the assumption that all parents have oodles of time and tons of resources, and aren’t, you know, working jobs, attending classes, and seeing to the other hundred things that are part of adulthood. This means that poor parents, single parents, or other non-privileged parents are more likely to be judged as neglectful. Is that the kind of model of neglect we really want to establish?
@Neil M For that matter, even privileged rich women will find it hard to do everything she is supposed to do if she is a bit competitive or have ambitions/interests that are not kids related. That might be also contribute to over-parenting too – someone who stayed with kids trying to coming up with additional work to do so that she feels/look useful and does not feel/look iddle/lazy.
This one makes me laugh EVERY TIME I see it. Interestingly, ALSO a VW ad.
https://youtu.be/-8zFGSWWeA4
I would never leave a 2 & 4 year old in a car alone, no matter what the temperature was or if the car was locked. The commercial is showing boys who are 8-10 years old & the commercial never even shows them being left alone. It’s a pain taking small children out of car seats & putting them in strollers. We’ve all been through this…My son stayed at nursery school for 8+ hours a day while I worked. I ordered food on-line and everything else from Target.com and Amazon. That way, I didn’t have to take a baby or toddler out of the house unless necessary. I think that the Dad was afraid of crying toddlers if he moved them so he took the easy way out and left them in the car.
If his colleagues were decent human beings, they would warn him when he returned that other people might report him to the police.
If they are heartless expletives, they will call the police. These are the actions of someone in a police state.
Horrific.
In Canada, there is a law,-saying that it is a crime to FAIL-to report when a child is being abused.
-Here should be another crime, it is an offense for a child NOT to report to the authorities when an ADULT is FALSELY accused of abusing a child
Eh… The ad ended well before he made any decision… ??
I think most German (and other European) high school exchange students who come over here are shocked to find out that American teens are treated like ten-year-olds.
@Jason: There are probably forums for people from European countries who currently live in the USA… I guess those must be filled with this sort of observation.
Susan, not everyone can be as perfect as you think you are. And some people think that their kids are perfectly able to remain in the car without incident during a short errand.
Well, Susan, unless you’re here to educate yourself about becoming a less paranoid, more free range parent, you’re on the wrong website. Most, if not all, of us here subscribe to the idea that our children are not in immediate danger the second we take our eyes off them. A child is much safer being left in the car for a few minutes instead of being taken across a parking lot, where there are many more dangers, mostly from other cars.
The day I structure my life to never have to leave the house with my kids is the day I’ll know I’m doing it..well, I won’t say all wrong, but I’ll know that there’s got to be a better way.
Here in Belgium (and it is the same in Germany – next door 🙂 ) nobody would look twice if you let your kids in the car for a couple of minutes to run an errand. Or sure, they may stay with the car just in case there’s something wrong (if they have the time to do that), but NOBODY would call the police! Really, that’s just… unthinkable here in Western Europe.
give us the DA’s mailing address and start a letter campaign. The DA has the authority to drop charges if it does not meet the standard of the law as it was intended. It is in fact their duty to use public resources for taking cases to trial accordingly and not to waste resources where the law and arrest were not appropriately applied. They do it all the time. The DA is also an elected official so knowing what their constituents feel matters.
Susan, I was charged for something similar to this father. I have many friends who also do as you do, though when presssed there are exceptions, But they do not impose that choice on me or others and see that everyones scenario is different moment to moment. They also recognize they are surrounded by options that allow them to give that much vigilance to their kids. Spouses, finances ( our town doesn’t even offer delivery aside from pizza-which my daughter hates), spacious, ground level home? . Let me ask when you say never. Does that mean in your driveway while you unload the car, they stay where?? At the grocery store parking lot while you return the cart, where are your kids, walking hand in hand??? Never implies that your life can fit that scenario. You would never be able to wear my shoes. Single parent who lives and works in a lovely neighborhood, where I climb icy stairs in winter to get inside and out of home and office. I can not carry bags and my child simultaneously. She always stayed either in the car seat, or in her crib, while I passed back and forth to do the essential tasks of providing her a lovely, safe happy life. I stand by all of the instances I have left her alone, completely in the realm of normal parental decisions taking in the needs and circumstances of the moment.
Susan,
Does your holierthanthou rant make you feel better?
