Would You Like Some Cyber-Candy, Little Girl?

My 8 and 7 year olds don’t spend any time online. But not because I think there are predators around every corner. It’s because they need real experiences, movement, experimentation, and exercise. They don’t need to learn that the only way to interact with others is via a keyboard. Maybe online predator paranoia will have the benefit of getting some parents to kick their kids back outside.

BMS,

Ah, we can only hope for positive side-effects sometimes!

When we have children, we’re going to do the same thing my parents did with the computer: keep it in a public area so that we can see what’s going on. My parents’ issues had more to do with how much time was spent playing games, but I think the method is still sound.

Yes, I know that there are additional challenges here with wifi and new portable devices. I’ll bet we still come up with a solution.

The biggest computer risk my 8 year old faces is that his little brother will punch him if he plays Sim City too long and doesn’t share…

The american oligarchy (the people behind the Bush/Clinton/Bush/Obama regimes) desparately want to censor the internet to stop those pesky bloggers from exposing their crimes, ie: the truth about 911 and other things. They especially don’t want us reading foreign news on the internet.

Of course, they can’t TELL US that so they will have to use a cover story to get the internet censored. And child exploitation will probably be what they use. They will say “oh God, we MUST protect the CHILDREN!” and then tell all kinds of horrible stories about abducted kids.

This was tried in Australia recently and when the blacklist was leaked/exposed it was full of political websites.

As a child of the internet generation I can tell you there were some pretty shady situations I encountered online while in elementary school. Never anything that was anywhere near translating into real world situations. But definitely things looking back on that I now realize we very much not okay things for little elementary school me to be experiencing.
I like the free range kids thing a lot. I was pretty restricted in my activities as a kid. Which caused me to spend more time on the internet. I think in a lot of ways the internet is more dangerous than if I’d been allowed to walk to friends houses.
When I have kids I want to be less restrictive than my parents were in the real world, but in the cyber world I want to supervise them much more than I was.

I actually think the internet is safer now than when it first “came out” because there is so much more we know to protect ourselves. I was in the 8th grade when my best friend got AOL and we would chat in chat rooms and we gave her home phone number to some person. We were young and silly and curious. That was it – but the person was an adult and called and asked us some gross questions – we hung up, scared straight! Now, we know to not talk to random people online and give them our phone numbers and addresses. And I’ll tell my kids that, too.

I love (LOVE) when Dateline does the online predator shows. If you are dumb enough to show up to have sex with a 13 year old, you should have your face all over the TV.

But I do think the media misrepresents the danger. One fact is never acknowledged: kids who tragically fall prey to these horrible perverts are kids who are venerable for reasons other than having a Facebook page.

A kid of 13 or 15 who doesn’t have the self protection skills to blacklist contacts who seek to meet them in person without their parents is going to get into trouble in the real world. A girl who is so starved for attention is as likely to let her same age boyfriend have sex without protection, end up knocked up. A boy could join a gang as easily as fall pray to an online pervert.

A teen with reasonable family life and self esteem isn’t likely to end up lured by one of the one’s Dateline misses. They are going to hit the “ignore” button and go on with their lives without a second thought.

So instead of worrying about who is out in cyberspace, a parent should worry about raising kids who will protect themselves from harm.

I worry a lot more about cyber-bullying–kids behaving badly online–than I do about online predators. My son and I talk a lot about how to handle insults and snark, along with the fact that online information often can take on a life of its own.

PBS Frontline has a great series, Growing Up Online, that looks at how the internet is transforming childhood.

tina kubala – i think you are totally right. i’m very anti media hysteria BUT i’m a social worker and i know from experience that online comms add another dimension of risk to already vulnerable young people, a big one.

There are a lot of problems that are brought up with this argument.
1) What is or What should be age of consent? There have been cases where the 16-17 year old actually persued the older person (19-20ish) and the older person went to jail. Age of consent is a hard debate because how can we as people who either have or plan to have free range children say “its ok for you to do X at age Y” but then say “Don’t do Z at age Y” when Z is what they are biologically inclined to do. I am not trying to defend a predator by saying that “the kid was asking for it” but what about the case where the kid (and by kid I hope I mean teen) is actually the pursuer.