Hell, I have taken my kids when they were months old to pick up pizza, chinese or other take-out. Let them sleep in the truck. Have gone in and been told my order wouldn’t be ready for x amount of minutes, so I would go back and sit in the truck. Then when time was up, I would go back in. Since we have three kids, and we love our sweet and sour, it is probably over a hundred times this was done, before the kids were 2 yrs old.
Never had a problem. As a matter of fact the Chinese joint always through in a free chocolate milk for the kid with me.
Susan, it is Zeks like you who make it easier for the Nanny Nazis to terrorize the rest of us.
Let’s not pile on anyone here. When my older kids were 4 and 2, I couldn’t imagine leaving them in the car for more than 10 seconds, either. I suppose it was a combination of things, not least of which was that my kids were very impulsive and I wouldn’t think they’d stay there if they got it in their heads to get out. In the last couple of years, we have realized that we have stunted their growth in some ways. We look for opportunities for them to be more resourceful and independent now.
Every child and family is different. I hope that for anyone who visits this site and contributes, that is their take-away and if they come across a situation that feels or looks a bit “dangerous” or reckless to them, that they first think, “How can I help and support this child/family?” and not, “Let’s call the authorities because I don’t know what’s going on.”
Volkswagon being a car company of course wants to promote car centered culture. There is nothing more too it (unless this site has started taking on corporate sponsorship?)
I really also would like to know why this site has gone from a site promoting kids walking, going to parks, playing outside, taking a subway, and more to a site that is obsessed with leaving kids in cars.
@Susan
I agree with you. It is like there is some race to the bottom to see who can leave there kids in the car at the youngest age. At those ages my grandparents left my dad and his brother alone. His brother pulled the parking break and my dad was behind the car and would have been run over if there wasn’t an adult near by to get him out of the way. Anyway the free range movement is getting kind of sad in my opinion. It’s like it has turned from empowering kids to do age appropriate things and not confining your kids childhood to an oversized gas guzzling tank, into the lazy selfish parents movement.
Susan and Katie, I think you’re both missing the point here, that being the bigger picture of what this story is about. Specifically, it is about not persecuting and prosecuting parents for making informed decisions about how they want to raise their own children. It just so happens that we live in a very car-centric society at the moment, and leaving children in the car has become a significant parenting issue, which has opened up the floodgates for unhelpful busybodies to make themselves feel like heroes. If these people truly wanted to show they care about the safety of children, they would deal with the parents themselves, instead of resorting to making anonymous phone calls to the authorities, thus really causing harm to these kids and their parents (and therein lies the irony of the whole situation).
“we live in a very car-centric society at the moment”
I’m not sure what you are referencing by society. I don’t live in a place that is car centric (although we still get stupid policies the car centric based on idiots in local, state and fed gov). Where I live it is just as common if not more common to walk/take public transit to a store than to drive. As for calling the authorities are people really supposed to sit around and wait until the parent comes out to then have to deal with them. And from the way certain people act I don’t blame people for calling the authorities (for there own safety) rather than getting into a confrontation with a potential crazy. And what if it’s a hot day and the kid had been in the car for hours because the parent forgot them? That happened where I live and the kid died.
The problem is that people disagree about things, so each side tries to get support for an absolute that favors their opinion.
Think that kids shouldn’t be left alone in cars as often as they are? Try to get a law passed that says “children must NEVER be left in cars”.
Think that parents shouldn’t have their parental decisions second-guessed as often as they are? Try to get a law passed that says “Parental decisions must NEVER be challenged.
But… absolutes don’t work in the real world. Even rules like “Never intentionally kill another human being” and “Never set fire to someone else’s house” have exceptions, in the real world.
Personally, I probably wouldn’t leave my kid (or, eventually, grandkid(s)) in the car alone as frequently or as long as some other commenters say they do (or will). But I also (mostly) don’t like having my parental authority questioned, either.
>>Susan,
Does your holierthanthou rant make you feel better?
Hell, I have taken my kids when they were months old to pick up pizza, chinese or other take-out. Let them sleep in the truck. Have gone in and been told my order wouldn’t be ready for x amount of minutes, so I would go back and sit in the truck. Then when time was up, I would go back in. Since we have three kids, and we love our sweet and sour, it is probably over a hundred times this was done, before the kids were 2 yrs old.