2) How about the issue of putting people in jail for intent. That leads to Thought Police. If you bump me on the subway and my coffee spills and the thought crosses my mind to punch you in the face (I may have anger issues), could I be brought up on charges of Thought Assault? Actions are Crimes, thoughts are not. When a police officer is online pretending to be a child and talking to a “predator” the trick is that they are not actually a predator until they have assualted/abducted/raped/killed or done whatever. If you kid goes and meets the predator and they just have a cup of coffee at a starbucks and then go their own way, where is the crime?

3) What is a Cyber-Predator? I am assuming it means someone who trolls the internet, finds someone, meets them in real life and takes advantage of them. That is really no different in my opinion than the predator in the park or by the school or anywhere who first entices a kid by any other means. This is about the Media making up evil sounding terminology that makes people afraid because it is a term they are not used to and to many people fear the unknown. I feel that the panic created by the media would have been less had they simply said “Predators are using the internet as a means to meet children” this tells people they need to educate their kids now about computer etiquette, just like we were all taught “Don’t talk to strangers in the park” when we were kids. But to say “Cyber-Predators” gives the idea that there is a whole new type of enemy on the loose.

4) I have a dream a dream introduced by Penn Jillette on the radio show he used to have that somewhere on the internet are two police officers both pretending to be teens and unknowingly flirting with each other as teens.

Statistics have shown that approximately 75% of female “avatars” in the online gaming community (World of Warcraft, Second Life, Entropia, Active Worlds, Red Light Center etc etc) are actually males behind the keyboard.

Great Article. I think people should be made aware how hyped up internet predators are.

I first experienced the internet at 15, chat rooms were new and appealing then and i was one of the first out of my social circle to get MSN. All we were taught as the general don’t talk to strangers mentality, which of course didn’t work. I gave out my address on a number of occasions, and ironically we still talk today.

I didn’t suffer from my online experiences. I learned loads. What is more of a worry is students interacting w/ each other. that lack of proper social interaction, a society where children have more online friends than in real life, a whole new popularity contest to contend with, a whole new environment for potential bullies, petty friendship fights, and emotional torture for teens/pre-teens – something they shouldn’t have to endure.

and the worse thing – a lack of imagination.

Jennifer:
“Have you heard this argument? Is there no offense in ‘t?”
1) “And adult is an adult is an adult.” The issue I was trying to address was the concept of Adulthood. The government defines it as 18 (21 for alcohol which is another argument). It seems the government has dictated “maturity.” I for one (and many people I know) started working part time jobs at 13/14 years of age, and graduated high school before 18. Would you argue that at 17 having graduated high school and having had one or more part time jobs for 4-5 years, paying taxes etc etc, that I was still incapable of being responsible enough to choose whether or not I wished to have sex with someone who was older than I? Without a doubt the adult should tread carefully but as you said yourself, sometimes it works out. Adulthood should not be only a chronological matter but a psychological one as well.

2) Sexual relationships are exactly the things that youths these days need to be aware of. I mean youths in the sense of someone who is of an age where they hormones have kicked in and their sexuality is starting to become apparent. You are right, actually setting up a time to have sex is quite close to the line, but there is still no crime. Perhaps it can be argued that there is “threat” of statutory rape (or more) but it is still not an action. To use your analogy, Attempted murder is an action, If i stab you and the doctor saves you I could be brought up on attempted murder charges BUT if I send you an e mail saying I wanted to stab you, that is not attempted murder, that is just malicious thinking. If we could be put in jail for malicious thoughts then nobody on this earth would be free. Have you ever sped while driving? What if a cop gave you a ticket because he thought you might go over the speed limit? That is the argument against “preventative measures”. I would rather nobody get raped or killed but I would also not like to see people in jail for something they didn’t do.

3) Thank You

4) A troll? Where did you get that? Don’t you think it would be funny? Two police officers trolling the internet for predators pick up each other? Irony?

Thank you. This is the first time I’ve seen anything resembling actual statistics on the likelihood of a predator approaching my teenager successfully, and it is tremendously reassuring. I hadn’t been too worried about it, but more conservative than in real life. I probably still will be, just because it’s impossible to know who you are speaking to online short of a face-to-face. I know my daughter still lacks the skill or the will to recognize that people she meets online might possibly be mis-representing themselves. She’s starting to learn – she no longer believes everyone who says they are a Jonas Brother! Still, until she gains a healthy skepticism, I’ll be monitoring her activity fairly closely.