Never had a problem. As a matter of fact the Chinese joint always through in a free chocolate milk for the kid with me.<<
Warren, that sounds really nice, and as for Susan, I wouldn't mind her; a lot of people like to troll this site. Also, about what Susan said before about "not taking a baby or toddler out of the house if she could help it," I don't think that's good for the child either. Sometimes, the child is the reason for the outing–and, I'm not even just talking about obvious things like school and medical appointments, but I also mean things like taking kids to the library, the museum, a concert, a playground that might not be within walking distance, the swimming pool, and so on, and so forth. It'd be completely unrealistic for these outings to come without detours–the car needs gas, or one of the kids has to go to the bathroom en route while the other one is asleep, or doesn't want to get out of the car for some reason, or the adult in charge needs to return library books along the way. In fact, it'd be entirely possible for all three things (and more) to happen on the same outing.
Anyway, in some of these cases, the adult and the child in the car might have to be outside one and other's immediate visual range–let's say there's no pay-at-the-pump option at the gas station, or it's not working that day, or there's no parking within sight of the drop box at the library. However, in most cases, you can run in and out in a few minutes, and even if it takes a bit longer, the child in the car is strapped in, possibly locked in, with instructions not to get out. Most people who want to steal cars, just want to steal the car, and not kidnap a child in the process.
So, since car-jackings happen much more frequently than kidnappings, the more "logical" paranoid response (deliberate oxymoron here) would be to set up the world so that people never leave their cars when they're out. It works for some things, to some degree (for example, you can get a hamburger at a drive-thru restaurant, but not a quality meal, and you can make a deposit or a withdrawal at a drive-thru window at a bank, but you can't open a mutual fund from your car), but anyway, that's not the point. If we live our lives constantly afraid of what COULD happen, and what horrible things people COULD do to us, then the kidnappers and car-jackers will win, before they even do anything, because they're calling the shots by keeping us inside our houses, inside our cars, and children tethered to their adult guardians until they reach the age of adulthood themselves.
@Katie, I am genuinely interested in your thoughts on kids in cars. Why shouldn’t a baby, toddler or preschooler wait in the car for a few minutes during a short errand on a mild or cool day? I really don’t get why it would be a problem. The whole taboo of this is just so foreign to me. My kids have waited during short errands tons of times and I’ve never had a problem, if anything the’ve developed some more patience as a result. Why do so many people have a problem with this?
Katie,
Had your grandfather parked the car properly simply releasing the brake would have done nothing. Secondly, cars are not the same now 40 years later. Then again with your OCD hatred of vehicles, who really cares what you think or do. And again, was going to walk down to get coffee, but now, just for you, am going to fire up my diesel, let it warm up, and then sit in the drive thru at the Tim Hortons. Thanks.
Katie,
“As for calling the authorities are people really supposed to sit around and wait until the parent comes out to then have to deal with them. And from the way certain people act I don’t blame people for calling the authorities (for there own safety) rather than getting into a confrontation with a potential crazy. And what if it’s a hot day and the kid had been in the car for hours because the parent forgot them? That happened where I live and the kid died.”
How do you know it hasn’t been for hours? How many people do you know that spend hours paying for gas, or in a corner store? You’re a fool. And if you confront a parent that let their kids wait in the car, then you started the confrontation and beware, because I know some moms that wouldn’t hesitate to put you on your mouthy butt. How about you just mind your own business, keep your mouth shut and go away. Then you have no problems.
The best part about this commercial is the use of the Kiss song “Beth”.
Awesome!
As for this debate about the deadliness and carelessness of leaving sleeping young children in a car to run a short errand, I want to know what is statistical basis for this viewpoint and apparent bad outcome vs. the risk of being struck by a car or truck crossing a dark parking lot with cranky kids in tow. The higher danger to these children is being dragged across the parking lot. Go look up the statistics.
Cars do not automatically turn into Easy Bake Oven Death Chambers when children are placed inside. Like the Easy Bake Oven, where food is heated with a lightbulb (what a sucky toy that is, btw) and a few minutes on a cool night will not cook your toddlers. Weather, time of day, briefness of errand, and the children’s own comfort level with being left alone. I sit alone in the car all the time and actually enjoy it as did my kids on short errands. Thank heavens for tinted windows.
@Katie, please find a support group for SUV Haters Anonymous.
“I really also would like to know why this site has gone from a site promoting kids walking, going to parks, playing outside, taking a subway, and more to a site that is obsessed with leaving kids in cars.”
Are you really calling Lenore obsessed with cars? I could play a drinking game for how long it takes for Katie to start hating on gas guzzlers but it’s too early to drink so I will treat myself to some Girls Scout Cookies instead. I’m almost finished a sleeve of Thin Mints for the anti-car, gas guzzler, lazy parents who drive everywhere comments you continue to make. In the proverbial words of Anna from Frozen, Let It Go…
lollipop,
I would love to have Katie confront me in a parking lot for letting my dogs and kids wait in the Pontiac. I would do the Tom Cruise thing, and rev the engine pretending not to be able to hear her. Bet that would send her blood pressure soaring.
” I am genuinely interested in your thoughts on kids in cars. Why shouldn’t a baby, toddler or preschooler wait in the car for a few minutes during a short errand on a mild or cool day?”
One possible answer is that neither the parent nor the child should be in the car for a short errand on a mild or cool day. Walking is good for you AND the child. Well, OK, not the baby. But people who can walk.
“In the proverbial words of Anna from Frozen, Let It Go”
That’s Elsa’s song. Anna’s is “Do you wanna build a snowman?”
Four-year-olds everywhere will scold you for not being able to tell them apart.
“since car-jackings happen much more frequently than kidnappings, the more “logical” paranoid response (deliberate oxymoron here) would be to set up the world so that people never leave their cars when they’re out. ”
But… if the bad guys steal your car and total it, the insurance company buys you a new one.
@Papilio – I couldn’t say, but that seems possible. Post some links if you can find ’em……
“But… if the bad guys steal your car and total it, the insurance company buys you a new one.”
But if the bad guys take your kid, that is a lifetime of food, clothing, college and other expenses that total up to buying yourself a Bentley or whatever car you want.
But in Europe its different. Parents expect their kids to eat what they eat, even liver or blood sausage! But Dad could be getting drive thru milk. But of course, the paranoid thought police go right to ‘911KIDS’…
Richard,
My kids eat the same meal as we do. Including moose, moose liver, moose heart and whatever else I cook, because this ain’t no restaurant.
I’ve been seeing those VW ads a lot lately.
When I first saw the one Lenore was sharing, I was unsure whether or not the dad got milk while the kids were still sleeping in the car. But then when I compare it to the one Aimee linked (with kids staying in the car while their dad does something), I believe probably the dad in the first ad would leave those kids in the car as well if they didn’t wake up or just didn’t want to go in with him.
My favorite commercial right now is the one where the dad leaves his two sons in the car while he goes into a store to do something. The commercial is about the cars voice activated texting system. So of course, the two boys get on the system and text their “mom”, telling her how good her sons have been and how they deserve a new bike, a new phone, etc. She responds with “they’re your kids, do what you want.” Dad gets back in the car and asks why they were texting their grandmother.
http://www.ispot.tv/ad/AnZ7/2016-volkswagen-passat-app-connect
Unlike the other Passat commercial, I’d say that there is no ambiguity in this ad.
“But in Europe its different. Parents expect their kids to eat what they eat, even liver or blood sausage!”
Well, I don’t eat liver or blood sausage, but I’ve always expected my kids to eat what I eat. I don’t necessarily expect them to like everything people with more mature tastes like, but I don’t cook special. I might tone down the spices or make an extra side if they really hate something, but I don’t do special order.
What’s different in Europe (and the rest of the world) is that very few people *don’t* expect their kids to eat what they eat. But lots of North Americans feel the same.
What’s wrong with liver sausage? I’ve been eating that on a slice of bread all my life… Really not the #1 food kids will object to!
We are currently living in Germany for one year, and it is so refreshing! Kids as young as six go to and from school by themselves or in pairs (definitely by the time a child is 9 or 10 they aren’t being brought to/from school by a parent), and they wait in cars while their parents run a quick errand. While we miss the US and will be happy to be back, this is the aspect of Germany that I will miss most.