Charles said: “BUT if I send you an e mail saying I wanted to stab you, that is not attempted murder, that is just malicious thinking. ”

No, it would be criminal threatening. You can’t send threatening emails. You can THINK about sending the email, but once action is taken it is an action! You can THINK about sex with a minor all you want. No one is going to know what you fantasize about in your spare time. But once you take any ACTION, it moves beyond the realm of thought. The analogy with the police speeding ticket doesn’t fly, because you haven’t taken an action yet. Unless the police were psychic they would never know. Of course it is grossly unfair for the police to stop you for doing nothing. That’s why we have probable cause and courts.

And about #1, fair enough, but that’s not how you put it the first time. Whether or not our society recognizes 17 year olds and under as adults or whether it’s right or wrong not to, these are separate issues. If a minor pursues a relationship with adults, we as the adults need to have the clearer heads, because, like it or not, it is still illegal. There’s no need for an adult to carry on an affair with someone considered a child. And if the adult loves the “child”, there’s no reason s/he can’t wait a couple of years. (Also, this may be a personal bias on my part. I think young people, who are still forming their sense of selves and places in the world, have better things to do than get involved with a much older lover who may distract them from that final important step of growing up. If a teen girl, for example, moves straight from her parents’ house to the home of her older lover, who will have the balance of power in his favor, how is she going to establish her independence? What’s the rush anyway? This is the mom in me talking, and the advice I would give to any young person.) For me, this issue is about more than just sex. But if someone just wants the right to screw around with teens because teens do it for him, well then it’s not really about the young person at all, he’s only concerned for his own pleasure. I like Dan Savage’s “Campsite Rule” for the older lover in one of these relationships (though Dan was not talking about underage people, just ones that are significantly younger than their lovers, especially the 18-25 crowd dating over 30). That rule is: leave them in a better condition than how you found them. (Or, in laymen’s terms, Don’t f*ck them up!) Someone who uses underage people for sex doesn’t seem like s/he’d take the care necessary to handle the delicate nature of a young person.

Another caveat of #1: You say psychological should matter as much as chronological when determining age. But, realistically, we’d have to do a psych evaluation on every single minor about a very subjective matter like maturity and sexual readiness. And once you do this, where’s the line? Somewhere, a nine year old is going to blow the psychologists away with his maturity. Does this mean it’s right to initiate sex with him? Tests have shown how mature he is, after all. Even if you say, well, the line should be puberty, of course, but even this is different in every child and with girls as young as 8 or 9 able to get pregnant, this criteria would fast become a nightmare. So, society has picked a line: 16 to 18, depending where you live. The line needs to be there. Now, whether it’s incongruous that a 17 year old can live on his own and pay taxes, but can’t vote and have sex with his 30 year old lover is another matter. I mean, people complain that 18 year olds can vote and serve in wars, but can’t have a beer. Maybe this is an issue that needs looking into, but in the meantime, we still arrest underage drinkers.

And #4, I dunno, it just sort of came of of left field. Also, you seem to be a tad bitter about this and cops as well. Do you have a story??

Jennifer:
You got me on the email threat, it was a bad example. but if we tone it down a bit and go with the idea that we are two people one over and one underage who have been conversing via email/internet chat and the older sends a message saying that they would like to have sex, I do not feel there is a crime. “would like to…..” it is not a threat. At that point there is still no crime. It just seems to me that as a country we are on a slope to policing people’s thoughts and with that I have a very large issue. I have actually sat with friends and discussed how we would rob a bank, we are not bank robbers but with the “preventative measures” argument the police might want to put us in jail now to stop us from actually doing the deed. In Massachusetts the law was (and might still be) that you could walk into a store and hide things on your person stuff merchandise into your jacket or whatever and it was legal (maybe the store rules forbade it) BUT until you walked out of the store it was not shoplifting because you had not taken anything from the premises.

I guess I am just speaking from the vantage point of someone who did start at a younger age having relationships with people who were older than myself (15/16 with 20 and 17 with 27) and I feel that I am quite well adjusted “normal” (and free range) person. I would hate to think that those great people could have been in trouble because of our relationship when it was I who really initiated the contact. I was young and hormonal and saw attractive people with whom I had a lot in common and we got to know each other and got involved. I admit the relationships were not long but to be honest on the first one I was fickle and moved on to someone else and the second one failed due to it being a long distance relationship.
I understand that a “predator” would be someone who actively seeks out someone who is younger and impressionable and the before mentioned women in my life were not such people. I think that to a large extent most of the cases need to be treated on a case by case basis. You are right we can not test everyone’s maturity but when events do occur we must look at each individual, beyond simply saying “oh they are 16 they did not know what they were doing.”

There was a show on TV (maybe it is still on) that featured a new reporter who caught predators by pretending to be a teenager, inviting the predator over then when they got the house having a teen meet them at the door, bring them inside and then the reporter with his camera crew (and police) came out and and all of a sudden this person on TV as predator and I think arrested. Yes the predator may have been there to do something bad may have even been thinking about it, but he/she did not actually at the point of the camera crew and police do anything wrong. For all we know nothing MAY have happened but now that person’s life is basically ruined. I think that is wrong. You may call it preventative but the best prevention would be to not give predators the chance. Educated our kids, treat them as thinking entities instead of mindless creatures and do our best to instill in them an way of thinking that leads them not to get into potentially risky situations.

#4: Not bitter at all. Just think life’s little ironies might be amusing. Just imagine two cops pretending to be teens talking to each other online thinking the other is an also a teen, creating a friendship with each other based around their two “personas.” Do you not find that image amusing?

I write about how teens use the internet frequently. The main reason I do, is because I think many of today’s parents are (wrongly) more concerned about internet predators than they are about what their own children or their children’s friends are doing on the internet. They kind of stick their head in the sand. I also do not think the way to go is to “keep them off of everything until they’re 21”. That will definitely not work. Teaching our teens responsible use of their computers and cell phones will make them good cyber-citizens. That’s what we need for the next generation. The only way we’re going to get that, is to parent.

Richard,
Nobody here thinks that this stuff can’t happen to us, we (and by we I mean me) just don’t see the evidence that this is a common a problem as the media would have us believe.

I think you have missed the message of Free Range Parenting. The Idea I believe is so be responsible parents by teaching our kids the dangers that are out there but them letting them grow and live and enjoy life as we did. (I hope I got this definition right). “to keep kids in check” would be to stop them from “doing” instead of (and I say this a lot ) TEACHING them to be responsible themselves.

Yes predators use new technologies to victimize, but why should we let fear stop progress? I would think that the invention of the automobile increased the number of child abductions but that does not mean that we stop our children from riding in cars, we just teach them not to get into a stranger’s car. The future is uncertain, if a parent does not allow their child to use internet (or other modern tech) they are not just limiting the growth of their child but also of society as whole. For all we know the 12 year old kid on myspace today might come up with a way to revolutionize internet safety in the years, based on their experiences as a child.

And please don’t just give us the push off response of “I won’t “bore” you with details.” If you have details, if you have information then please share it. The more we all know the better off we are.

social media are always full of cyber crimes, i think parents should take care of they kids .. and not let them be any site

cracked.com please stop this online sick o. Note everyone needs to know about him: Hey everyone this guy is on the fbi list & police. Child predator lists. There watching him. And may even be looking for him. Big boy will be going to federal prison where he belongs. Mr. psychopath going on people’s accounts he saw online. & He’s neither of these people. How does it feel now you little coward ? You are about to become bubba’s bi*** real soon or one day. Everyone is keeping an eye out on you now. No more trolling, stalking, or being an online predator. You messed up. You think were scared of you? I am not. Because you been going at it for over a year on this site posting sexual content to people & trolling on there names-e-mail accounts. Give it up. If you don’t it’s okay just remember authorities are after you now. This site may wanna find your info & pull you off for good if they are smart enough . He’s a loser, lowlife scum bag, He likes attention he gets cause he’s nuts. Let’s hope he has no kids. Because if he does they’ll be taken away because of this sick person. Here’s how you can catch him any name you see like a person’s accounts. It’s not them it’s him. Every time he comes on he posts sexual content. He maybe wanted so please be careful.

easy way to find him which site has the stupidest commenters on the web?